Does Sex Equal Love?  

im_soaking_wet 38F
4312 posts
10/14/2020 10:43 am
Does Sex Equal Love?

I have always held onto a set of beliefs in my life that I stand by. One of those beliefs is that sex does not equal love. That I might be in a relationship with one person, but if an indiscretion happens - it really shouldn't be the end of the world. Lives shouldn't be shattered or rocked. I don't believe humans were made to be monogamous and with one person for the entirety of their life.

That being said, I know that not everyone agrees with my belief system. I know that I'm a little offside with a lot of my beliefs and my generally centrist ideologies. In this specific instance though, hear me out.

If I am in a relationship, I am in that relationship because I adore the majority of things about that person. They way they listen when I talk, the cuddles as we go to sleep, the willingness to engage, their laugh, the way they look at me, their abilities as a human. I am in that relationship, regardless of their flaws. Some may say in spite of, but I believe flaws are a huge part of what makes a human, human. So, regardless of the persons flaws - i'm in.

This doesn't mean that I wouldn't sit in a pub and think another human is good looking. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't think about their dick or how they would fuck. It doesn't mean that I don't continue to fantasize about people outside of my relationship with this one person. My person.

If I choose to have a one night stand, casual sex with a random or friend, or make the decision to mutually masturbate with that person - why is that a problem? I still make the choice to be with my person. To go home to the one I love. To wake up and have breakfast and coffee with that person.

Sex does not equal love. Sex is a basic human instinct that we all have and should embrace. So why is it so taboo? Why should we be denying our basic instincts, when in reality - it is who we are?

Thoughts? Let's get an active discussion going.
No, monogamy is where it's at
You're wrong. Sex does equal love
Sex and love are separate things
You're right Soaks, Keep on bangin'
It's complicated


im_soaking_wet 38F
1024 posts
10/14/2020 10:44 am

The blog post can be found here too, without the typing mistakes:

I have always held onto a set of beliefs in my life that I stand by. One of those beliefs is that sex does not equal love. That I might be in a relationship with one person, but if an indiscretion happens - it really shouldn't be the end of the world. Lives shouldn't be shattered or rocked. I don't believe humans were made to be monogamous and with one person for the entirety of their life.

That being said, I know that not everyone agrees with my belief system. I know that I'm a little offside with a lot of my beliefs and my generally centrist ideologies. In this specific instance though, hear me out.

If I am in a relationship, I am in that relationship because I adore the majority of things about that person. They way they listen when I talk, the cuddles as we go to sleep, the willingness to engage, their laugh, the way they look at me, their abilities as a human. I am in that relationship, regardless of their flaws. Some may say in spite of, but I believe flaws are a huge part of what makes a human, human. So, regardless of the persons flaws - i'm in.

This doesn't mean that I wouldn't sit in a pub and think another human is good looking. It doesn't mean that I wouldn't think about their dick or how they would fuck. It doesn't mean that I don't continue to fantasize about people outside of my relationship with this one person. My person.

If I choose to have a one night stand, casual sex with a random or friend, or make the decision to mutually masturbate with that person - why is that a problem? I still make the choice to be with my person. To go home to the one I love. To wake up and have breakfast and coffee with that person.

Sex does not equal love. Sex is a basic human instinct that we all have and should embrace. So why is it so taboo? Why should we be denying our basic instincts, when in reality - it is who we are?

Thoughts? Let's get an active discussion going.


philosophilander 41M
21 posts
10/14/2020 11:26 am

I think there are different kinds of love. Longstanding love that lasts, and short term passionate lust/love. Kind of like the difference between happiness and joy.


Suprcuk49 61M
257 posts
10/14/2020 11:32 am

A lot of people can't separate the two. Had friends that tried the lifestyle but ended up dropping out. She just couldn't follow the rules. Plus on of her "fwb's" turned into a predator and split the couple up for awhile. Good thing her man was a good one and they worked thru it.


seems6666 51F  
4838 posts
10/14/2020 11:46 am

No, sex definitely does not equal love.
If I was in a happy solid relationship I wouldn't even think of seeing or having sex with anyone else.. why risk what you have? What would your partner say if he found out? ... or does he see other people too?
I might see a man and think ooh he's hot.. but would not take it any further.


positively4you 72F  
4605 posts
10/14/2020 11:48 am

I think no. But, sex with love is the best. If I love him, I cannot abide by him having sex elsewhere. It woild be painful for me.


CedarsPrince 42M  
1608 posts
10/14/2020 12:22 pm

Sex does not equal love. Sex is a basic human instinct that we all have and should embrace. So why is it so taboo? Why should we be denying our basic instincts, when in reality - it is who we are?

Separate emotions even if it requires the same tools. Sex is physical activity without caring what happens to the other person afterwards.

Why is it taboo? Depends by whom


Piper3654K 52M  
141 posts
10/14/2020 12:23 pm

I think the two are separate but in many instances the line is blurry. Great post.


1seeking1 56F  
3767 posts
10/14/2020 12:28 pm

Sex and live are separate, and there are many kinds of love. I love my children , my friends and pets. In a committed relationship where we are lovers as well as friends, ongoing honest communication is essential. Perhaps it could turn into a swinger relationship with both agreeing to it. To sneak behind someone's back , is not acceptable. I am talking about looking or fantasizing about other people, that is in our nature. Yes it is complicated lol


BigJarrodDonne 29M

10/14/2020 12:33 pm

Sex does not equal love, nor does love mean only sex.


RavenGB 61M  
1430 posts
10/14/2020 12:39 pm

No, sex does not equal love. Sex is a vital part of most people's lives, but sometimes it is no longer present in a loving relationship - for a variety of reasons. Some people in a deep and loving relationship want to have sex with others, together or alone whilst maintaining their special bond. Others want the sexual aspect of their relationship to be exclusive to them. It is, and should always remain, the business only of the people involved. With that said, having sex with an outsider whilst being in a supposedly monogamous relationship should be an absolute no, no. All good relationships are based on trust. A purely sexual relationship is based on lust - not quite the same thing!


ULIXBIG 67M  
9288 posts
10/14/2020 12:40 pm

Sex does not equal love. But it's complicated ...
Keep banging Soaks!


sdknudist 67M
46 posts
10/14/2020 12:53 pm

A guy hooked me up with his wife and we had sex for three years, he asked me if I loved her I told him no and she said the same. It was just mutual sex which we enjoyed.


dogslife2live01 70M

10/14/2020 1:12 pm

it is not the sex with others that strains a relationship. although the sexual act is what your SO can put a finger on... it is the broken trust that puts a wall between loving partners.
although the picture of you fucking another hangs before the SO's eyes, it is the question of when will the next one cum that will linger long after words of forgiveness have been spoken.
so yes i agree sex and love do not always share the same bed... love and trust are inseparable

there is a world of difference between insanity and stupidity


GimmeAThrill 53M  
24635 posts
10/14/2020 1:51 pm

Sex does NOT equal love, and it's a truism. No belief required.


A corollary to keep in mind; there's fucking, and making love, but you don't make love without a bunch of great fucking.

Smart as a horse and hung like Einstein.


DoctorBooty 41M  
6426 posts
10/14/2020 2:17 pm

To me they certainly are separate things, obviously I don’t love all the women that I have been with. Most id say that I “liked” them and formed a type of love for (as a friend or something).

I know myself too though, and I wouldn’t step out for a one night stand or anything else if I was completely in love and being taken care of sexually. Nor would I tolerate it from her. To me if I get the great sex I know I need at home, why jeopardize it. Its not that I don’t fantasize, cuz no one can stop their natural tendencies, I’ll just stop there.

So while I am a total man whore when I consider myself single, I do seek monogamy and at that level of a loving relationship they do become entwined, for me.


ironchef0 41M
46 posts
10/14/2020 7:16 pm

welcome back! you were always one of my favourites and i've missed your blog posts.


oldman1973 73M/36F  
617 posts
10/14/2020 8:23 pm

I Phon (F) get all the love I need from my loving husband, with all other men it's just raw sex which I love and my husband loves seeing me getting it as much as possible


3200Ram 41M
210 posts
10/15/2020 5:13 am

we use sex to understand others.... love is no expect


letsplay71563 59M

10/15/2020 5:25 am

I used to think sex was the same as love but as I have gotten older and my marriage ended I have started to realize that they are two separate things.
If you truly love someone and you are together the sex part takes a back seat to the love you have for that person.
I can go have sex with someone and yes if may be great sex but I dont have a true connection with the person. Its sex and sex only. If I am in a relationship with someone its sex and all the other things that go with it. Waking up next to her, having deep conversation and wanting to be around them.
So why the need for outside sex? I do believe that humans like most animals were not meant to be with only one person. Doesn't mean we are incapable of love but that we have needs and instincts that are above that.
I have all the respect in the world for those that are together in every sense of the word. I just dont feel its right for me.


DiscreetQuirky 53M
281 posts
10/15/2020 10:57 am

Not the same. I feel varying degrees of love for everyone I've had sex with. ("To all the girls I've loved before... ) And there's a more lasting love for my wife.


Superman4695 37M
168 posts
10/15/2020 1:11 pm

No problem if you are both in an open relationship but if he is expecting you to be his one and only you are a cheater. it is about being truthful honest and faithful. You want your cake and eat it too. Seems a bit self centered.

You are right they are not the same thing. I have not had sex with anyone I have loved yet. All mine have been open and never reached the just the two of us forever stage. There were women i was in love with that I never got to be with. However some people equate sex only with people they are in love with. I guess it works for them.


toy20666 64M
105 posts
10/15/2020 5:58 pm

I enjoy this, it makes sense, have sex with others, enjoy like is to short

Thank you


PAWAPh 46M  
14861 posts
10/16/2020 11:18 am

*Voted*

Jack


im_soaking_wet 38F
1024 posts
10/16/2020 1:22 pm

I think we certainly got the dialogue going with this one! One of the coolest things about life is how everyone’s background, baggage, lifestyle - dictates the response to this. These are the parts of being human, that I find utterly intriguing.


marioszp3engmai 57M
15 posts
10/16/2020 8:02 pm

When you love a person, you are with them, despite everything, even if the sex is bad. I think that if sex is bad, it is because in reality, everything is bad in everyday life, and the relationship will not last as such.
When everything works in daily life and in bed and there is not only love, but also complicity, you don't need anyone else.


DDreams524 69M

10/16/2020 9:02 pm

Sex and love can be separate things to some people. Is it one-time meet-up, or short term NSA type of meet-ups fairly easy to keep separate. Beyond that I personally feel it can be more complicated if trust, feelings shared, and emotional feelings are involved beyond just the movement of one sexual position to the next position and just going through the motions, without feelings or emotional connection to the other party you are meeting up with. I thought when I was younger i could and did do that in one or two relationships. But I learned over time I cannot do that now. It has to be more than such sex for me, in my later years and now.


What do you think?
0 Agree 0 Neutral 0 Disagree


Cornflake_Girl_ 36F  
542 posts
10/17/2020 9:29 am

Love doesn't even equal love!💔💣💥


latinagypysy61 61F
40 posts
10/17/2020 1:27 pm

Sex does not equal Love - it may lead to Love due to the Chemistry .. or misguided Love ~ Yes! ~ then there's that !! -



Hope you Enjoy! my Blog .. more to CUM .....(YUM) ..... yours truly, Latina-gypsy 61 ~ my favorite ..................


mjrobs155 65M

10/17/2020 4:35 pm

Love is not part of the equation... a simple way to look at it is we just love having sex, no more no less.


calientico6986 35M

10/17/2020 4:42 pm

Swxo


wannaplay4198 55M
83 posts
10/17/2020 8:19 pm

I agree sex is pleasure at it's best just pure enjoyment


Passi0natelust 37M

10/17/2020 11:51 pm

I think it's complex. There's at least a form of love between sexual partners, just not always what we think of as romantic love


RomanticDom71 51M  
1 post
10/18/2020 12:59 am

I believe if you love someone fully, and maintain honesty about personal desires and or fantasy's, the need for friends with benefits will fall to the way side. Sex might not equal love but great sex come's from love and respect.

Always go with your heart. PaddleMan71's muse group is the link to my erotica fan group.


Superman4695 37M
168 posts
10/18/2020 6:03 am

    Quoting RomanticDom71:
    I believe if you love someone fully, and maintain honesty about personal desires and or fantasy's, the need for friends with benefits will fall to the way side. Sex might not equal love but great sex come's from love and respect.
I have to disagree the absolute best sex was with someone I just met. It has more to do with attitude and what you are willing to do to please a partner. Some people will never be great at sex since they are selfish and don't care about the other person's pleasure. Some people might be willing and put out a great effort but lack experience but they can become great all the time.

I think when people love someone they put on the rose colored glasses and elevate the other person. You overlook their faults, shortcomings, and mistakes. You cloud your perception due to emotion. It feels better to you because you want it to be.


letshave804 60M/45F  
4 posts
10/18/2020 5:45 pm

My wife have been happily swinging for 18 years and have been very much in love for 24. Swinging is just that sex nothing more nothing less. For us it is no more than a hand shake. We have discussed it many times that if one of us wants to stop living the lifestyle just say so and we are done and will live a happy life together with just each other.
If any one is tipping a toe in the swinging lifestyle and has to ask that.
My advise to them is DON'T DO IT. It will end badly with jealousy issues. If a person cant discriminate between love and just raw monkey sex the lifestyle is not for them.


Malliance 32F

10/18/2020 11:20 pm

Every time I hear a nilla say "humans are not monogamous " I want to puke over the stupidity .

"indiscretion happens" No they dont no one accidentally has sex with someone outside of a relationship.. You're either in a open relationship or you're a cheating coward .


Azbear1969 52M
85 posts
10/20/2020 9:19 pm

Sex and love are two separate things. I am married and I love my wife, but I have had sex with others for certain reasons. I love my wife, but when it came to having sex with others, that is just what it was, sex. There is one person where thought it would just be sex, but she and I are in love with each other. She knows that I love my wife, but she also knows that I do love her and she loves me.


bootlacebob 55M
25 posts
10/21/2020 7:05 am

I also think sex and love are separate things, but it can be very complicated if it is not agreed apon between you and your partner.


CleanDna2donate 41M
19 posts
10/21/2020 10:20 pm

Yes Sex and Love are DRASTICALLY different things. Love involves much more closeness connection to your partner even during the physical act.
It is more like an act of creating a union between 2 souls. Taking time for each to become familiar with one another, to feel as if both of you are finally home.
SEX on the other hand is just a physical act of gratification for the body and nothing else.


flannel_light 59F  
4585 posts
10/22/2020 5:31 pm

Sex and Love are two very different things. I love my kids and friends and family but if I am in a relationship and we are exclusive than it will not go any further. I am one if I start dating any man I do not go out on them. If you go out with every Tom, Dick and Harry how can you find the one that is right for you.

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


4FunPlayfriend 43M

10/22/2020 9:11 pm

Completely separate..


Edua2013sw 55M

10/23/2020 7:28 am

I voted complicated but my opinion is 100 on line with positively4you


911curly 72M/69F
147 posts
10/23/2020 8:45 am

Nothing can replace a loving relationship , but as we age we realize sex is not love , it is healthy to have sex and it is a great stress release . Sometime our soul mate can not preform due to age or prostrate problems . I see no problem with having a fwb , as long as hubby knows , and friend knows he is not replacing mate , is discreet and realizes it just sex .


fandangochick 44F  
66 posts
10/31/2020 6:57 pm

I’ve had sex with so many I lose count but have only been in love with one for the last twenty plus years.

Sex lasts only a few minutes, hours or days but love is more permanent.


Billybob567ui 36M

11/11/2020 9:47 am

Sex equals lust which can create love and feels if you need that out of the relationship. But with out lust there is no chemistry and its just going through the motions


justme51 70M

11/21/2020 8:08 pm

    Quoting fandangochick:
    I’ve had sex with so many I lose count but have only been in love with one for the last twenty plus years.

    Sex lasts only a few minutes, hours or days but love is more permanent.
Your so right


fuegovital 58M
5481 posts
12/6/2020 3:24 pm

If you truly love your partner, you would never do anything that could hurt him.

Si quieres escribirme, este es mi... Buzn Para que no te dejen sin palabras


FitDaddy71 62M
178 posts
12/14/2020 9:04 pm

The presumption of the poll is that we all have the same defined definition of what is meant by the word "love." In Greek, there are 5 distinct words for love. In English? Well there is "infatuation" which many mistake for "love". What other words do we have? "Affinity?" You have strong desires for someone but does that equal "love?" I have an "affinity" for sports cars but not for the family sedan. There's also, "adoration." I still visit two of my college professors in their senior care homes because I "adore" being with them. I don't worship them but I hold them in the very highest regards.

Back to the Greek. There is eros, sexual love. Philaeo, or brotherly love. Then there is agape, with involves the will over and above the emotions. You speak of monogamy as equal to love. From experience, I would say that more closely aligns with agape than eros. Eros all too quickly (in my circumstance anyway) erodes away. Now there is a mixture of philaeo and agape. There is a mutual acceptance of the commitment regardless of the personal emotional relationship with your partner.

Though to define love is relative, one thing is certain, it didn't come from a rock prior to the "big bang." It came from a Person. Now if you want me to wax eloquent on that subject, perhaps that should be addressed privately so as not to ruffle feathers.


Ray94134 65M
31 posts
12/15/2020 1:05 pm

It's all a trade-off, Women trade sex for love, and men trade love for sex.


BBWjawn 37F

12/17/2020 5:21 am

yes sex and love are two different things


NCHankyPanky 70M  
6 posts
12/28/2020 3:02 pm

Sex and making love are different. Sex is a dinner. Making love is a dinner and dessert and a good bottle of wine.

Humans have a physical need for sex. Every human being is going to find other potential partners attractive and sexy and will be at least a little excited at the prospect -- even if s/he doesn't act on it.

Most humans also have a need to make love. A human being in a loving relationship is going to make love and be physically and emotionally satisfied -- maybe enough to pass on other opportunities. But some of those human beings will be able to separate sex from making love and be able to have both that loving relationship and outside sexual adventures.

Polyamory is most likely the default setting for human beings, but culture and religion have beaten that out of most of us. That's unfortunate.


edmregularguy 49M
13 posts
5/4/2021 9:01 pm

To provide a fully informed opinion, we should probably have sex first....


Become a member to create a blog