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Ramblings of the depraved.....
 
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Oh.... Cripe!
Posted:Apr 28, 2021 3:48 am
Last Updated:Apr 29, 2021 3:30 am
7810 Views

My cat is in heat.

Ugh....

I'll definitely be making an appointment to get her spayed when this is all done. She's an annoying nightmare right now.

I've only ever had one cat in my life and, she as probably already fixed by the time we got her, so I've never experienced this before.

This sucks!

Until then, wish me luck!
25 Comments
How many umbrellas are considered too many?
Posted:Apr 27, 2021 4:00 pm
Last Updated:Apr 30, 2021 3:10 pm
7651 Views

Depends...

Are you leaving work?

Is it pouring down rain?

Are you currently without an umbrella??

Then, you can NEVER have too many umbrellas.... The other two umbrellas in your car need a third!

I was the checkout purchasing yet ANOTHER umbrella when I heard a voice yell my name.

It was my Work BFF.

"Oh my God!! !!!! so glad you saw , I was almost the door! How are you??"

, I sounded a little like a five year old who had just seen her parents after the Christmas play .

Loud... Excited... Smiley...

He was still happy to see , regardless, and we ended up talking for quite a while, catching up on his new job and some of the happenings in his personal life.

Long enough, in fact, that it actually quit pouring outside and the sun was coming out as I walked to my car.

Thank God I bought that third umbrella!

Egads...

Happy Tuesday!
20 Comments
How do you dress?
Posted:Apr 27, 2021 3:43 am
Last Updated:May 16, 2021 5:07 am
11637 Views

When the weather man says...

It can be anywhere from the mid 40's to the mid 70's today.

Really?

Um.... Is that a scientific guess there, Michael Stevens?

I feel like someone who has spent that many years in meteorological school could kind of narrow that down *just a little*. I do realize everything you forecast is basically a meteorological guess based on a weather pattern you are seeing on a screen...

But 40 - 70 degrees??

I can't wait to see what the actual temp gets to today.

I'll keep you posted.... Happy Tuesday!
47 Comments
Feeling some block...
Posted:Apr 26, 2021 3:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2021 4:43 am
7675 Views
Writer's block, that is.

I have stuff I could write about....

I'm just... I'm just not feeling the words pour from me like usual. I often describe my writing as free flow because that's pretty much what happens.

I sit down.

I think about something that happened to me during the day.

I write.

I was on my way to the Dennos Museum in Traverse City yesterday when I found myself driving behind a shitbox van that had a sticker on the back window that said...

Jesus would slap the shit out of you!

And I though, you know what? He probably would.

When did I become the girl who sits back and lets life happen to me??

Fuck that shit!

Time for me to take charge again.

Speaking of block...

When I was at the museum yesterday I happened across this gem!



An anatomically correct block man!



Or, as I'd like to refer to him.... My new boyfriend.



While it's not really a happy day for me, it is a day.

So, I'll just leave it at.... Monday!
37 Comments
Something for Nothing
Posted:Apr 22, 2021 3:21 am
Last Updated:Apr 26, 2021 3:23 am
8712 Views

"I was told I still have to work while I wait for the results of my COVID test to come back."

This is not the first time I've had an angry employee complaining about this in my office.

"Were you directed by a doctor or governing authority to get the test? The policy is, we respect everyone's choice to get a COVID test if they choose to do so but if you weren't directed to, you do it on your own time. If you want to be paid, you still have to work."

The problem is, back in the way beginning of this COVID shit, my company was giving out paid time off right and left for anything COVID related.

Tested?? We don't want you back! PTO time until you get those results!

Employees jumped on this bandwagon like gangbusters!

Yah, I'd really like a day weekend.... I think I'll get tested Friday morning and get the whole weekend off, with . Bonus!!

"I don't agree with this. My neighbors was diagnosed with COVID and she was hanging out my 's best friend the day before!"

"Did the health department call you or your and tell you quarantine?"

"No. They should have though."

"Whether they should have or not is not . I understand your concerns. I really do. Every single one of us here at work has these close calls every single day, believe . We work with the public."

"I was told the company got a money from the government to cover this! Why aren't they using it!"

, fuck-tastic!

Nothing like a good stick-it--the-man conspiracy!

"The company is using it for the employees who ARE diagnosed with COVID. They ARE using it for the employees who are required quarantine because they are directed do so by a governing authority. They ARE using it for the employees who fail a health screen due exposure."

"I fall into that exposure thing though!"

"Were you within 6 feet of your neighbors for more than minutes?"

"No."

"Then you haven't been exposed."

Not going lie folks....

I am SO ready for this whole COVID thing be over. Well, as over as it can be, anyway.

Until then, I get deal with this shit daily.

Happy Thursday!
15 Comments
Lunch Time with the Workplace Killjoy
Posted:Apr 21, 2021 2:50 pm
Last Updated:Apr 22, 2021 3:31 am
7785 Views

Feeling happy? Confident?? Ready conquer the world???

My Workplace Killjoy can turn that around in a heart beat.... Trust !

"Hi [Killjoy], how's your day going?"

"Oh...."

Momentary silence

"You know."

I refuse let this woman ruin my lunch!

"Did you hear about [Suzy Q]? She got engaged over the weekend! I can't wait check out the ring."

"Marriage.... You know, that's the worst mistake anyone can make."

Oh shit, here it comes. I'm going need a Xanax just get through my lunch.

I fucking hate the Workplace Killjoy.

The question is, will she or won't she be able work the drug overdoses of both of her into her story today.

"What really gets is the fact that my ex husband was with my when my overdosed on morphine..."

Sigh.... Yep.

"....when I found out he was a quarter of a million dollars in debt even after selling our business..."

How much of this can I take before they have take the sharp implements away from me?

Quick, someone hide my letter opener!

"...I ended up calling the cops and having them do a wellness check on my but it was too late..."

The first few times I'd heard the stories it really pulled at my heartstrings.

How does a mother go on after not one, but die from a drug overdose?

I assumed she just need be able talk about it gain closure.... But, I've since changed my opinion on that.

I started watch her as she tells the story.

She's doing it for attention.

Ugh... I think I need a Xanax to just revisit this whole thing and write about it in my blog!

Cause, even though I know her tragedy has become a crutch for her to gain attention, it still makes me feel sad for her .
7 Comments
It was a sports bra debacle!
Posted:Apr 20, 2021 5:15 pm
Last Updated:Apr 27, 2021 3:41 pm
8810 Views

Tonight at the gym it was couples central.

To be honest, I was feeling a little jealous.

A husband / wife on the elliptical machines, a girlfriend / boyfriend lifting weights, hell, there was even a husband / wife on the stationary bikes behind .

Then there was .

And Sweaty Armpit Guy. Ack! Let's forget about him....

Then there was .

I was on the treadmill trying not see Sweaty Armpit Guy washing his face and hands with a wet wipe when I felt a weird tugging sensation on my right shoulder.

What the heck?!

I rolled my shoulder a little and I could feel my right breast lifting a hair as the fabric of my sports bra started slide upward.

Glancing down, I couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening.

And then I saw it.

It was horrible.

A nightmare of unimaginable horrors.

A sight that couldn't be unseen.

Apparently I hadn't locked the zipper down all the way on my sports bra and it had come apart while I was on the treadmill. Thankfully the sports bras for the chesty-girls have hooks that also fasten in the front aid in locking the girls down for exercise.

Unfortunately for , that hook had met it's match and it came unfastened too.

So there I was, trucking along on the treadmill, flopping in the wind.

Fantastic.

Cutting my walk short, I quickly wiped down my machine and inconspicuously crossed my arms, making my way to the restroom to harness the girls back up.

If I could have died of embarrassment, that would have been the end of me.

Right then and there...

Fortunately you can't die of embarrassment so here I now sit, chronicling my debacle for all the world to see.

Happy Tuesday!
28 Comments
When life is like a dumpster fire at the trailer park....
Posted:Apr 19, 2021 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2021 6:25 pm
8112 Views

It's time to make s'mores.

Have you ever noticed people's memories on this site are short?

I received a message just now from a guy who I had royally pissed off when I teased him about his bathroom selfie.... Pissed off to the point that he said some really mean stuff to me about my profile pic and called my blog 'trite'.

He wanted me to remind him why I was mad at him.

Really?!?

What a fucktard!

I responded by telling him it was he who was mad at me.

To which he said.... Can we start over?

Um, yah... That's a hard NO.

Getting furious over the fact that someone pointed out a toilet in the backdrop of your 'good' selfie isn't exactly screaming...

Pick me! Pick me!!

Retaliation with harsh scrutiny about my feet pic's and the "stupid shit you journal about" didn't earn any brownie points either!

I gotta be honest.

I'd kind of like to just chuck this guy into that dumpster fire.

I think it would ruin the s'mores though.... Nobody wants to eat a s'more that tastes like douche bag.....

I politely told him no, I wasn't interested in revisiting that fun experience again.

I'd rather eat a s'more that was cooked over a trailer park dumpster fire!

Yah...

Happy Monday!
28 Comments
Knight in shining armor....
Posted:Apr 18, 2021 5:43 pm
Last Updated:Apr 19, 2021 2:45 pm
7893 Views
Not my knight, but a knight none-the-less.

The Spawn and I trekked out the lighthouse in Ludington today.

It was a beautiful day, definitely worth the drive!

There just isn't anything better than a little family bonding time!!



Here we are, mother and , soaking it all in and enjoying our day!

Yep, that's her.... My Spawn.... Walking miles ahead of cause, ya know... God forbid she be seen with her mother.

Gives you the warm fuzzies, doesn't it?!?

Ugh....

I had just gotten home when I got a message from my Real Life Best Friend telling me that the Hippie had come her rescue.

She and her autistic had decided walk the entire length of beach at Sturgeon Bay and, upon reaching the end, she wasn't sure she'd be able walk it back her car. Thinking it might be easier just walk the paved road, she and her started walking the road only discover, the road itself was hilly and had a bunch of winding bends and turns.

The Hippie had driven past her though, and turned around.....

Coming back offer her a ride. A ride that she'd gladly accepted because she was pretty sure she wasn't going be able make the walk even though her was still going strong.

He always was such a nice guy.

And today, he was her knight in shining armor.

Here's to best friends and Sunday knights....

.
23 Comments
A Tire Story
Posted:Apr 16, 2021 3:58 am
Last Updated:Apr 20, 2021 3:02 pm
7511 Views

I got to the tire place yesterday and I was happy to see the guy who I had spoken with on the phone was the guy who I would be dealing with in person.

There are always issues when you're dealing with someone else.

That's not what he quoted....

These aren't the same brand....

He didn't say anything about an extended warranty....

So, when I stepped up to the little computer desk he was working at and recognized the voice, I felt way more at ease.

"Is that your CR-V out there? Outside the window there?"

I looked to where he was pointing and yep, it was.

"Yah."

"Ok, I'm just going to go check the tire size and make sure it takes that standard size."

He headed for the door and was gone in a flash. Glancing up, I noticed a bunch of guys on the other side of a windowed wall staring at me from the tire change bays, and feeling a little on-display, I decided to just turn around and take a peek at what the sales guy was doing to my car.

Only.....

He wasn't at my car.

He was looking at the tires on the car next to mine... A much older, crappier version of the same car.

Oh my fucking God, what are the odds that I would park right next to another CR-V?!?

Heading immediately to the door, I caught him as he was trucking back inside.

"That wasn't my car."

"What?"

"You weren't checking the tires on my car, that was someone else's."

He was baffled! I wondered to myself, am I not good looking enough to drive a nicer car?

"My car is right next to that one."

"The tan one??"

He is in disbelief that it is my car.

I shook my head yes and out the door he went to check the tires on the correct one.

Taking his place behind his little computer, he started furiously typing away with a furrowed brow.

Turns out, my car didn't actually take the most commonly used standard size. It took a bigger tire. As he was explaining it, I swung around to do a comparison on the tires of the two cars out in the parking lot and, sure enough, I could see a size difference even from where I was standing.

"Ok, bad news. Bigger tires equal bigger price, and I'll have to put them on order. I will have them tomorrow and if we can agree on a price, I would be more than happy to just pick up your vehicle, do the tire replacement, and return it back to you."

"Let's talk about price."

"Good news. I can do this tire, it's a better tire grade than the one quoted and if I apply [various discounts] I can get it within $75 of the quoted price."

It was only an $8 difference between the same tire in the correct size. The same tire would not be able to be shipped until Monday.

"I feel really bad about the inconvenience and I'd like to try to make it up to you."

"If that's the out-the-door price, I'll take them."

Quote in hand, away I went....

We'll see what happens today when he comes to get my car.

Will he be able to find me?

Will my office be full of coworkers like usual?

Will I become the subject of office gossip as this guy was SMOKING hot! Oooh la la!!

TGIF!!!
21 Comments
The Tire Salesman
Posted:Apr 15, 2021 3:39 am
Last Updated:Apr 18, 2021 5:55 pm
6933 Views

When I had my oil changed a few weeks ago the Middle had told me....

"Mom, you REALLY need to get new tires."

By the look in his eyes, I knew he was serious, so I called up the tire place and scheduled an appointment yesterday.

That was quite the experience.....

"Hello. Thank you for calling [tire place]...."

Have you noticed those chain businesses all have a spiel now? They can't just say 'Hey, this is Joe Schmoe, how can I help you? They have to offer you great things and custom experiences that will keep you coming back?

"Hi. I need to schedule an appointment to get new tires."

"Ok. What size do you need? Are we doing all 4?"

"Yes, I'm doing all 4. I need the size that fits my car."

Ok, so, I was hair unprepared. I just assumed they'd be asking me for the make and model of my car and go from there.

Tire Guy - totally laughing at the other end of the phone.

"Oh, you're serious."

"I schedule appointments with people who know what they're doing because I'm one of those people who don't."

More laughter, Tire Guy is getting a kick out of this.

"You called the right place then, we're tire experts. We'll see you Thursday night at 6pm."

I did give him the make and model of my car and he did give me an estimate over the phone, so it wasn't a complete debacle. I also checked out the pricing online with installation to make sure he was on the up and up and not upselling me something I totally didn't need, he he was not.

I have to say, I feel pretty confident in this place so far.

We'll see what happens tonight when I actually get my new tires installed.

Until then, Happy Thursday!
25 Comments
It's a wash!
Posted:Apr 14, 2021 3:53 am
Last Updated:Apr 15, 2021 2:30 pm
6944 Views

Or, more accurately, a scrub.

I bought the Spawn a face scrub a while ago and thought I'd give it a try last night.

These masks have been taking a toll on my skin....

So, there I was!

Scrub in hand, I squeezed a small amount into my palm and started to smooth it across my forehead, chin, and nose.

"Oh, that's tingly."

Using my fingertips, I gently rolled the gritty particles across my skin and focused on the areas that needed the most help.

T-Zone....

Nose....

Chin....

Between sweat and oily skin beneath the masks, I managed to find myself with another pimple next to my nose and my skin hasn't had a breakout in years.

"Woah! I'm going to have to wash this off!"

What the hell was in this scrub? Eyes watering, skin tingling, I rinsed it off and patted my face dry.

Fast forward to this morning.....

"Aaah!"

It's not a good sign when the sight of your face startles you first thing in the morning.

Everywhere I had used the scrub my skin was red and tight. It's quite possible I removed more than just my dead surface skin cells......

"Oh my God, what was in that stuff??"

Salicylic acid.

Um, ok, I've used that before. It helps to keep skin clean and clear of pore clogging debris....

It has been years though.

Apparently my old skin isn't hearty enough to withstand a 's face scrub??

Good lord... Getting old is a bitch!

Looks like I'll need a burka today....

Happy Wednesday!
27 Comments
Oh Monday....
Posted:Apr 12, 2021 3:39 am
Last Updated:Apr 14, 2021 4:52 am
6838 Views

You fucking bitch.

Ugh.....

My allergies are still out of control. My puffy, swollen eyes look like piss holes in the snow as I sit here watching the local news, slowly drinking a cup of coffee. How fantastic will it be when I've got my mask on and ALL you'll be able see my are those puffy eye sockets??

I can't wait!!

[Insert exasperated groan here]

Wish luck!

Happy Monday!
24 Comments

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