FIRSTLY....a toast to all of my AFF mates... Friends may come And friends may go. And friends may peter out, you know. So here's to friends Through thick and thin. Peter out or peter in. Oh God, I'm having that recurring nightmare again...I'm standing on the bow of the Titanic, yelling 'I'm king of the world'....Someone slaps me on the back and says 'You go gurl' and I fall overboard. Lancaster Polo Club....Tiffany's....Candle lit dinners....Perignon Champagne and Roses....Strauss Waltzes...THE BEATLES......Merion Cricket Club...Glenn Miller Love Songs.....Classic Jaguars...these are a few of my favourite things. Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest of these, 'It might have been'. John Greenleaf Whittier LOVE to cruise around in my classic, old Jag...sunroof open...winding through the 5 speed, hearing her growl and purr like the cat she is...enjoying the 10 minutes of sunshine we're afforded this time of year,here in Pennsy...LOL...bare feet on the clutch and gas, yeah, even though it's January...LOL...the smell of the walnut burled dash and buttery soft, heated, black leather seats...warm sunshine on my head...cold, crisp air abounding....surrounded by the music from 21 speakers.....I've even mastered the clutch and gas pedals with my pants around my ankles. Mmmm yeah...life is good. All that being said...I believe I've come up with their new advertising slogan... 'Jaguar....The best pussy a man can get'. Limp dicks abound on cam...there's NEVER a bottom around when I need one, I put my contacts in the wrong eyes, I read my own profile and find that I'm only 72% compatible with myself, and my ex calls me and says he needs me...I reply, 'What for...makeup tips?' 'SIGH' It's gunna be one of those days. OK...WTF is up with this 'per' nonsense....it's perSON.....perSONality....NOT 'perality'...have we....as a society...become SO lazy as to drop a syllable because we can and even worse...THEN consider it's cool and trendy....and while we're on the subject....'INVITE' is a verb...as in ...TO invite....it's a frikkin' INVITATION people...not an INVITE. Rant over....the old English teacher within me rests accordingly. Duly note the following: 1. I am not bossy. My ideas are just better. 2. After an inordinate amount of time spent (wasted in truth) perusing profiles, I'm convinced there are more carpet munchers here than at a Worldwide Lesbian Conference at NATO, more cocksuckers than at Truman Capote, Liberace and Rock Hudson's funerals combined, and more bottoms with no tops than a Tupperware factory. 3. I used a cheat sheet on the purity test. 4. I remember the night my ex and I decided to become a couple, and have sex for the first time....it was a beautiful moonlit night but he said he wanted to have sex with the lights on. I distinctly remember saying 'Oh close that car door'. 5. I DESPISE point/tip whores. MAN UP and BUY the points yourself. Do you TRULY think I'm going to deign to give you points so you can chat and flirt with all and sundry....TOTAL TURNOFF. World Class smart-ass and Equal Opportunity Offender here...not to mention...kinkier than a cheap garden hose. This week's advice.. Don't sweat the petty stuff...but ALWAYS pet the sweaty stuff. This week's rant.... OK....viewing my profile every two minutes for an entire evening is NOT flirty, sexy or alluring...OR going to elicit positive attention from me....it's just CREEPY. 'Specially you old geezas with no pics posted. I mean....who TF do you think you are...Donald Trump Ahhhh...I feel SOOOO much better now. LOL This week's groaner.... What kind of Doctor is Dr.Pepper.. A FIZZician. Oh yeah...just a note in passing: 1. If in order to haul ass, ya gotta make two trips...we probly ain't gunna get along. 2. If you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down...we probly ain't gunna get along. 3. If your asshole is older, drier, more cracked and faded pink than the plastic flamingos on your front lawn....we probly ain't gunna get along. Another note in passing: A good friend of mine bought me a pillow for Christmas that says 'We had sex here'...I asked her if there was a discount for case lots, and is there a matching tablecloth? Being the wise-ass she is...she responded by texting me that yes there is a matching tablecloth, and would I like the matching chair pads and throw rug as well...and she would also have them treated for water and stain resistance. Yet ANOTHER note in passing: This past summer we went to a nude beach for the first time. I didn't think we'd know anyone, but as we walked, he leaned over and said 'My LORD, isn't that Dick Brown?!' One FINAL note in passing: Doncha just LOVE watching that live cam model 'Christian Nude1' jump around like a greased pig on a hot griddle whilst everyone's buzzing his toy incessantly? Hey...judge me not! It's cheap amusement. In observation of the political climate in Washington, DC these days....I am reminded that it is no coincidence that the term "Republican" is listed in the dictionary, halfway between "Repugnant" and "Reptilian". It STILL amazes me after several years on this site....that men who label themselves as 'hot' or 'sexy'....or even have killer bod pics...also happen to have a face that could back a pitbull off of a meat truck! Let's get real....'hot'....and 'sexy' are in the eyes of the beer holder...ERRR...beholder.....NOT the one listing themselves as such. "I'll admit I've seen better days...but I'm still not to be had for the price of a cocktail." Thank you Bette Davis for that CLASSIC line! Artistic and creative man...... Therefore.....a very visual guy....so... NO pics...NO interest! (For the hundredth time!) I mean....how many blind bars do YOU go to? LOL My humour is usually always dark and biting.... Love to laugh and smile and makes others do the same... Anything for a laugh..even at my own expense. I can affect many accents....Yiddish...Proper English or Cockney...Indian...Oriental....even Katharine Hepburn, PeeWee Herman or Peter Lorre. As my last lover used to say..."I never know WHO I'm getting in to bed with!" Which always brought on Peter Lorre....'Kinda creeeeepy, isn't it'. LOL But don't let the light-hearted fool you...I'm tough as nails beneath..the 'go to' guy for support and/or sympathy. But no push over. I'm frosty..to say the least...for those wallowing in self pity....c'mon! If Helen Keller could make it through this thing called life..you've got a good chance as well! Pull the big gurl panties up and get on with it, Mary! MANY interests and hobbies here...ALWAYS busy with one project or another...so if I hear "I'm bored"...pick up a f'in book dude! Oh yeah...I sleep in the top bunk and prefer men 20 or so years younger than myself...LOVE my boys! (And they love they Daddy!) LOL But I don't let age rule.... depends on the person and sexuality/compatibility/attraction. A lot of very hot men on here over 45! Be forewarned.... been through the mill...and this ain't my first rodeo....a short fuse for BS, fakes, flakes and those just looking to get off online. And as one footnote: No matter how handsome, hung, fit or desirable that person is....remember....somewhere out there...there's someone who hates the bitch! :D

Mi persona ideal: Drinks too much...cusses too much...has dubious morals....what more could I ask for in a friend or lover.

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