Lack of message responses  

jjdeek607 57M
8 posts
11/13/2021 4:53 am
Lack of message responses


This is just a general rant and not directed at anyone. One of the things that has really annoyed lately on Heated Affairs is the lack of people responding to messages. As part of being a VIP member, I get read receipts letting me know when someone has read my message. So I know people are reading sent messages, but most people do not respond and sometimes it is a simple yes/no question. It is not just free members, but gold members as well. I understand new members can not respond to messages unless their account is set up that way, so they may not be used to checking their messages often. But if I was a free member I would sure as hell be checking my messages and weeding out the rude and scam messages and take a shot and respond to a message. Otherwise, free members are just window shopping and missing out on so many connections.

As a VIP member, I get a lot of messages each day because my profile shows up on a national level. It is easy to spot the scammer messages, but I do get messages from actual people. I do a response to ones that seem like a real person, even though they live across the country. But that one response has developed into some online friendships, with a few I will be meeting up with soon because they will be visiting my hometown during the upcoming holidays. All because I took a minute to a response.

Maybe it is just a lack of common courtesy in my local area or just the nature of this site. Or it s just easier for women to ghost someone and not a I am not interested response for fear of a threatening or rude response. I am still going to respond to any messages I receive if I think it is a real person just because I do not like to leave people hanging or let them know where they stand with me. I guess my expectations were too high for this site or I am out of touch with the way things are done on this site. Either way, that is my rant on this cold Saturday morning.

HAMONMAN 62M
12954 posts
11/13/2021 8:57 am



You can only be responsible for your own conduct.


seems6666 51F
4813 posts
11/13/2021 11:17 am

No response IS a response. It means they are not interested.. also it depends on your approach. I will respond to a nice introduction to say thanks but no thanks. Also .. you might want to change your profile pic.. don't want to be rude but it's not very appealing. Good luck


TicklePlease 54F  
13823 posts
11/13/2021 2:49 pm

    Quoting seems6666:
    No response IS a response. It means they are not interested.. also it depends on your approach. I will respond to a nice introduction to say thanks but no thanks. Also .. you might want to change your profile pic.. don't want to be rude but it's not very appealing. Good luck
I second Ms Seems on this... surely you can snap a better picture for your first impression.

Along the lines of first impressions, the bit about "sloppy manners" on your profile probably isn't going to change anyone with sloppy manners, it's only going to make women who may have thought about responding think twice in case you're one of those guys who endlessly complain about women.

Your profile reads sincerely and your body pictures are where they should be... viewable but not your main. Obviously you don't have any problems making a connection with people who reach out first. You seem intelligent and upfront so either your initial email is lacking somehow or you should try changing your picture to your rear view one.

Just my female .03


RavenousRaven777 54M
71 posts
11/13/2021 6:21 pm

Interesting.
What might be happening is you’re probably seeing free members who click on your message and therefore it comes up as “read”, but as a formerly paying member who let my membership lapse during Covid, I can tell you that free members can’t even read messages, let alone not be able to reply to them.
When I get a message as a free member, I click on it and it is scrambled in some form of weird Latin text, so I have no idea what it says….AND on top of that, I can’t reply! So by me clicking on it (it’s scrambles it so I can’t read it) but it probably registers as “read” since I clicked it. That might be what’s happening to you.
Unless of course as a VIP member all of your messages can be read and replied to regardless of recipients paid status? In which case forget everything I just said. If that’s the case, then they’re probably looking at your profile and pics and what you wrote and decided they’re not interested….but yeah, it might be nice if they just said a quick no thank you. But having said that, if you’re looking for women…it’s no secret they get slammed with possibly a hundred messages a day and can’t respond to them all, so they don’t…only the ones that initially catch their eye and interest.
In which case, you just gotta go with your own flow and do your thing and not worry about it so much. Just let it roll off your back. Good luck to ya!


jjdeek607 57M

11/14/2021 3:17 am

Thanks for the replies. I did change my profile pic and cleaned up my profile some. Hard to put an actual facial pic as my main photo because I'm a teacher and do not want a parent or student to view my profile. Raven, I was not aware that standard member messages are scrambled, so makes sense why standard members do not bother checking messages. I will just accept that this how things are on this site.


sweetcirce1 78F  
142 posts
11/14/2021 10:24 am

As a woman, I get more rude messages here than polite, intelligent ones. That's why I have an automatic response, but some people just ignore what it says and persist in getting off on writing obscene notes. I see no reason why I should encourage this by responding. If someone takes the time to send a polite note, though, I try to acknowledge it.


jjdeek607 replies on 11/14/2021 10:57 am:
I can see where an automatic response would be useful for women. Many men do not make this site easy for woman. I do not understand how guys think being rude and making obscene comments is going to get them very far.

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