Hey, you. You’re already ahead of the game because you are able to articulate what you are looking for. Good for you. If you have been reading my column for a while, you may have noticed that a common thread is people not knowing what they want, or coming across other people who can’t articulate or communicate their desires, and the awkwardness that ensues. So. This is a great start!

My Ideal Person This can apply to casual relationships as much as serious ones: if you want to explore sex in a mutually respectful but not-very-emotional way, you’ll need to find someone who also wants to do that, too. It’s not impossible, but it may not be as easy as finding someone who’d like to have sex with you once, or even finding someone who wants to have a serious relationship with you.

Being real friends-with-benefits requires the highest level of emotional honesty and communication in order to make the parameters of the relationship clear and avoid hurt feelings. A lot of people, men and women, can’t handle that.