Regarding the title. Kidding, not kidding. A friend of mine told me once that when words, charm and puns failed to get the attention of tinder girls that he always had one last hail-mary available to him (read the title for his last ditch effort to stand out as a fine specimen worthy enough to sniff around your nethers) unbelievably i've seen it work on a few women when it seemed that all flirts had failed and the d. I learned the following life lessons from his perversity. - Exhaust every available opportunity first (charm, wit and playful horniness, after all, this is adult friend finder) - Looking for love on meat market sites is kinda weird and borderline dishonest. There's a sign hanging in a local Jimmy Johns that reads ' If you have reservations then you are in the long place" You probably aint in the right place if you are really more ambitious than "I would love to sit on a charming new std-free face and hopefully that face possess a tongue that can moisten my bits until my toes at first curl and then later shivering with spasms of ecstacy as your slippery thighs spasmodically grip the eager and focused face between them. That would be a good outcome with another AFFer you connected with. If you are looking very eager to enter into traditional institutions like marriage and long term relationships, and many of the things I've said sounded perverse and hedonistic, then you wandered down the wrong path. Quick, swivel a 180 degrees and pull your reservation out of your pocket because you aint in the right place. But if those old watering holes youve been sampling from for so long havent produced good results, then try this watering hole but leave your previous requirements for dating behind and come see what's behind the green door instead of forever wondering what wonders have been denied you as you raced to find the last eligible man who hits all those 'important' checkboxes... you completely ignored a lot of interesting people that will let you try things you've always wanted to with no repercussions. (Clean STD results available upon request). I want to meet women who are not afraid to ask for what they want because I will most likely be on board especially if I have never tried it before, in which case I will DEFINITELY try it and give honest and prompt feedback as to whether I consider it worth trying twice. I would assume those same women would be willing to reciprocate. Part of the fun is trying new stuff and this site is about fun, enjoyment and easy interactions with less of the games than other meat markets where people continually falsely advertise. happens less here. thats why im here. look at my pictures because those are undoctored photos and that's basically who you will meet. There has to be chemistry first of course. Though chemistry can sometimes be (intoxicating and instantaneous like a lightning bolt striking the tip of your penis or clitoris) that don't happen often in an average lifetime and usually it takes a bit of time to know whether or not the other person is gonna be the person that sets your loins aflame. Send me a fun message and i'll do my best to send a fun response. Never know, that lightning bolt may strike as quick as the enter key. But either way I'm looking forward to seeing your delicious lady bits while i am charmed by your wits and humor when your picture pops up in my new messages I generation-identify as a Gen Xer, if I’m being honest, I definitely prefer the company of my generation. I think gen xers have been pinned in the shadow of the two bloated generations prior to us (boomers) and after us (millennials). I just like practical and rational viewpoints and I know that we (Gen X) are adept at serving that up with a dash of humor. So if you are an Xer or get along well with us then you and I will get along great. Contact me so we can get a friendship underway immediately. find me in central phx and tempe Here’s my list of CONS worth mentioning since they are dealbreakers for many women - I do smoke cigarettes but I can go several hours without if this is a problem. Not a chain smoker - I’m a shorter man. I’m not conflicted about it or anything, I’m just putting it out there because I prefer my women around my height or shorter as well as largely being mostly invisible to taller women. I only mention it because its better to unpack here than to have someone feel like I misrepresented myself. I'm short. How short? I wont say. I'll let you guess in person. You'll probably get it wrong, and once you realize how much fun we are having then details like that cease to matter I'm not a bodybuilder but I'm healthy and pretty fit and with great stamina from 35-45 miles every day I’ve gone way into TLDR territory, thanks for those who read this far Lastly, a friend told me to include the following sentence as a catchall for any woman I failed to entice with my wordplay: -> Ladies, I eat ass.. <-

My Ideal Person As much as I can appreciate women everybody agree are beautiful. The women most beautiful to me personally have many of these traits:

- Women with an inner spark and outer sparkle (in other words not dull and lifeless, but curious and interested in the world).

- Mischievously freckled eyes and a natural wink.

- This seems to be such a cliche it appears in so many mate requirements, but its just something that is that important. YOU MUST HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR or we WILL NOT connect even slightly. I don't mean you gotta laugh at all, or even any of my jokes, but you better have the ability to laugh at ridiculous shit I don't mind listening to your lifes story, but include the funny with the tragic and don't leave out the embarassing bits. Everybody is good at beating their chest and talking about how awesome they are, but the people I want to hang out with are the people who failed, dont mind more loser than badass and can take you to that momentary embarrasment and make it sound relateable and endearing. In other words, women that are confident enough to understand that we are not defined solely by our successes but failure can build character and add more balance to your life if you can remove your feelings and a woman that can tell that story in a funny way is going to have a really good outlook about a lot of things.

If you are somehow a victim in all of your stories or you feel like a passenger in your own life. I probably would not enjoy your company.

- Have a favorite book. Even if you haven’t read it in twenty years

- Love to spend time outside exploring, or at least prefer fresh air to recycled air

- Enjoy and even crave the feedback of smartasses when a situation appears hopelessly formal and self congratulatory you can always rely on a smartass to restore absurdity. Because very few situations are not absurd in some way. Humor and irony are everywhere

- Ideal woman is 5’4” or in that vicinity so our bodies fit together well and this height allows for optimal body part interslocking without awkward adjustments during the intimate moments. I've been with taller girls and have enjoyed laying next to them. I just like looking up at them about as much as they enjoy looking down at me * it kinda fizzles out*

/uIf all or most of the above apply to you, then chances are I will find you to be a beautiful women regardless of what you think of your body and I will do my best to let you know it.

I love spending time with new people and exploring each other’s body can be part of that at some point but I can keep a conversation going and the weather is way too nice. So there’s always stuff do.

I can even supply you with a truly beautiful bicycle for an exploration of your city. If you haven’t done this then you oughta hit me up for a no strings attached bicycle tour of the safest degree. I crisscross all over the city on my bicycle daily (my job). I know all it’s secrets, passages and bike accessible vistas. If you want a safe comfortable experience on a bicycle, but it has this far eluded you, contact me and after talking to you for a bit I’ll have a pretty good idea of what kind of bike adventure would maximize your enjoyment. If you lack your own bike, I have many bicycles to accommodate your preferred riding style.

Shoot me over a message and tell me why YOU think we might have fun together.

Females only please.

Just be honest and direct as hell with me and we’ll get along fine. If you have mustered any one of the following adult skills :

able to speak profanely with style and elegance
can spin a good yarn that puckers the butthole, pimples the goose, raises the hair or slaps the forehead
can make a nice quality retard face during appropriate times
be able to pump your fists in time with the music at any concert
realizes that nothing is worth getting offended about if it reduces your ability to understand humor