Ramblings of the depraved.....
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It's a dreary Saturday afternoon....
Posted:Oct 29, 2016 12:22 pm
Last Updated:Oct 30, 2016 10:33 pm

I find myself listening to music, remembering a life I once had.

Amazing how hearing just one song can break open a floodgate of memories that had been craftily tucked away.

It's no secret, I was angry and bitter when I finally decided to leave my ex-husband. It was tough to do after 3 and 17 years together, my entire adult life had been spent with him.

Funny how you can be married, but still manage to be the loneliest person on the planet.

I had a very comfortable life, 3 , and had achieved the things in life that I had wanted to achieve....

But I also had a husband who drank to the point of passing out nearly every day.

It's kind of humiliating to have to hunt down your husband, who has been drinking in a buddies garage all day because they got rained out at work, to go to a parent teacher's conference.

I could go on, but just the thought of that brings tears to my eyes.

It's heartbreaking to know that he wasn't always that way, and part of me still remembers what he was like before.... Part of me still misses him.

I miss the way he wasn't afraid to cry.

In the end, I was the one who held everything together. Pretty sad, considering he was 17 years older than I was. I worked 50 hours a week, took care of the house and , paid the bills, made sure presents were purchased for birthdays and holidays, and kept food on the table.

His contribution? On Friday nights after work he would hand me his paycheck and say "Here you go, honey."

We had argued a lot about his drinking, and I had threatened to leave more than once, but he always knew my soft spot was the , and would promise me he would stop if I would just keep the family together, the deserved to have both parents.

I know in his heart he intended on following through with those promises. The problem with alcoholism is, unless you seek treatment of some kind, you will fall back into the same bad patterns.

He always did.

I found myself telling someone the other day "I'm never getting married again! Yikes!!" She had laughed, and we chatted for a few more minutes about how marriage changes things.

To be honest, that's not the real reason why I would never get married again.

I would never get married again because, deep down, I had always intended on spending the rest of my life with my ex-husband. I don't think there is anyone else out there who could know me as well as he did. As horrible and sad as I felt at the end our our marriage, part of me still remembers the way he used to be.

While I am the one who physically left him, he was the one who divorced me. Even at the end, I still held out hope that he would seek help. Instead, he met his current girlfriend and served me with divorce papers.
Posted:Oct 28, 2016 6:01 pm
Last Updated:Oct 29, 2016 7:24 am
Fucking - A!!

I spent the day CLEANING! In some sick, twisted little way, cleaning ALWAYS makes me feel better.

Not sure what it is....

I just love being able to look around and see cleanliness and order. The smell of bleach is cathartic, in a way. I remember my grandma telling me, as a girl, that cleaning would take my mind off of things.

At the time I thought she was just trying to get me to clean the grout in the shower with a toothbrush...

But, I see where she was coming from now.

Did I completely forget about all the misc. bullshit that's going on at work? Absolutely! Do I feel better? You bet!

It feels pretty fucking awesome to sit here, freshly showered, in my rearranged living room, relaxing at last.

Thanks, Gram, I know your smiling down at me.
I am emotionally exhausted.
Posted:Oct 27, 2016 7:42 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2016 6:21 pm

From the moment I woke up this morning it was a constant onslaught of anxiety inducing situations.

Not good for me.....

It started with my literally pushing every hot button I have while he was getting read for school.

-Operating at a snails pace? Check!
-Back talking? Check!
-Refusing to wear his winter coat EVEN THOUGH it snowed? Check!
-Creating animosity with his sister every moment of the morning? Check!

He's lucky I'm nice....

I ended up going back to bed after I dropped them off at school and slept for a couple more hours only to wake up to 3 frantic missed calls and 4 messages from the assistant manager where I work.

It was a complete clusterfuck.

Apparently my counterpart at the store had not only forgotten her own keys at someone's house, she had also locked herself out of the store when she left her borrowed keys on the counter IN the store.

I was the only person in town who could let her back in.

The scary part is, she had already jimmied the door open and was inside the store by the time I got the texts and called her back at the store.

She accomplished this with a pair of scissors.

All I can say is, thank God the store has a silent alarm and surveillance cameras that run 24/7.

As if that stuff wasn't bad enough, I also found out from a former coworker that I was trying to get my store manager fired.


I had no idea I was doing this!!

Apparently the assistant manager who had been frantically trying to get in touch with me this morning had been talking to this former coworker a couple of days ago and he told her this.

I would NEVER do something like this to someone. But, I'll tell you what, if I were to do something underhanded like this, it would be HIS ass I would get fired.

I am so fucking sick of the drama at work.

Thank God I have tomorrow and Saturday off.
Daytime talk shows? Yes please!
Posted:Oct 26, 2016 11:14 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2016 8:20 pm

I have to admit, I'm addicted to the daytime talk shows.

There were many, many years that I worked a day job that didn't allow for me to be able to enjoy these things, I'm definitely making up for it now.

There is a benefit though!

I learned a new recipe on Rachel Ray today, definitely plan on trying it out tonight!

Wish me luck!

Update: don't want me to make the fajitas.... Cripes! Guess I'll save the recipe for another day.

Damn !
It was one of those days....
Posted:Oct 25, 2016 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Oct 26, 2016 6:06 am

One of those days when I spill my entire fountain pop on the desk at work.

One of those days when the desk is FULL of new hire paperwork.

One of those days when I slam my hand in a drawer hard enough that it brings tears to my eyes.

One of those days when I don't think I can make it until the end.

But I did....
Scary Movie Worthy
Posted:Oct 24, 2016 8:17 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2016 8:33 pm
Found this little gem in a field during my travels yesterday....

Would it keep YOU away?
Monday once again.....
Posted:Oct 24, 2016 4:59 am
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2016 8:32 pm
It was a gloomy day yesterday but I decided to trek out and at least try to get some fall color photos before they're all gone.

The gloomy day didn't do much for my mood, but it did get a few pretty shots.

Hope you all had a great Sunday!
Why, by all means, treat me like shit and expect me to take it with a smile on my face!
Posted:Oct 22, 2016 5:56 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2016 3:35 am

Working in retail can really suck sometimes.

I was not at my best today. After closing the store last night, I had to turn around and open the damn thing this morning too.

I call it a 'clopen'.

Most of the day consisted of me explaining our fucking coupons to idiot shit heads who just couldn't seem to understand that a coupon for body cream means you can ONLY purchase a fucking body cream at a discounted price.

"I really only use the shower gels...."

Really... Shower gels you say......

"Well, that's great! We also sell shower gels! You can buy as many shower gels as you like! Unless your shower gel says 'body cream' on the label, you AREN'T going to get it for $5 though!"

I wanted to mow that one down with my car.

Thank GOD I have tomorrow off.

Small miracles really do happen sometimes.
Home at last....
Posted:Oct 21, 2016 7:26 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2016 6:44 pm

I had a short shift tonight, but I was not feeling the work vibe.


I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I think I need a vacation.
Are you ready for some football?
Posted:Oct 20, 2016 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2016 8:09 pm

Went to my 's football game last night, I was super excited. I've missed all of his other games because of work, so I was psyched that I was actually going to be able to see the last game of the season.

I sat in the bleachers until my ass was numb and my breath hung in the air like frost... They never played him.

To say I wasn't disappointed would be a lie.

The other team was totally kicking their asses, it's not like one play would make or break the game. My heart went out to the handful of who patiently waited on the sidelines for their chance to jump in.

I was a little pissed at myself, too, for not making a bigger issue about getting a previous Wednesday off to see a game. He had literally played in every previous game.

Sometimes I think being a parent is harder than being a . Every fiber of your being wants to charge in and defend their honor.

Put my in the game!!

The hard part is NOT doing what every fiber of your being wants you to do. I KNOW that talent and experience dictate whether or not your gets to play, and I know he needs to experience a sideline to WANT to gain talent and experience.

I just wish I had gotten a chance to see him play.
Do you like what you see?
Posted:Oct 19, 2016 10:54 am
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2016 8:05 pm

As I kneel before you, left hand resting on your thigh, right hand slowly stroking the base of your cock.

I gaze upon you.... Your chest, your neck, your face flushed with excitement. I like what I see.

Do you like what you feel as I close my soft lips around the head of your cock? Warm, and moist, gently drawing you in.

Your cock is firm and smooth, the slight, salty taste of man as I slowly slide my tongue across the tip. I like what I feel.

Do you like what you hear? The sounds of my mouth as it works it magic upon you? Wet lips upon your taut flesh...

Your soft moans encourage me to keep going.

I do enjoy what I hear...
The Great Escape
Posted:Oct 18, 2016 7:39 pm
Last Updated:Oct 19, 2016 5:30 am

You may recall, the ex-husband has a collection of farm animals that run wild about his yard.

The farm animals think they are pets.

As usual, the chickens came running as soon as I pulled into the driveway to drop my off before work.

Why they come running? I have no idea.... My best guess is they've learned this behavior from watching my lumber out to my car each time he sees me.

I was in kind of a hurry so I stood in the open door of my car and filled my ex in on my schedule for the week, what days she would need to stay at his house and what days I would have both .

Now, I was almost to the store when I started hearing a scratching noise from the back of my car.




Having watched way to many scary movies the past few days, I immediately assumed some kind of entity was in my car, waiting for it's chance to possess my soul.




Startled, I screamed aloud when I felt something touch my arm while I was slowing to turn into the store parking lot.

It was a fucking chicken.

In a million years, I never thought I would ever have to use the excuse "I'm going to be late for work today, there is a chicken in my car."
And.... The shit has hit the fan.
Posted:Oct 17, 2016 7:25 pm
Last Updated:Oct 18, 2016 5:12 am

Work was a little tense tonight.

It always happens when you get new people and seasoned veterans working together. The new people do as their told, the seasoned veterans are always trying to do things the way 'they' want them done.

Ultimately, it's the store manager who makes the decisions. Good, bad, ugly, it's their deal. So, when the store manager tells the new person to do something, whether the veteran likes it or not, it has to be done the way the store manager wants it.

Therein lies the issue.... Aside from myself, the entire management team is new.

The crew? Seasoned veterans.

Most of the time I find myself in the middle, trying to smooth things over and create a somewhat pleasant work environment for everyone.

By the time I got to work today I was tip toeing in the aftermath of God knows what pissing contest had happened and the atmosphere was thick.

What I wouldn't give for a sunny beach, a frosty margarita, and a beach chair in the sand right now.....

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