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Days in the life
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My life is kinda....
Posted:Feb 24, 2012 12:15 am
Last Updated:Jan 28, 2015 4:55 am


I can't blame it on the weather....for winter..it's been pretty freaking awesome.

I just don't really do anything

I need excitement...and lots of it.

Sheeuut I'm getting boring
I don't think...
Posted:Dec 30, 2011 5:55 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2015 4:47 pm

I ever want to be in a long term relationship again.

Honestly, I'm not very good at them.

I get bored, angry, resentful, and I just plain start wandering.

When I think about it ...I like the "IDEA" of a relationship...

I like some things about the closeness, Having someone in your bed...a sexual partner that you totally gel with...company that you click with...a shower buddy..lol

But I can do without somehow becoming a possession somewhere along the way...I begin to resent all of the obligations...and having to "report" to someone. I dislike all the things that are lost along the way ...in a relationship. Passion...desire...interest...the genuine desire to know more.

So...why do I always find myself falling into relationships? I've acknowledged in conversation that I have difficulty saying NO, even when I REALLY want to...trust me it's a known thing...ask Suz...she can't say no...lol

SO I guess it's the best thing for me is to stick to more casual things...like true FWB type situations or the exploration of all the things I REALLY want to do.

Let 2012 be the year of great exploration. I want to reconnect with sexy women and HAWT men... Oh yeah...and learning to say NO...haaaaaa
1 comment
Sleep is...
Posted:Nov 16, 2011 9:37 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2013 9:39 pm

a very elusive thing...

It seems like I'm having more wide awake moments when I should be out lately. I'm not stressed, I'm actually kind of happy and relieved soooo... what gives.

When I think about it, I'm wondering if it is the new space that has me off. Sure everything that makes wherever I am home is here, but the space is different, the air is different, the sounds are differend and I'm off kilter.

I did sleep some on Monday...someone came to visit me and, I was really comfortable. There is nothing like being comfortable enough with someone to sleep. If I'm not, I can't. That's all there is to it.

I guess it all goes back to a blog I wrote a long time ago...there is something about the way you can just FIT with someone, interlock, intertwine. The moment when it's no longer about sex, but being comfortable enough to relax, wind down, and sleep.

I wonder lately if my fear of not waking up, and believe me it's a growing fear... is it what's keeping me from sleeping? I am seriously afraid of going to sleep, dying in this room ....alone. My life is not such that people would check in on me or wonder where I am. My are busy and often gone doing their own thing...hence the fear. I'm not normally like this, but I guess it comes with the disease and the treatment.

So, I long for that level of comfort...that only comes when I'm able to sleep without fear...knowing I'm being held by someone breathing and warm...or the tylenol pm actually kicks in!
Posted:Nov 14, 2011 6:57 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2022 1:47 am

So here I am a bit perplexed and kind of filled with questions, but that's not a bad thing.

How do you define a friendship that is more than obviously MORE than a friendship and hits you hard in strange ways and in strange places. What if you want it, but you are not ready for how it makes you feel?


I wonder if what I do...who, and how I am is ultimately a bad thing. As I've described, I connect to people, I love the passion, intensity, the intimacy that CAN be had. I want that...badly.

But, do I want to be convenient?


But then I step back and say..ok you've been told this before. YOU can overwhelm people. Why wouldn't someone want to catch their breath, shake their head...step back and breathe.

So here's to some breathing...some space...and friendship...with benefits.
I haven't
Posted:Nov 9, 2011 4:43 pm
Last Updated:May 16, 2022 1:47 am

Posted anything in a while...

sux not having internet!
1 comment
I'm in the middle...
Posted:Nov 1, 2011 8:56 pm
Last Updated:Apr 21, 2013 9:41 pm

Of moving.

But I'm not just physically changing the space that I live in, there's a lot of other movement going on that I didn't realize until I started typing.

Sure, I'm packing my crap and changing residences, but there's also me moving on from a relationship that was, in many ways quite amazing, but ultimatley doomed to fail, because it wasn't what I wanted, and never could be.

I'm making more moves right now than, I know. I'm also "dating" ish. I mean...this/these are real hey ya wanna go out sometime, things rather than ...hey I'm bored in my current relationship and home alone, and I really need to fuck ..you game?

I'm not looking for a Romeo to sweep me off my feet or anything. Quite frankly I'm not LOOKING for much of anything, but seeing what happens could be amazing fun.
I wanted to write...
Posted:Oct 30, 2011 9:18 pm
Last Updated:Nov 2, 2011 11:24 am


Well anyway..

This is probably something I've never written about before, so here goes.

There is this thing that happens to me...not very often, but it does. Sometimes when sex is.."just right" I can't stop having orgasmic spasms.

Now this doesn't necessarily mean...I'm soaking the sheets or anything, but...

Let's build a scenario..

So, I'm clicking with this guy, the sex is awesome on many levels and I like it A LOT. When I like how things are going, I hold back, because, as I've said before, I really love the act. But when I finally let go, sometimes if things line up just right, I can not stop having orgasmic spasms.

So what does this mean? Once we've both cum, especially if he stays inside me, "THINGS" will continue to spasm, which cause the pace of my breathing to pick up, I might squirm, and I may or may not cum again.

Lately, this has happened so much (which is VERY different for me) that it doesn't stop for HOURS. not fucking kidding! I was literally sitting across a table from the guy talking, and I could barely contain myself. I was shifting in my seat. my legs were quivering, my crotch was throbbing, and I using my hands to lift myself up. He noticed...

I actually ended up having to go purchase some underwear on my break at work...well ...because I freaking needed them because it just kept happening ..FOR HOURS.

All I can say is WOW...Mommy like!
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