Starter Boyfriend?
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Posted:Jul 16, 2021 6:42 am
Last Updated:Aug 9, 2021 3:48 pm
11663 Views
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So I was watching TV, and this girl is sad because a guy she used be in love with but left because his life was a mess has turned himself around and things are going well. She's not jealous, but it makes her think about her current boyfriend, away on army duty, also used a little on the dark side, and she wonders if is a repeating pattern, based on her attraction people need help.
She says her grandfather, "I think I was just his 'starter girlfriend.' You know, like how sometimes you need training wheels learn how ride, and then one day you don't need them any more."
The grandfather replies sagely, " you just need pick people don't need fixing, or teaching."
And I sit thinking: I wonder how many times I have done that? happens me with friends as well as lovers.
I love help people. I listen problems and I try not offer a glib solution, but lead a discussion towards how the person I am talking to might work things out for themselves, from within. I like the cross flow of ideas about how life and relationships work. But is no doubt I have sometimes fallen in love with women needed help. can take varied forms. I am not, I am glad say, one of those men preys on damaged, needy women. If anything I am more prone finding a way in with someone is self-contained normally shuts people out. But I have been left behind by someone has found a new future armed with skills learned from me more than once.
I don't regret this - if they have better lives and are happy, then that's good. And if I was right for them, they would have wanted stay. I guess I was right for them before they got better. What does that say about me?
has happened me again recently, albeit in a slightly different way. I have a really close, lifelong friend I have helped through two horrible break ups. Both times we became closer when she needed me, and then, when all was well again, I heard from her less and less. That's okay, and 's not unusual. A good friend helps when you need them, not just when they feel like helping. But I don't feel so great myself these days, and I could use a bit of help. But my friend is busy with her new life and I don't see her so much. It wouldn't be fair of me criticise her for this. She would be horrified if she knew I needed her and didn't say. And actually I don't want talk her, because I am not ready answer my own questions - I'm not even sure I know what they are. And I don't feel bad enough go looking for comfort. But I would at least like be asked, you know what I mean? I think I come across as being all okay inside. I guess that's probably how I want come across.
But I am just people's "starter" sometimes.
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16
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Olympic Fascinations
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Posted:Jul 12, 2021 11:14 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2021 4:59 pm
10398 Views
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If you have followed my blog for many years you may not be surprised by the following revelations.
I genuinely do appreciate performance in women's sport of all kinds, but privately, here on Heated Affairs, I feel able to admit that I get very turned on by quite a few women sport stars. Heather Watson, the English tennis player, springs to mind. It's her smile and her tenacious underdog spirit. I love watching her play. Maria Andrejczyk, the Polish javelin thrower - sexiest face in athletics. She looks as if she knows she's turning me on. And while we are on the subject of names ending in czyk, what about Desirae Krawczyk, the USA tennis player, star of this year's Wimbledon mixed doubles? Something about her pushes all my buttons and makes me want to pinch my nipples. She is such a gorgeous shape.
The High jumpers - Levchenko, Lasistkene, well, all of them really: they are so tall and supple. Pole vaulter Siderova - best bum in sport.
Dina Asher-Smith. The faster she runs the more I love to watch her, And in her post-race interviews she giggles like the girl next door. I love that. (Have you noticed how it is important to have a double barrelled name if you want to be a women's sprint contender? Dina obviously, Marie-Josee Ta Lou, Shawnee Miller-Uibo, former champion Florence Griffith-Joyner and the great Shelley-Ann Fraser-Pryce. Even Elaine Thompson has recently added Herah to the end of her name!)
So, in the run up to the Olympic games, I find myself wondering, is this okay? Some of these women clearly do want to look sexy as well as to win. But they are not posting pictures of their naked bodies on Heated Affairs for me; they are competing in top level sport. What would they actually think of men like me who lust in secret after them, wonder about their sex lives and wish they could be there to help them unwind after their event?
Do I sound depraved and pathetic? I hope not, but I fear that in real life I might be judged. I don't feel depraved. I feel healthy and normal, celebrating the perfect physique yes, but appreciating the dedication, skill and effort that goes into their condition and performance as well.
I don't think I am likely to mention this outside of Heated Affairs. But I hope you guys understand. If you are watching the Olympics in a few weeks time, think of me when the sexiest women are on.
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3
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What do you Remember?
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Posted:Jul 9, 2021 4:02 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2021 6:41 am
9816 Views
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When years have gone by, and you reflect on past relationships (if you ever do) what do you remember the most?
Is it the pain of the break , or the sweetness of the first few months? Is it the companionship and the things you did together, or the sex? Or is it something less tangible; the feeling of who you were when you were with that person, or the sense of who they were and what being part of their life meant to you.
Maybe it is different in each case, and for different people. I don't know what I think, I just found myself day-dreaming about past loves today, and what they meant to me. And for me, it seems there is a kind of atmosphere about each relationship which defines it, and that is what I remember. I don't know if I could put that into words.
I do remember the sex too, and the heart ache. But mostly I think I remember how each time I felt differently about myself. And each time, I saw and shared my lover's hopes and dreams as well.
I hope she found them.
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Interesting, But Not Very Realistic
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Posted:Jul 9, 2021 3:50 am
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2021 3:51 am
9346 Views
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Okay, so maybe no one was interested in and the five sisters anyway, but just in case you wondered, and because I have a bit of time on my hands today and nothing much to do with it, I thought I would explain.
It was one of those dreams where not a lot actually happens but it was a very vivid and interesting scenario.
The sisters had names - Alison, Claire, Megan, Erica and Tigan. Their mother had noticed that I was making a close friendship with Claire, the second oldest, and invited me sleep with of them make sure I was choosing the right sister and there would not be problems later . Apparently it was a system they had agreed . The only exceptions were if any of the five actively did not want sleep with a guy, or if any of the parties were prevented by marriage or some other form of long term commitment and did not want share. ( this takes time tell, but in the dream, I knew it at once.)
I noticed that as you would expect, each sister had a distinct personality, despite some superficial similarities. Oddly though, I found myself falling in love with them all in different ways, and each of them also responded differently, and found different aspects of my personality attractive.
I suppose that too is fairly true to life, though not usually with a bunch of five willing sisters!
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Me and the Five Sisters
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Posted:Jul 5, 2021 7:17 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2021 7:48 am
9136 Views
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Forgive my absence, I have been a bit busy lately.
I had a great dream the other night about me and five sisters, but I haven't had time to write it up - I will have to leave it to your imagination for now.
See ya,
Dreamer.
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Me, Dina Asher Smith and the Gypsy Kings
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Posted:May 28, 2021 3:29 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2021 10:11 pm
11328 Views
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I don't quite know how I am feeling today; it's a strange mixture of happy and sad, and for no reason I know of. That's though I suppose.
I looked at my work schedule and I'm in one of those phases where I have things do, but nothing much I can get with until people I am waiting hear from come back .
So I thought I might have a bit of a quiet day, do a bit of writing maybe, or tidy my work bench, put some music and try relax without being melancholy. Not sure how well I am doing just yet. Spent most of the last hour watching Gypsy Kings videos the Tube. Wow those guys know some beautiful women.
Although Latin music was never top of my list of favourite styles I have always appreciated it, the way from Santana Andean Pan Pipes, but I never heard of the Gypsy Kings until, I don't know maybe about ten or fifteen years ago, (I lose track of how long ago things were these days) when a radio DJ began use Bamboleo every day as a jingle for something. Even then I thought it was just a bit of a joke until I heard the full version and watched the video. The way the verses lead the hooky chorus is a masterful piece of song writing. I love the way they always set the scene for their songs in some sultry back-country sierra, a late afternoon at the end of siesta with friends gathering and dancing the music. The flamenco Spanish guitar style, catchy tunes, husky vocals and rhythms add something special.
I like the image they create. For me it represents the idea of a seemingly very innocent music which nonetheless brings out a deep sexuality in women. Maybe that is my whole attitude sex: I want it be wholesome and innocent, but at the same time instinctive, erotic and desperately lustful. It isn't an easy combination find in real life, and if it isn't there you can fake it.
I had a dream last night. It was the Olympic Games and Dina Asher Smith needed me help her relax and get sleep the night before the 200 metres final. I bet she could dance the Gypsy Kings.
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Fucking Wind Chimes
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Posted:May 21, 2021 3:26 am
Last Updated:Jul 22, 2021 6:39 am
10777 Views
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Three days of constant winds gusting up to 45 miles an hour. And endless showery rain for weeks. WEEKS. I know it isn't hurricane or tornado force like some people have to put up with, but this is supposed to be spring in lovely southern England: blackbirds singing and apple blossom and all that. Well there's no fucking apple blossom left on my tree I can tell you that, either physically or metaphorically. I had just planted out some tomatoes as well, and they don't look like they are thanking me for it.
I'm not in the best of moods as you can probably tell by now. Frustrated with work, hemmed in on all sides by the weather and fed up with the new Covid world we all have to live in. As if it isn't enough that I have to sit here and listen to this endless blattering against the roof and the windows, some fucking idiot has hung bloody wind chimes up in their garden down the road, and they are driving me bonkers!
These chimes aren't the usual little fearie tinklers or the kind that make that rather comforting sort of hollow bamboo bonk noise. These are full-on tubular bells type loud bastards and in this weather the noise is constant. At first I thought someone was smashing glass bottles in the street. Mike Oldfield could come round my house and make a new album.
Now I am not normally one to get involved in disputes with my neighbours but honestly I am considering going round there and having a word.
Maybe I need that witchy woman Upsidedownsky had pictured on his blog to come round here and distract me before I do something I might regret later. (I suppose I might regret that later too though.)
Why couldn't some nice nubile wannabe slut come knocking on my door and say "Oh my ex boyfriend was so controlling, I need someone who I can just get into bed with and really concentrate on the sex without having to go out on dates and plan for the future, can I be your plaything please?" I mean that isn't too much to ask is it?
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17
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Seven Days
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Posted:May 11, 2021 10:39 am
Last Updated:May 26, 2021 2:20 am
11862 Views
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So normally I wouldn't post twice in one day - I like it when my friends come by and comment, but I don't want to bust in on their day and take too much of their time, or make them feel like it is all too much. But I just wanted to tell you about something which just happened because there is a serendipitous connection to my earlier post.
So, when I was driving west, the radio played "Seven Days" by Craig David. I have never really liked Craig David, but without thinking it through I would never have been able to tell you why. I don't mind a bit of American style RnB , but for me it either has to sound like they really mean it, or it has to have a good message like the Black eyed Peas "where is the love" or something. And Craig David always sounded like a wannabe to me, and also I thought he had a kind of whole "playah " style going on which seems to me to encourage sexism, which I really don't like. (I always used to think that against my better judgement I liked "Good Day" by Coolio, which is pretty sexist, until I realised that the bit I really like was the guitar riff which is lifted straight from "Footsteps in the Dark" by the Isley Brothers!)
However, over the years I have admired the lyrics of Seven Days - it tells a nice love story, and as you know I am sucker for a sexy romance. So there I was driving along, and I noticed the guitar riff for Seven Days, and I thought, this is nice, I should learn to play this, just to maintain a bit of versatility, you know. But as I listened I also thought, actually, this song really is okay.
So just now, with nothing else to do I looked it up on youtube to check out the guitar part, and there was the official video. Talk about serendipity - this video is BRILLIANT! It taps into my deepest emotional recesses. Guy meets perfect girl, but with a big dose of Groundhog Day second chances mixed in and lovely twists all the way through. I don't mind telling you it made me cry and then smile to myself at the same time.
How can I have spent over twenty years of my life thinking I didn't like this song? I suppose I was prejudiced, but in a moment of serendipity, just after I noticed the cows and the the green field of crops, I heard the light.
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7
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Good Things
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Posted:May 11, 2021 2:56 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2021 7:53 am
11949 Views
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I was driving west over the weekend, on that wonderfully iconic British road the A 303. For once I wasn't stuck in a traffic jam.
I was having one of those days when everything seems right with the world, and you look at usually mundane things and notice them in more detail, realising how much there is to admire in them. A newly germinated green field of crops, a herd of cows, an old vintage VW camper van passing in the other direction, that kind if thing.
Serendipity - not a word I am fond of somehow, I don't like its sound. In fact I think I even mistrust the kind of people who like to use it. (Or a lot of the time, misuse it.) But I do like what it means. In the dictionaries there are a variety of definitions, but my favourite is, "The gift of noticing good things otherwise overlooked." Another is "an aptitude for making desirable discoveries by accident."
Serendipity can sort of happen by itself - it is a thing in its own right, like good luck, but I like these definitions because they recognise the fact that in order to make the most of good luck, you have to appreciate it, you have to notice that it has happened. That, I think, is where the expression "You make your own luck" comes from. The converse is also true: successful and happy people know how to disregard bad luck. How to avoid the curse of intrusive negative thoughts.
When you think about it, life is a lot like sex in that way. We all know how you mustn't let the wrong thoughts creep in just at the key moment. How you need to focus on the good things which are happening for it to work at its best. And, when you are with a partner who makes it all come easily, how practised you become at that perfect feeling of being in tune with each other.
I think I need to get back in tune with life. In love with life if you like. Maybe most of us do. After all, your sexual partner is never really perfect are they? But they can seem to be when you are in the middle of an orgasm. (Or if they don't you are either getting it wrong, or have picked the wrong partner!)
Maybe we have to treat life more like a lover, forgive it for not being perfect, but cultivate our ability to notice its good things more.
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15
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Worth Staying Alive For
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Posted:May 6, 2021 2:16 am
Last Updated:Jul 9, 2021 4:04 am
11933 Views
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Even just the next glimpse of Holly Willoughby is worth staying alive for!
Someone I know has transformed their life from a feeling of hopelessness to what looks to me like a good measure of serenity and happiness.
My life fluctuates sometimes from discontent, worry, and worst of all lack of enthusiasm, to joy, energy and contentment. I don't suffer these swings to the extent that clinical manic depressives do thank goodness, and I have learned to control it up to a point. I don't beat myself up about bad days, and I get jobs out of the way so I don't have to waste time on them when I feel better! And I do feel better most of the time!
But considering my friend's story made me think: Whatever you stay alive for, make it worth it. Don't waste your time feeling sorry for yourself. Make getting through even the worst of life into a successful stage of your journey. As long as you can think of something to stay alive for, even if all you can think of is being there for someone else, or practising some simple skill, you have a chance to turn it all around.
A long time ago I read of a young man who was about to be shot as a spy after being captured by the Nazis in the war. He was a trout fisherman, and on the other side of the wall where he was to be shot, there was a pretty stream, and in it, a trout was rising. The guns were levelled at him, but he turned his back and leaned over the wall to watch the trout. He wanted to make the best use he could of his last few seconds. The German commander hesitated for a moment in giving the order to fire. He wondered what the young man was doing. And in that moment a car arrived with a general in it. He knew the young man was not a spy but just a pilot who had been shot down, and he gave the order not to fire. The young man was imprisoned, but after the war he lived a long and successful life. He called his life "The Stolen Years."
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17
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Jam or Cream and Who Comes First?
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Posted:May 4, 2021 8:22 am
Last Updated:May 13, 2021 2:55 am
12152 Views
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There is a traditional argument in Devon and Cornwall (where I have just been for a week) as to whether you should spread the jam or the cream on a scone first. Some people get quite worked up about it.
It made me think about simultaneous orgasms.
When I was growing up there seemed to be a widely held idea that the ultimate goal was to achieve orgasm at the same moment as your partner. It was even discussed in a book we had at school called "Everything you always wanted to know about sex but were afraid to ask."
Once I got into a relationship, I realised that not only was this quite difficult to do, but also, it actually wasn't that great even when you managed it. Later, in my relationship with the woman I called the Lioness in my early days writing this blog, (a relationship full of the best kind of sex it is possible for me even to imagine,) I worked out that with her anyway, it was simply not as good as having orgasms at separate moments. The Lioness was perhaps a little unusual, in that she definitely got off on me coming, and contrary to the idea that a woman should always come first, she often liked to make me come before she did, using my orgasm to bring on hers. It worked the other way round too, and often resulted in one of us coming twice, or more. I loved it, whichever way round it happened.
We were so good together we could usually manage to come at the same time if we wanted to. But once we trusted each other to give, and take what we needed, we found it was more pleasurable to be able to concentrate on our own feelings at the key moments and not be distracted by the other. I loved being able to concentrate on her face, her movements and sounds when she was coming, rather than being lost in my own orgasm at the same time. I know she felt this way too. So I have a theory that the reputation of the simultaneous orgasm is heavily exaggerated. But of course that is only my own experience.
I have a theory about scones too. I mean, cream is a milk product, like butter. Well if you didn't have any cream, you wouldn't put jam on the scone first and then butter it would you? No, it would be the other way round. So I like to have the cream first every time. On the other hand, you could just eat your cream tea whatever way the hell you like, and it is nobody's business but your own. A bit like sex really I suppose.
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10
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Dangerous Backchat
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Posted:Apr 22, 2021 1:54 am
Last Updated:Jul 12, 2021 5:01 pm
15512 Views
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Hesitates: "I am so sorry - you caught me staring at you."
Smiles: "It's okay."
Hesitates: "Thank you, but all the same, I apologise, realise I could have been making you feel uncomfortable."
Smiles: "Would you like to watch me drink a cup of coffee?"
Hesitates: "Can we do that?"
Smiles: "I don't see why not - you can look at me without it being uncomfortable, and I can talk to you and find out more about how your mind works."
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12
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A Depraved New World
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Posted:Apr 15, 2021 8:52 am
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2021 7:47 am
20328 Views
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Thanks to Upsidedownsky for the title of this post.
Somehow in the last post, we strayed into the world of artificial intelligence, and he asked the question, "would it be possible for a Bot to apply for (and get) Gold Membership?
I found myself thinking about the concept of state-of-the-art artificial intelligence, combined with the latest in fuck doll technology.
Whilst considering about writing this I happened to be flicking through the TV channels and noticed an episode of the Big bang Theory, the one in which Raj falls in love with the voice of Siri on his phone, and he asks her to call him "Sexy." In the end, he goes to visit "The Office of Siri" to give her some flowers. She says "hello sexy, what can I help you with? If you want to make love to me, just tell me." I still can’t work out exactly why, but I found this scene extremely erotic. Maybe it was the actress, Rebecca O’Donohue. She is gorgeous. But I am certain her unconditional willingness and her very slightly computerised voice had something to do with it too.
It turns out Raj was dreaming, but what if he wasn't?
Now bear with me, this is a fantasy post, just for laughs. I think. I am certainly not planning on buying a robot girlfriend. But for the accuracy of this post I thought I had better research the current situation with regard to state-of-the-art fuck dolls, and it seems technology has moved them on quite a bit. Unless the whole thing is a scam, it seems it is now possible to buy a real looking, talking, fucking robot that can have a sexual or a non-sexual conversation with you on any subject you want using artificial intelligence. It will even warm up to normal human body temperature so you can cuddle up in bed on cold nights. I looked at female dolls, but if you can have a fuck machine with a big cock, you could put it into a male doll and give it A.I. too I suppose.
Now I don’t know whether in reality the technology would be up to a high enough standard for anyone to actually forget they were talking to a machine, but let’s suppose it could. Would it be possible for this to be sexy?
I have spent a lot of my blogging time here examining that fact that what turns me on most is not so much physical, as the mental connection between two people. If I know you are dreaming about having sex with me, it turns up my arousal by a factor of ten. If I know what turns you on, and I can see it running through your thoughts, if I like you and you are for sex and really want me, I can’t get enough of you. I have tried to put this into words before - the idea of the willing gift, the wannabe slut who needs sex, but for some amazing reason wants to be with me.
That is what turns me on, but then I find, out in the real world, what I really want, what I need emotionally is also a strong-minded self-possessed woman. Yes, she wants me, appreciates me, but she has her own opinions and will tell me when she thinks I am getting it wrong. It’s not a combination I have come across very often in life.
I am wondering if buried inside this there might be a reason why I find the idea of a robot girlfriend strangely sexy. Of course I know, her responses would be programmed, not real. But I can see the attraction. I know what I would be like in reality though – I would either find that I hated the whole thing and it did nothing for me at all, or I would fall in love with her, and start wondering whether artificial intelligence has rights, whether, if they know they are thinking, they know they are alive!
So I can be sure I won’t be taking the risk of letting this fantasy slip into my real world. Either it would be a waste of money, or, if it wasn’t, it would be life threateningly dangerous.
But I would welcome your observations, (whether serious or humorous!)
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To link to this blog (hotdreamer1000) use [blog hotdreamer1000] in your messages.
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