Guest Book - Private Contact
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Posted:Jan 20, 2012 5:05 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2012 5:04 pm
12417 Views
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Thanks for dropping by. If you want to drop a note, this is the place to do it. Thought I would offer this blog post as a way to contact me. It will kept private.
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Just passing away the time
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Posted:Nov 4, 2012 5:49 pm
Last Updated:Nov 4, 2012 5:51 pm
8984 Views
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In order to pass some time on a vanilla online dating site, I've been engaging some romance scammers. The latest one is admittedly doing things above average. 
My last response I sent her, or it could be him or a bot, took a little more out of me. I suppose because my strategy in baiting these scammers is to remain honest in my intentions and to see how they make the transition to asking for money.
I have a little more time to concentrate. I'm not sure of your assessment of me so far and not sure if there is hesitation. If you felt ignored, I am sorry to hear that. This afternoon an incident occurred which may provide a little more insight about me.
After picking up my from a local skateboard park, we were driving back home. Stopped at a traffic light, a car next to us called out of their window to catch our attention. I glanced over to them. Seeing it was a car of three , I turned back around to ignore them. Thinking it was more probable they wanted to catch my 's attention instead. From the corner of my eye, I saw the girl in the passenger seat waving at me so she was in fact attempting to get my attention. Bewildered, I turned back to look to have her say, "Hey Pablo." After which she turned back to her friends and began to laugh. Fortunately, the traffic light changed and I was able to continue driving forward and they being in a turning lane, that was the last of that brief encounter.
Typically, it wouldn't have merited the retention of thought except my asked me immediately what they had said. So I had to explain what was said. When my asked why, I had to explain that they were having a cruel joke at the expense of an innocent bystander and for some reason making fun of me. Luckily that was the end of the conversation and nothing more spoken about.
I decided to share that story with you, one because it is fresh on my mind. Secondly, because you mention requiring loyalty, honesty, respect, and communications in your relationships. I, too, want those things and strive to do my best in giving that even when not asked. One thing which I disdain is when someone shows contempt for another because of their desires or wants, how they look, act, or speak. It shows utter lack of respect for another human. It denies honest communication and worst of all, attempts to exert power over another because the person doing so believes they hold a superiority to the person, who is the victim.
My attitude towards life is not as serious as the above story may indicate, but more than once throughout my life others have attempted to make me a victim for whatever purpose they may have. Often I am quite cognizant when these situations occur. Yet, because I inherently believe that the best lies have to contain hints of honesty to be plausible, I will go along and value that honesty and trust until it is taken away.
Rest assured that I am seriously looking for someone to hold intensely and love fully. I am more than willing to give my whole being to that woman. I ask no less than some measure of the same in return. But through my years, I've found that finding someone willing to return even half of that to me is very elusive. More often than not it is someone wanting to have a laugh at my expense.
So this entry is at least honest from my perspective. It can be debated that I am wasting time sending something so personal back to someone that has no interest in me as a person and only sees me as a potential mark to be developed. But it passes the time.
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Diplomacy v Honesty
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Posted:Oct 27, 2012 4:32 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2012 9:09 am
8761 Views
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It's a common courtesy to tell a little fib in order to spare someone's feelings. Call it diplomacy or a fib or white lie.
We all do it, but what I want to ask is when you are on the receiving end of that fib? Do you let it go to avoid confrontation?
Many say that honesty and truth are essential and mandatory parts of friendship, relationships, even with casual playmates. where do you draw the line?
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Follow the bubbles up
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Posted:Sep 17, 2012 9:02 pm
Last Updated:Sep 17, 2012 9:03 pm
9008 Views
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In SCUBA, when you are disoriented the advice is follow the bubbles up?
Of course I am looking at this metaphorically. There is no question that my line of thought lately has been disoriented; between second guesses, making assumptions without much to back them up, recognizing then ignoring red flags waving in my face. I am at the point that I see I am in need of help. At the least someone that will offer a different perspective.
So here I am in the last place that I expect to find any answers. Maybe I am too afraid that the answers that I came up with myself are correct and by not allowing any counterpoint I can just become satisfied with what I've been given and try to make the best of it.
Sure someone can tell me that I am wrong and even give reasons why, but in the end it is based on their experiences which are different from mine.
Maybe I just need to get laid?
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It's bad when....
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Posted:Aug 27, 2012 6:36 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 4:37 pm
8974 Views
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even the voices in your head stop talking to you. 
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Like a sore thumb
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Posted:Aug 12, 2012 8:17 am
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2012 4:20 am
9264 Views
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No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous -
Almost, at times, the Fool.
I first read this poem in 7th grade. Like a typical 13 year old boy, my thoughts were about finding a girlfriend. So the title caught my eye because I had bought into the whole romance thing. "Full of high sentence", wanting to be more impressive than I truly could be. It's a trait that still haunts me today.
Being obtuse is quite apparent, because here I am on a sex site, which is based on looks, sexuality, and expression on the physical level. Spewing out some kind of mournful, pitiful, "please look at me" blog that people will only glance at. And who knows what their thoughts are.
While it is said that there is someone for everyone, my doubts grow if that applies to different times in life or if it has past me by and due to being conservative or thinking that something better exists on the horizon I missed that chance.
So fearful more than Prufrock, and certainly less courageous than Hamlet, I accept those moments that I can be of use. And look toward a time that takes me where the shuffle of feet becomes more of a sprint.
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Big Tits... (borrowed)
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Posted:Aug 7, 2012 9:56 am
Last Updated:Sep 23, 2012 2:46 pm
9505 Views
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- When I was 13, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend with big tits.
- When I was 16 I got a girlfriend with big tits, but there was no substance or passion, so I decided I needed a more confident and passionate girl with a zest for life.
- In college I dated an intelligent and passionate girl, but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency; she was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
- When I was 25 I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided that I needed a girl with some excitement.
- When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a real "partner in life," a girl with some focused ambition.
- When I turned 34, I found a smart ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground, so I married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned.
- I am older and wiser now, and I am looking for a girl with big tits.
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Laugh Clown Laugh
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Posted:Aug 6, 2012 8:52 pm
Last Updated:Aug 7, 2012 5:59 pm
9201 Views
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I don't know what my purpose of writing this. There certainly isn't any sexuality involved. So if you are hoping for something, you will find that it won't come.
I was taught to follow rules: behave yourself, don't be rude, thinks of others first. There has only been once in my life that I felt that I didn't have to worry about a filter and felt the freedom to express how I felt, what I thought, things and places I wanted to see and do, and that the person listening accepted it for what it was without judgment, or rather not tell me about that judgment.
The lesson learned from that short amount of time is that it is too brief and that like a light switch can stop in an instance.
So what I mistook for acceptance slowly but surely beccame tolerance. After a time, you begin to feel guilty that you subject someone else to such things. Especially when it becomes clear that it is only from politeness that they have endured such rantings for as long as they have. And as with anything that is being pushed, there comes a point where it breaks.
Alan Moore's Watchmen:
He saw the true face of the 20th century and chose to become a reflection, a parody of it. No one else saw the joke, that's why he was lonely. Heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says, "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up."
Man bursts into tears. Says, "But, doctor… I am Pagliacci." Good Joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black.
If only real life could be wrapped up so neatly and the scene closed. But you have to march back to the front and accept your responsibilites, "do what must be done", and face a new day, all knowing that a remedy hasn't been found. There is your choice, wallow in pity, hoping that the answer will magically appear or out of respect to others, cover it up and lock it away so no one finds it by mistake and you have to explain it so they don't run away.
Q: Why does an elephant paint its toenails?
A: So it can hide in jelly bean jars. Ever seen an elephant in a jar of jelly beans? It works!
So you learn to paint over things, in order to show everyone that the world is filled with amazing colors and a happy place. And the elephant in the room will remain unspoken about until you step into a pile of dung.
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The countdown
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Posted:Jul 31, 2012 7:05 pm
Last Updated:Aug 28, 2013 8:14 am
9333 Views
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In about a month, I will turn 50. Hadn't given it much thought until I talked to my sister on the phone yesterday.
If I think about those milestone birthdays from the past, can't say that I recall much of anything about them.
- 18 was down in college, hadn't established any new friends, so burger and a beer.
- 21 I don't recall, but back then age of majority was 18, so it wasn't the magical number that it is today.
- 30, I was single, unattached, working. Might have gone to a strip club by myself to celebrate.
- 40, my wife, who is now my ex-wife, threw a surprise birthday party. Just a few neighbors that came over last minute. Funny thing about that is she was always getting the date mixed up. Both day and year, so on the upside she thought I was always a year younger than I am.
So what are my plans for 50? It's a holiday weekend and will have custody of the . Sure that social network that starts with "F" will have plenty of birthday wishes that are thrown out there because there is a reminder in a sidebar. Might get phone calls from the sisters, but those have been hit or miss through the years. Mom has Alzheimer's so might get a birthday call in October asking me what I want.
Wow, I didn't intend on this to sound so lackluster or depressing. It just that I've been conditioned not to expect much. Almost forgot one milestone.
- 7, last and possibly only birthday party that my parents had for me.
[image]
At least the only one that I remember. I do remember that I always got excited and exuberant as a . So much so, that inevitably I pushed my Dad past his tolerance limit and end up with a belt whipping. But that was back in the days.
Cheers to those that have preceded me in reaching this milestone. And to those that say age is just a meaningless number, Good Luck.
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Sex at the pump
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Posted:Jul 15, 2012 10:29 pm
Last Updated:Apr 16, 2024 4:37 pm
9365 Views
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Just had an interesting experience on the way home tonight. Stopped at the gas station to fill the car up. At the opposite pump was an SUV with a guy wearing sunglasses sitting in the back. He was a little slumped down and I took him to be trying to sleep off a good night drinking.
So I was waiting for the tank to fill, when out of the corner of my eye saw something else in the shadow of the SUV backseat.
The top half of a girl's face came into view, followed by a wave. It was obvious that she was wrapping up a BJ. The driver came out, assessed what was happening. Had a disgruntled look on his face, got in the vehicle and rolled up the window, and drove off. Before getting onto the road, the car stopped, backdoor opened, this cute girl jumped out, did a small pirouette, waved to me, then got into the front seat.
Nice diversion...
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Why I came here and where to go
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Posted:Jun 30, 2012 5:05 am
Last Updated:Oct 12, 2012 11:58 am
9376 Views
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It has been a bit since I have written anything here. Not that I haven't had much to say, but more guilty of wondering if there is any purpose in doing so. I understand that it's the same misery that thousands of single guys go through here, and have to admit that being human I get discouraged.
I've been on this site just over a year. My original intent was just to watch women or couples cams. And I still do that. I've considered why I have that particular proclivity and decided that the simplest explanation is that if I can't touch I may as well watch.
I have expanded to using the message groups, this blog, and chat rooms all in the interest of making mutual connections. That is, of course, more complex and unfortunately for me; yet to be fulfilled.
So where I have wanted to complain about the difficulties involved, my preference is to resolve it. So should anyone reading this care to make suggestions or ideas, please leave a comment (will be private unless otherwise indicated) or send a message.
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Commencements
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Posted:May 30, 2012 9:03 am
Last Updated:May 30, 2012 9:05 am
9508 Views
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While I have been out of school about twice the amount of time than I was in school. I am thinking about what that knowledge in the intervening years has prepared me for. Luckily I still have the ability to learn. Still make mistakes. Still wonder in amazement on what the future has in store. There have been friends that I wrapped my world around, that I defined myself through because I could say that I knew them. There were teachers, some older and some even younger than me, that passed along their optimism that could and would be a difference. They saw the potential, knowing that the world would be shaped in new ways. All that needed to be done was to take action.
That action, whatever it may be, is a sign of transition. It moves in a direction; up, down, side to side, forwards, and even backwards. Unpredictable because the circumstances of the present will be changed. That transition takes energy and courage. How long that energy can be sustained isn't important. And in those times when it doesn't propel you to that new state of change, you take the experience and hopefully knowledge of what happened and use it the next time you try.
Those friends which I used to define myself have moved onto their own direction. Occasionally, I get a glimpse of how close they are still, yet the distance is there. Whether they are moving away from me or it is me moving away from them, it comes down to perspective. And that perspective becomes a little selfish. It was great that there were shared experiences and memories. And nostalgia is a warm cozy place, but eventually boredom sets in and as sincere as plans are to revisit in the future, it becomes less frequent and hazier in the distance. Until it turns into that passing thought which you never seem to be able to focus on long enough to make happen.
Lately, one of my favorite words has been "context". It gives many different shades of meaning to me. It infers texture, how something feels. And whether I like it or not, feeling is something that I've been lacking of late; a sensation of touch. But it also has meaning in the sensation of sight. How things look in a certain situation or circumstance. It was pointed out to me about the differences between internal and external view of self. What you say and do against how you feel and how the perception by someone else is sometimes worlds apart.
Each life brings about a new set of potentialities. The abilitiy to build upon unique experiences, connect the dots to the next horizon, look for the limitless possibilites of what can be made different this time and how the world will be shaped. Gather the enthusiasm and use it. Commence with today and take action for tomorrow.
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