Message me if you know that song....Don't take it personally if I don't respond. If I did nothing but answer AFF messages all day, it would not be enough time to get through the queue. As you can see from the photos, I have a very large clit. I’m looking for a partner who fully appreciates and adores this aspect of my body. In the non-virtual world, I like sexy lingerie, light spanking, oral sex and penetration. I love role play (daddy, would you like to see my panties?) and would love to find an imaginative man who is looking for a special girl. In real life, I’m a highly educated, very successful professional woman and value discretion. I will certainly respect yours. Because of the unpleasant experiences I had on this site a few years ago (including stalking), I’m extremely careful about all contacts. Did you know that there are twice as many men on AFF as women? The result is that even moderately attractive women are inundated with messages. In order to reduce such random ‘nice tits’ messages, here is my amorous deterrence strategy: - I’m interested in older men, and if you are younger than 48 I won’t respond to queries. - If you're more than 100 miles away, I won't respond unless you are in this area on a regular basis. - Sorry but I am only interested in single, divorced or widowed. If you’re married or separated please don’t contact me. I’ve had bad experiences with married men in the past and don’t want to be the cause of negative karma. - If you are wearing any jewelry aside from a watch, I’m not interested. - If you are bare chested and posing with a fish, I’m will naturally be impressed by your ability to provide food for me during the apocalypse but (sadly) I won’t be sexually aroused. - Please don’t contact me if you’re seeking immediate gratification or a one-time hookup. I’m looking for a sexual partner and I'm potentially open to a serious long term relationship. - In this era of Covid, I’m unwilling to meet face-to-face until there is a vaccine or effective treatment. If you’re taking the process of finding a compatible sexual partner seriously, you should be willing to engage in a long process of remote courtship. The most intense type of sexual contact involves the mind and not just the body. - Please don't contact me if you voted for Trump. - Please don't contact me if you use any sort of drugs (aside from alcohol and legally prescribed).

La mia persona ideale: I prefer well educated, financially secure, considerate, dominant men who enjoy reading nonfiction and who listen to NPR while they shave. Extra bonus points for freckles and cufflinks. //

If you’d like to interact with me, please send me a message with complete sentences and no typos. I definitely won’t respond to ‘hey baby’ although I do appreciate a good Chuck Norris joke. I am somewhat of a voyeur and I like to watch well-endowed men pleasure themselves, especially if they have beautiful hands. If you’d like to put on a show, I would be happy to watch and offer encouragement. //

Please do not misrepresent your age beyond +/- 5 years. Please do not lie about your educational attainment. Please do not lie about your body type. Please do not lie about your height. Please do not lie or withhold information about your STDs. All of these things will eventually be discovered and will just lead to disappointment and wasted time for both of us.//

If a lady says she is not interested, please respect her decision. Please don’t pester her continually. All of us have preferences, and I am entitled to mine just as you are entitled to yours. Sometimes these preferences don’t line up. Sorry but I cannot keep up with the volume of message traffic. If I don’t answer, please don’t keep sending more, increasingly angry messages. //

In the spirit of helping everyone to lead a fuller and happier life, here are the top ten faux pas on an adult dating site: //
 

10. Posting a photo of your mom, your kids, or your ex-wife. Would your kids be happy to know their picture was up here? Dogs and cats are okay because it demonstrates that you are capable of nurturing another creature, or at least providing fresh food and water. //

9. Posting a photo of yourself in uniform or identifying your rank and service in your screen name. Not only is this a force protection issue, your uniform and military service should not be used as a sexual prop. //

8 Posting a picture (or camming) with an unmade bed covered with dirty laundry as a backdrop. Most women will stop focusing on your magnificent erection, and think about tidying your room and folding your laundry instead. Surely, you don’t want that to happen. //

7 Posting a picture of your face. Photo identification software can scrub huge amounts of data from non-secure sites like this. The ladies in the Chinese intelligence command centers think you’re really cute and want to spend quality time chatting with you. Just obscure your face, okay? //

6. Posting a close-up of your cock and nothing else. Most women would like to know to what that particular organ is attached. For example, are you covered with tattoos of your ex-girlfriends? Are your nails clean or covered with a horrid green fungal infection? Are you covered with long shaggy fur like a lonely, mountain-dwelling Yeti? Chicks want to know. //

5 Pictures of you doing ordinary activities naked. Why would you tend a hot BBQ with nothing to protect your man parts from the hazard of burning charcoal? Why would you wash your Jeep with a hose in the driveway with nothing to protect your hairy bits from harsh chemical detergent? Put some pants on while you do your chores. //

4 Pictures of you with your boat/motorcycle/jet ski/airplane. Certainly these modes of transportation will fill a woman with confidence that you can rescue her in the event of a zombie apocalypse. However, this dystopian future is highly improbable. //

3 Pictures of you in the cowboy/Batman/priest costume, or body paint covering everything including your genitalia. Are you actually a member of the Blue Man Group or a horny bronco rider from Montana? Or is this a cos-play fantasy that your new female friend should willingly participate in? Is her role bronco, Indian, pioneer or Westworld robot? Please explain. //

2 Camming while reading your email, falling asleep, picking your nose, talking to your grandma on the phone, or organizing your desk drawers. While charmingly domestic, zen decluttering is not the purpose of this channel. //

1. Posting a photo of yourself holding a weapon (including guns, swords or pointed sticks). Most women want assurance that you are not a psychopath. Don’t you think that maybe a hunting rifle gives the wrong impression? //

Here’s all you need on your profile: a picture of your naked torso with face obscured: a picture of your cock, hard or soft: a picture of you doing something you enjoy (golfing, playing the bagpipes, feeding your pet iguana); a picture of you fully clothed in whatever you normally wear (suit, jeans or outlaw motorcycle leathers). This conveys all essential information to a woman and places nobody in jeopardy. //

Don’t like my advice? Don’t take it. Don’t like my sense of humor? Fuck off.

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