Ramblings of the depraved.....
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And Black Friday Wins
Posted:Nov 30, 2019 3:35 am
Last Updated:Nov 30, 2019 2:11 pm

The majority of my days are spent working behind the scenes....

I have an office with a direct line and I deal with issues like hiring and payroll and needy coworkers that cant seem to remember their fucking password to save their life.

But there are days.....

That I volunteer my time on the sales floor.

Days like.... Black Friday

I continue to be disappointed by the population at large. What has happened to us as a society that we have to yell and berate an employee because a limited quantity item has sold during a Black Friday Sale.

Listen Karen, I don't care that you drove 45 minutes to get here to pick up that Apple Watch. It's gone. Maybe you should have left earlier.

The early bird gets the worm, right?

How about this Karen..... How about the fact that I have NOTHING to do with how much product we have on the floor and what quantities we receive for such sales as a Black Friday Sale. Have you considered that maybe, just maybe, these are elements that are out of my control and that when you treat me like shit it hurts my feelings?

Probably not....

No, all you care about is the fact that you are leaving without an Apple Watch. You will fester and treat every sales person you come into with like shit. You will complain that we never have anything you come for and that you don't understand how we can stay in business with such poor customer service. You will likely even complain about the rude sales woman couldn't miraculously produce an Apple Watch of thin air.

I can only hope, Karen, that the treatment you bestowed upon me is one day bestowed upon you as well.

I'm certain you will enjoy it just as much as I did.
Thanksgiving Tradition
Posted:Nov 28, 2019 11:41 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2019 2:11 am

We all have them...

I spent the morning drinking wine and cooking up a storm in the kitchen.

Nothing like a good day drunk....

By the time the and I sat down eat I was a pretty good mood.

Still am, actually.

So, it didn't really bother when one of the biscuits still had the consistency of chewing gum and had creepy paper mache doll sitting in the empty spot the table.

Heck, I embraced it and included it in thankful speech.

Me - Today I am thankful to have happy and healthy , I'm thankful to have a roof over head and the ability take care of our needs.... And most of all, I am thankful have the creepy paper mache sitting across the table from .

- Mom!!!

And, would be our tradition. Every year we start our meal with why we are thankful.

#2 - I'm thankful for truck. And new tires. And I get go hunting with dad tonight.

Ok, he's a . I get it...

- Today I am thankful I was able find Tristen's eyebrow in the carpet. I was really worried.

What?!? Only could come up with something like a missing eyebrow on a paper mache be thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving folks!
How do YOU cook your turkey??
Posted:Nov 27, 2019 3:31 am
Last Updated:Nov 28, 2019 11:51 am

Need some turkey tips folks!!

This girl isn't the best cook and I've cooked very few turkeys on my own.... But I'm attempting it on my own this year. Asking in advance so I can create a plan for tomorrow.

Wish me luck!
How do you know they're your peeps?
Posted:Nov 26, 2019 3:14 pm
Last Updated:Nov 27, 2019 3:47 pm

They come to check on you when you only give them a thumbs up on their meme.

I was trying to help the most annoying person I've ever had the displeasure of working with log onto the computer for the millionth time today when Meme Guy showed up in the door.

Me - Hey, what's up?

Meme Guy - Just wanted to come check on you, make sure you're ok. I had a feeling something was up when you only thumbs-up'ed my meme yesterday.

Me - Aww.... I was just having a bad day. You know how I love those cat memes.

Sadly, I really do. I laugh at just about all of them.

Meme Guy - Ok, just checking.

The weird thing is, the common thread between Meme Guy and I is that we are both single. We've talked many times, including today, about the struggles of being our age and single.

It kind of sucks.

If he doesn't quit coming up with those depressing statistics on whether or not we will ever find love, going to have to myself.

But, I digress....

So Meme guy revealed to me that he had taken himself off all of his dating sites and decided to it quits. My heart literally went to him, he just seemed so sad. He's such a nice guy, I just wish he could find the right guy for him.

BTW - My friend that I had tried to get him together with, completely toying with him. Doesn't want to hang with him but sends him naked pictures of himself.

I feel disappointed in my friend.
Buck Up, Buttercup!
Posted:Nov 25, 2019 3:50 am
Last Updated:Dec 9, 2019 9:06 pm

It's a new week....

New adventures and challenges!

And, a fucking paid holiday to boot!! What could be better?

Well, being wealthy and not having to work to begin with.... But, I digress.

I'll settle for the paid holiday.

I have to travel a little for work today, not really looking forward to it but at least the weather is going to be nice. Feeling a little nervous as I'll be in a different office with people I don't know, but I put on a good front. I appear my most confident when I feel my least confident.

Functional anxiety....

So easy to hide. Nobody really notices when it sneaks out into your normal daily activities. Boss #1 often compliments me never being wrong.... What he doesn't know is I spend countless hours thinking and overthinking to make sure I am not wrong.

I think my worst tic is the timeline thing though....

Watching the time, assigning times to things, being on time, it goes on. At work, this is a fantastic thing. I'm always prompt, and considered dependable. Boss #1 often relies on me to keep him on track with his calendar for the day.

At home, nightmare.

I spend the morning yelling at my to get ready for school because they never want to get up and when they do they are operating at a snails pace. It takes forever to get through the drop off line to drop my off at school and the entire time I'm watching the time on my dash.

Yesterday I was 2 minutes earlier and I got to work at 7:45, what if I'm late? Why is that car just fucking sitting there?? Who drops their off OVER THERE so we all have to wait for the fucker to cross in front of us??? I'm going to be fucking late for work....

And then I arrive at work on time, 7:49.

But, my anxiety is out of control. Heart beating fast, feeling rushed and harried.... Which sets the tone for my day.
When your sleepover date has no interest in "sleeping" with you....
Posted:Nov 24, 2019 5:41 am
Last Updated:Jan 20, 2020 3:25 pm

My gut, and especially my anxiety, tell me this is a bad sign.

Just stamp a giant L on my forehead cause I feel like a giant loser. Spent the entire night literally just.... sleeping. And, not even the good spooning type.
How was my day?
Posted:Nov 22, 2019 2:32 pm
Last Updated:Nov 24, 2019 7:06 pm

It's amazing the look you get when you go pull your office keys of your purse and a pair of socks comes tumbling the floor.

A pair of socks I had worn last weekend and stuffed purse when I quickly dressed the middle of the night Saturday return home.

Why on EARTH did I still have socks purse???

It could be worse....

It could have been panties.
What do you wish for?
Posted:Nov 21, 2019 3:09 pm
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2019 3:08 pm

I picked my up from an after school activity today.

Excited, she took me down a hallway to point out a series of stars with wishes written in the center of each.

- Guess which one is mine!

I peered down the hall, reading wishes for peace, wishes for happiness....

Then I noticed the multi-colored star that said "I wish for Taco Bell".

So.... Yah. You guessed it.

My wished for Taco Bell on a multi-colored star.

Me - Really?!? This wished to cure cancer and you wished for Taco Bell.
- I'm keeping it real. I only wish for things that are within my control.

Looks like it's Taco Bell for dinner tonight.
Wednesday Weirdness
Posted:Nov 20, 2019 3:10 pm
Last Updated:Nov 22, 2019 4:00 pm
When I saw the giant spider floating spread eagle around my feet in the shower water this morning, it knew it was going to be a day I'd like to possibly forget.

Well, at least parts of it.....

After spending the rest of the shower perched on the bathtub sides getting soap in my eyes and a crick in my neck, I decided to relocate the spider outside and hope for the best.

If only the spider hadn't disappeared in the time it took for me to dry off and grab a container to relocate him with.....

I may never sleep again.

The morning only got stranger from there.

As part of my job I work closely with applicants and new hires, some are more friendly than others. I was unprepared for the close talking, widowed man that told me I had "very pretty glasses".

I've received a few compliments in my day... But never for me glasses. He went on to tell me in detail about every color of eye-wear he ever sported and how his wife, who happened to be 20 years younger than him, died. I'm feeling a little concerned as this man will potentially be my coworker and it was very obvious he was showing interest in me. (As pointed out by the vendor who happened to be standing outside my office during the exchange.)

Speaking of the vendor....

After nearly 2 1/2 years of employment with my currently company, this vendor chose today to introduce himself to me and tell me he's "seen me around the place" a bunch.


I've literally seen this guy 2 or 3 times a week for the entire length of my employment and today he decides to come into my office, read my name badge, and introduce himself.

I think I'll just chalk it all up to.... Wednesday weirdness.
Paper Mache Babies
Posted:Nov 19, 2019 4:15 pm
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2019 3:46 pm

Today is my 's birthday.

Damn, I feel old.

If it weren't bad enough that she's another year older.... She came home with a paper mache she named Tristen Lee.


I'm here to say, this thing looks creepy, too. I'm going to be sleeping with one eye open tonight.

Me - What the hell is that?

- It's your grandson.

Me - My what?!?

- It's your grandson, Tristen Lee.

Me - You're dead to me.

Wish me luck folks... Even as I sit here typing Tristen Lee is sitting on the chair, his googly eyes looking right at me.
Sunday Peeves
Posted:Nov 17, 2019 3:39 pm
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2019 3:54 pm

We've all been there....

and about running errands on a day off, in our own time, dressed the way we like to dress when we are not work, and we happen across a coworker.

Coworker - Slumming it today?

- What? (Looking around to see who is talking to .)

Coworker - Are we slumming it today? (Giving the over the glasses , up and down.)

- No.... This is the way I dress when not work. (Puzzled, looking down my t-shirt, zip up hoodie, jeans, tennis shoes.) What's wrong with what wearing?

Coworker - Uh-huh, slumming it. (Looking my ) Does she?

- Yes, I do.

Thank you, you fucking troll. I wish I was riding in an amigo, I would have rolled right over you.

Why do people insist on stereotyping a person based on the image of the person they see work each day. Am I not allowed to have a life outside of work? Is it impossible to fathom the thought that I might just throw my hair up in a bun, go sans makeup in jeans and a t-shirt to do grocery shopping?

Why is it that when I do it, slumming it? I've seen this fucking troll wearing sweatpants and flip flops.... what do you that?

Thank you for creating a little more insecurity in my already insecure mind.
Say it don't spray it!
Posted:Nov 15, 2019 3:38 pm
Last Updated:Nov 17, 2019 3:19 pm

Not once....

Not twice.....

But three times I witnessed flecks of spittle fly from the mouth of Nose Hair while he recounted an animated tale of crime and murder from the town in which he transferred.

How do you not notice your pelting your audience with spit while you talk? Isn't the dodging and deflecting a clue?? Part way through the story I was wishing for a riot shield and pith helmet.

But, I digress.

Gross as this was, it was still a million times better than seeing what he looks like with a runny nose.

Unfortunately, I've seen that too.
Walburgers, quarterly reviews, and secret margaritas
Posted:Nov 14, 2019 2:58 pm
Last Updated:Nov 15, 2019 3:17 pm

Boss #1 cooked me a Walburger on a panini grill today. I think he burned his fingers every single time he touched that grill.

Have I somehow fallen asleep and woken up in an alternate universe??

He was pretty proud of his accomplishment, too, and kept asking Boss #2 how she liked her burger.

I feel as though everything in the world is turned upside down.

At least my quarterly review was scheduled to happen immediately after.....

The boss duo was fed and happy. In all, the review went very well. How could it not?! I take a lot of pride in my job and I treat my coworkers the way I would like to be treated myself.

To say I really hate doing my quarterly self review is an understatement, but I'm always glad to have it behind me once it's done.

Thankfully.... I had margarita mix at home cause it's been a week full of Mondays. So, here I sit, sipping a frozen strawberry margarita right from the ninja hoping to forget my insecurities, my moments of lunacy, and the woman with the weird spiked mullet that yelled at me about frozen wheat bread dough.

Wish me luck!

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