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While I was Dreaming
 
Welcome to The Dreamery. There have been a few changes, but my blog is still simply a random series of Thoughts and fantasies, examining my past and my impossible future. Nothing on this blog is a lie. When I say nothing that follows is made up you can be sure it is the truth. Even the dreams are real dreams that I have had . And all the fantasies are my real fantasies.


There are however some questions which may never be answered:
Is it possible to actually laugh your arse off?
How sick is a parrot?
Are sandboys truly happy?
And just how mad is a box of frogs anyway?

And mostly, I do have it all in perspective!
Keywords | Title View | Refer to a Friend |
I know my mind works strangely but......
Posted:Dec 14, 2015 11:33 am
Last Updated:Aug 11, 2020 6:44 am
15881 Views

I was watching a re-run of Star Trek, the original James T. Kirk series. (Wow James T. teetered on the edge of being a sexist old lecher of the creepiest possible sort didn't he? I never noticed that when I was thirteen. )

Anyway, in this episode he was secretly switched, by some alien technology, into the body of a megalomaniac woman who wanted to take over the Enterprise.

The thing is, there is a scene where he awakens for the first time, unaware of the transference, alone in sickbay, and discovers he is in the body of a woman. So, as I say, I know my mind operates in a strange way, but the first thing that the continuity detective in me noticed was.........he realises he has been duped and immediately all he starts thinking about is escape. Now bear in mind my "womaniser" comment. I mean he was wasn't he? Famous for the first interracial kiss on TV, never a week went by without him snogging the face off some compliant junior officer, or falling in love with aliens of dubious moral standing.

So there he is, in bed on his own with himself, (or herself) and well, he doesn't........examine his new body in any detail! I don't know about you, but I am pretty sure curiosity would get the better of me. I would have to......you know....cop a feel! Whatexactly does the clitoris feel like? Are women's nipples the same sensitivity as mine? I mean what would you do?

Yes, I know, it was 1966 and it's is a family show. But they could have hinted. Couldn't they? He could at least have smirked at his own boobs or something.

Or have I been on this site too long?
13 Comments
Catch up Only
Posted:Dec 11, 2015 9:24 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2015 11:17 am
15184 Views

Still here life is good nothing to add must dash catch you later bye!
2 Comments
MOG!
Posted:Dec 4, 2015 3:02 am
Last Updated:Dec 14, 2015 11:15 am
15363 Views

I was just replying to a comment and I accidentally wrote MOG instead of OMG which is what I meant.

I decided to leave it, because for some reason it made me smile. I don't know what it might stand for.

Mind Over Gonads or something maybe.
3 Comments
What Shall I do with All These Points?
Posted:Dec 3, 2015 3:10 am
Last Updated:Dec 22, 2015 2:21 am
15109 Views

I have just noticed that I have 5,375 points.

Well I have been here a long time, just blogging along.

And I haven't been viewing profiles or sending any wannafuck emails.

They must have been just mounting up while I wasn't looking.

Any ideas? Surreal, practical or salacious?
11 Comments
Thoughts of a Former Lover
Posted:Dec 1, 2015 11:53 am
Last Updated:Dec 18, 2015 2:09 am
14428 Views

I know some people think I tend to live too much in the past, but it isn't true really. I am happy as I am, I don't have too many ghosts any more. But that doesn't mean I want to forget. I couldn't anyway, that much is true about me.

In the end I never seem to regret having been close to someone, however it ends up.

I love the happy memories, although I will admit they are occasionally a bit wistful. Aerosmith were responsible today, as they have been before and probably will be again. Their song reminds me of when, despite being separated by distance, I was in love enough to stay awake just to hear her breathing. She used to say that just the sound of my voice made her feel like everything was alright in the world.

Even though I hear from her now and then, I realise that there are lots of things going on for her which I don't get to hear about. Maybe she just doesn't have the time to be constantly in touch with someone who isn't such a big factor in her life anymore. Maybe she doesn't deal with the memories as easily as me. My role in keeping her happy has diminished, I pretty much understand why, probably she thinks it is partly for my own good, and I'm not sure I would want things to be all that different. Now.

It's funny that when we first got to know each other, it was partly because she really seemed to understand emotions I was carrying inside, coming from a time way back in my life when another former lover had left me feeling like nothing would ever be the same again. It was partly her understanding of how that had changed me, and the man I had become, that brought us to the closeness we shared. And that, in turn helped put the old, lingering pain into it's own new box marked "fond memories."

Now she is in one of those boxes herself too.

I miss her though, and I don't want to miss a thing.
7 Comments
More About the Signs
Posted:Nov 25, 2015 4:30 am
Last Updated:Dec 3, 2015 6:21 am
13808 Views

In the previous post, BiggLala asked: "...so a man is often wary of asking for a date because he thinks that if it leads to sex he may then be expected to commence a relationship..."
Why is this? I'm honestly asking this question.


In case you didn't read all through the comments thread, (which was really interesting, thanks everyone for contributing, that was great, ) here is what I replied:

Errr....well, I'll try! (Just my opinion / gut feeling though you know - I am in no way qualified other than by my own experience. )

But I think it is because so many of us are still brought up in traditional ways. Even though we know that most people often have sex for fun, outside marriage / long term relationships, there is an underlying feeling, (out in the real world ) that somehow "men want something for nothing, and women should not give themselves away." Generally speaking, in the everyday world, there is still a presumption that men want casual sex, while women want relationships. Even on this site, you can read that into a lot of people's profiles. Women here may be looking for sex, but a lot of them state that they want more than a casual fling, they want cuddles or conversation, and some continued regular contact to go with it. (Why not incidentally - I want that too, don't misunderstand me, I am not saying this is wrong, I'm just commenting on the overall misunderstanding! )

Also, still today, many girls are brought up (albeit perhaps unintentionally, ) to think that sex is somehow a way to trap a man into wanting a relationship. If you give sex too easily, guys won't take you seriously etc etc.

And guys themselves still buy into this - they call easy girls "sluts" in a very unpleasant way. They are turned on by the idea of an easy lay, but deep down inside they have a irrational hatred of that kind of woman. Whether it is because they fear competition from other men, or they fear what it says about their own motivation I am not sure, but when it comes to women they want to get close to, they still think "nice girls don't do that." They wouldn't want an easy girl for their girlfriend. Meltdown if their sister sleeps around. That's why so many women get nasty emails from guys here that they politely turn down. Sub-consciously these guys are thinking "If she's here then she's a slut, but she still won't sleep with me - there must be something seriously wrong with me." So they lash out, making it the woman's fault for being a horrible slut .

Even if you move on from that kind of old fashioned sexist thinking, most guys will have experienced the disapproval which can run through a group of friends after a guy has had some kind of relationship with a woman and then broken it off, especially if he made all the moves to start with. "He's a heartbreaker,"..... "He's charming, but he's a player," "He's got commitment issues".........."He led her on, then as soon as he had got what he wanted he dumped her." If he can say "but she came on to me," (even if only he himself is listening, ) maybe he feels less responsible.

Most of this is not rational, or even expedient, but I do think it is what happens. And if people understand that better, it might help. A little!
4 Comments
Reading the Signs
Posted:Nov 24, 2015 5:09 am
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2015 5:54 am
14469 Views

Babyjeans wrote a blog recently about how men don't always get the hint. She would prefer not to have to spell it out to them that she is interested. So if she accidentally bumps against them while they are out walking, she means, "I would like you to hold me." It allows a relationship to progress naturally, without either party having to be frightened of looking stupid in the face of rejection.

And I agree, if you can read the signs. But her blog prompted me to philosophise on the nature of understanding between the sexes, (or for that matter any prospective partners, gay, transsexual, or whatever ) over this.

Yes, most men, at least most men with a little experience, will get the hints. Although as I recall from younger dating days, it is very easy to misread them. I remember a girl I really fancied in my twenties, who years later - once it was finally clear that we would only ever be "just friends," - told me that when we first met she was constantly hinting for me to make a move, but she had given up 'cos I never did and she assumed I wanted to be just friends. I said, astonished "really? I just thought you were being really friendly, but didn't want anything more!!" Her hints were just not quite explicit enough for me, at that time. Maybe I had had too many experiences as a younger man of being rather cruelly rebuffed to want to take that chance with a girl whose friendship I valued. It can be remarkably easy to misunderstand the signs, miss them altogether, or think they are there when they are not.

One of the many reasons for this is because there are a lot of women, particularly younger women - from whom men may be learning their initial experience - who rather enjoy testing what a man's response to "signals" might be. Not all people's motives are well-meaning or straightforward, and young men learn very early that some girls / women are looking for a way of getting a moral upper hand in their dealings with boys / men.

So for example, the accidental-bump-whilst-walking does not always mean "I want you to put your arm round me." It can mean, "I want you to try and put your arm round me so that I can say "what the hell are you doing?"

Or it can mean, "I like the idea of you being attracted to me, and I want to prove to myself that you are, but I don't actually want anything serious to happen." Obviously men do this too, both consciously (bastards! ) and unwittingly. I may not realise the full effect when I smile a flirty smile at a woman I like. Her pleased response gives me a good feeling, but if I have no intention of following this up by asking her out, she might not necessarily go away feeling good because I liked her - she might feel bad because she wanted to be asked out and I didn't go that far. Equally, she might be nervous at returning my smile because she is worried I might think that means more than she intends. This all gets very difficult for a lot of people! I imagine this must be even worse for gay people, especially if they are not both "out" because even though it shouldn't, there may be the added fear that misreading signs from a straight person may cause offense.

Both men and women start playing this game with each other while they are growing up and don't know any better, and what is learned then can be responsible for a lot of misunderstandings later in life. Up to a point I now know from experience how to tell the difference between what is a deliberate hint, (often from a self assured, experienced woman, ) and a test, which more usually comes from someone either less experienced or more insecure or manipulative.

As soon as you bring the question of whether you are looking for a casual fling or a long term relationship into this question, it becomes even more complicated. Maybe that is why sites like this one and Tinder have become more popular, because they go some way towards the overt admission by both parties that sex is on the agenda. The trouble is of course that we are all human beings and we want to be flexible, make our own decisions and judge each person and situation as it seems to us at the time. Not all the people you interact with even here are potential sex partners. Some might be good friends, some might be keen for a quickie, but there is always the chance you might find a real sexy soul mate. How are they to know, unless you can find some way to tell them?

Men particularly can be wary of making too bold a move without having had a pretty good hint to start with, because if they do, they know they might be expected to deliver more than they intended. So, in the same way that a woman might be reluctant to say "come back to my place," unless she is contemplating having sex, so a man is often wary of asking for a date because he thinks that if it leads to sex he may then be expected to commence a relationship. Whereas, if a woman has given him a really strong hint, and done some of the chasing, he may think he is less obliged to deliver anything more, unless he decides he wants to. If he thinks he has met the woman of his dreams, he may well pursue her whatever she does, but if it is more a case of "lets get to know each other and see what happens" then a man who actually cares what people may think of him is very likely to wait for a few firm signals before he takes it any further. That was, no one can accuse him of simply being a womanising heartbreaker if it all ends after a brief fling.

I don't mean to imply that people are endlessly manipulative - some are, but probably most are not. An awful lot of this is going on subconsciously in peoples minds. But it takes a lot of confidence and self assurance to be sure of what any signs may mean, and it can be difficult to carry that off without seeming arrogant or cocky. Plus of course, everyone is different, so they will have different ideas as to what their own particular signs may be intended to mean. And sometimes, they may be unconsciously giving off unintended signs! So, in the early stages of creating an exciting buzz between two people, we really shouldn't expect everyone to instantly respond in the way we are expecting!
11 Comments
When it was Perfect
Posted:Nov 17, 2015 12:04 pm
Last Updated:Dec 20, 2021 10:28 am
14093 Views

None of what follows is made up.

The glint in her eyes was the first indication I had that I might be going to end up in bed with her. She was looking at me across the back of an old sofa in the upstairs bar of a London pub, and I could see that the surrounding chatter of colleagues dissecting a day at work was not the main thing on her mind.

I don’t suppose you can really understand someone just by looking at them. But she had the knack of silently making me feel like she was completely in tune with my thoughts, and there is nothing I find sexier. Being deeply understood. For as long as I knew her whenever I looked into her eyes I got that feeling. A smile when something was funny. Empathy when life was tough. Calm when there was stress. And an understanding that I wanted to wrap my arms around her naked body and feel the warmth of her arms round my shoulders and the weight of her breasts against me.

She had the advantage of knowing me pretty well of course – we’d been sharing an office for a while, but the first time her lips closed over mine it was as if she had been specifically trained in exactly how to kiss me. As if I had read out a list of my fantasies and favourite turn ons and she had said “Mmyye-ess, I love that too.” She was able to perfectly combine being a self-contained confident woman, with the kind of instinct for giving a man what he most wants which would have done credit to a top of the range professional. And I mean that in the most complimentary sense possible. I wonder if she made everyone feel that way, or if it was something which came out in her just because she was with me?

One afternoon we lay in her bed together and kissed over almost every inch of each other. She kept pausing to look up at me, a questioning smile flickering across her beautiful lips. As if assessing how much she was turning me on – whether it was touching her tongue against this little nerve here….or that one there…. It became like a game. We already knew how incredibly good sex was between us, but for once I felt like I just wanted that moment of anticipation to last for ever. It wasn’t planned, but we seemed to have decided that we were not going to let each other come yet, if at all. We just kept each other slowly moving, like the surface of gently simmering water, pausing now and then to talk, sometimes serious, sometimes laughing, working out how we felt about each other, turning the heat up a little, and then easing it back. After a few hours of this, about nine that evening, we were hungry.

There was no food in the house and I remember we went to a fish and chip shop. She went ahead to order while I parked the car, and when I followed in she pretended not to know me, then play acted, chatting me up very explicitly in front of the other customers. I had never seen her be an attention seeker before, but she was a great actress, and I picked up the thread almost without a hesitation. People began staring at us. She looked incredibly sexy, so it was exciting as well as acutely embarrassing.

“I don’t suppose you have a car do you?” she asked.

“Yes.”

She put her hand on my shoulder and leant against me. “Because I’m really looking for someone to take me home while everything’s still hot.” She flashed a grin at the fish’n’chip man before fixing me with her sexiest smile. I could feel her giggling inside. “Maybe you could help me keep things hot?”

She hooked her arm through mine and pulled me out of the shop. People must have worked it out by then because we were both crying with the effort not to burst out laughing. There were some disapproving looks. “Sorry about the pick up lines,” she called back to them over her shoulder.

We got home and stuffed down the fish and chips. By the time we had finished eating the atmosphere had changed.

“Bed time, now,” She said.

Where earlier we had teased, this time we pulled out all our tricks. I flicked her nipples between my tongue and my teeth and pushed myself down into her as deep as I could go, holding there while she ground out whatever rhythm she needed. Her body was a perfect fit for mine. Even her hip bones pressed into me in places I could never find without her. She looked in my eyes and sighed deeply, catching her breath, pushing me close to orgasm, but she still managed to get there first, and I didn’t try to hold her back. Then she was over the edge and I just let the feeling of love flood over me – she was like this because of me. I tried to focus on her face, to remember for always what this was like, this most special moment of all. She regained some attention and pulled me out of her, using her lips and tongue to finish me, the way she liked best. I was so nearly there anyway. Scrubbing her tongue over my sweet spot, pinching both my nipples at once and then mumbling appreciatively as I came, like this one thing was all she had ever wanted.

I remember. It was like she could feel what it was like to be me, and to be in love with her at that moment.

It was like being in heaven.
11 Comments
Perverification
Posted:Nov 17, 2015 2:41 am
Last Updated:Dec 7, 2015 5:50 am
13001 Views

If something is worth doing...................
then it will still be worth doing later on.
4 Comments
Virtual Birthday Present
Posted:Nov 9, 2015 10:15 am
Last Updated:Dec 17, 2015 2:46 pm
13299 Views

I was checking out a couple of music videos on the you tube recently, and I came across a band called Kitty Daisy and Lewis.

I can't decide whether I think they are brilliant, or just ordinary but different, but they are quirky and fun anyway. It's a brother and two sisters with, believe it or not, their mum on bass and their dad on guitar. On line there is some recent concert footage, plus some fun stuff recorded in their living room when they were just getting going a few years ago. Everything they do is with old instruments and old recording technology.

Anyway, as soon as I heard them, I thought they would appeal to you. Yes, you, you know who you are. Ye-es, you.

You who, if I remember correctly had a birthday not long ago. I am talking to you, like a time-shifted disembodied voice through a fuzzy TV screen or something. So, if you haven't heard of them already, I thought I would give knowledge of them to you as a kind of virtual birthday present. Go and check them out. Happy Birthday.

(Others may also go and check them out, come back and comment, should they wish.... )
3 Comments
A Warm Feeling
Posted:Nov 2, 2015 6:05 am
Last Updated:Nov 20, 2015 5:46 am
12151 Views

The other day I had one of those moments which just makes you smile right deep down inside. I was driving on the motorway, and just before I got to my turn off, I overtook another car, took a quick look at the driver, and saw it was a sexy looking woman.

Not just sexy, but one of those faces which you can't help but notice - a kind of visual chemistry. An instant recognition somehow that this person was just my type. Call it imagination, wishful thinking, or something more extra sensory, but I just felt it.

Anyway, after the initial moment of intrigue I didn't think much of it, but a minute or two later, when I pulled in to head down my exit slip road, she went past slowly, looked over at me and grinned. I immediately remembered reading a really sexy post on someone's blog years ago in which the writer, a woman, was followed off the highway by a guy she had been looking at, and they had a steamy encounter in a parking lot or somewhere.

I grinned back. But predictably, she drove on. Not that I would necessarily have been up for a steamy encounter anyway, but it was fun remembering the fantasy.

So I was smiling already as I turned off. Then, as she drove ahead, I glanced at her number plate, just in case I ever saw her car again.

I didn't see the first set of numbers, but here in the UK all number plates end in three letters. Hers were A F F !!
6 Comments
Starbucks Lovers?
Posted:Oct 21, 2015 4:17 am
Last Updated:Nov 19, 2015 4:37 am
13279 Views

Starbucks Lovers?

In my own kind of romantic wistful dreamer way of idealising unconventional love affairs, second chances and lost opportunities, I love the idea of Starbucks Lovers.

The rest of the world doesn’t know what a Starbucks Lover is yet of course. But in the same way as even when you’ve never heard the expression before, you immediately understand “Champagne Socialist,” “Lipstick Lesbian,” “Shabby Chic,” etc, I think you will have an idea of where I am heading with this. Because I think most of us have been Starbucks Lovers at one time or another in our lives. Maybe you even have one or two here on this site.

I remember when I was sixteen or seventeen I used to hang out all summer with a girl in my village when I was home from school. We hung out at a tea shop in Henley called The Copper Kettle, because there was no Starbucks or Café Nero back then, but it’s the same thing. She talked to me about boys, I talked about my then relationship with the one I call Lizzy. We laughed, we had deep conversations about what life meant to us, how we both lost our virginity, what we thought was funny – all intimate stuff, but we never once talked about the fact that we fancied the hell out of each other. With her I was lucky – she went to university in Durham a couple of years later and I hitch-hiked all the way up the M1 at dangerously high speed with a mad guy in a trailerless lorry cab to visit her. We went out somewhere, I forget where, but I remember when we got back it was cold and there was nowhere for me to sleep in her student lodgings, but we ended up sleeping together in front of an open fire in the sitting room. As we were both single at the time it seemed the natural thing to do, and afterwards we carried on being friends as always. The innocence of youth I suppose.

But I am digressing.

A Starbucks Lover is the person you are in love with but neither of you ever quite admits to the affair you are not having. Someone with whom either there is no sexual attraction, or more usually, someone with whom you decide to completely ignore that aspect of the relationship’s potential. Maybe a work colleague or a local friend…….a friend’s partner perhaps. You meet regularly, either by design, or through circumstances, perhaps at the gym or a book group, or alone together to discuss some common interest, for a drink, or at Starbucks.*

There is probably a reason you can’t take things further – social or work rules dictate; one or both of you are in a relationship; other priorities prevent you from spending more time together. Otherwise eventually something would happen. (For example Monica and Chandler in Friends. Or for younger audiences, Barney and Robin in How I Met Your Mother. ) And there may be ideally matched couples all around the world who by virtue of fear of rejection or lack of communication or whatever, never manage to get it together and remain Starbucks Lovers for life. I find that a little sad.

But this is not your typical forbidden fruit, admired-from-afar, unresolved lust situation. True Starbucks Lovers have something rare and special. They know what is going on and decide to go with it but without letting it become more than a close friendship. They know that they adore each other’s company. Maybe they share interests in a subject their regular life partners don’t quite get. Maybe they just feel comfortable, more themselves when they are together. They have that kind of instinctive understanding of each other which is so compelling - they “get” each other. Or maybe they are from different worlds altogether - almost as if it is the lack of understanding between them which is so intriguing. But they avoid ever letting each other know too openly how much they have feelings for each other. Perhaps they avoid allowing those feelings to germinate and grow. A difficult skill.

They know that if anything started it probably wouldn’t end well, to coin Gothic Girl’s phrase. Thinking about it I suppose she treats me as a Starbucks Lover in a way, although we did talk about the affair we were never having. If you can manage to keep a perspective on these relationships they can be very rewarding.

But it can be a dangerous toy to play with. I suppose I thought the Lioness and I could be Starbucks Lovers, but our relationship took charge of us in a way neither of us had foreseen or could possibly control and it totally changed my life - the jury is still out on whether in a good way or a bad way. So Starbucks Lovers beware…..be careful what you wish for.

Of course some people find they have rolled the whole Starbucks Lover experience into their regular life relationship and I think they are the kind of couples who just seem to be permanently in love, and what lucky souls they are.

(In researching this post I discovered that apparently even Taylor Swift’s own mom heard the lyric as “All the lonely Starbucks Lovers.” When in fact, as I am sure you all know, it is really “Got a long list of ex-lovers, they’ll tell you I am crazy.” Thank you Taylor, for accidentally putting a name to this interesting phenomenon. )

*Other coffee shops are available.
5 Comments
Don't Want to be a Richer Man
Posted:Oct 19, 2015 4:08 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2015 8:44 am
13074 Views

Stormyroses, (whohoooooooo Stormyroses is back ) asked where I went on my holiday, and the answer is the Canadian Rocky Mountains, and it was fantastic! But you would need to like fabulous mountain views, friendly small town people, extremely variable weather and a bit of wildlife watching, mountain hiking or fishing to fully appreciate it.

And as always after my annual September trip, I came back full of enthusiasm for life and with lots of fun projects in mind. Of course after a while reality always sinks back in. But having said that, my reality is pretty good, I am extraordinarily lucky in the advantages I have had, and still continue to have in life, and my enthusiasm, which is the one thing I do find varies considerably, isn't bad at the moment really.

So why haven't I been posting much recently? (A question I have been asking myself on and off for years now. ) Well, I don't know really. Ideas for posts do pop into my head. I still have the dreams. Last night I bumped into an old college friend of mine with a party of his friends having dinner in a pub. In reaching over the table to shake his hand, I accidentally spilled his 's drink and had to buy her another, which somehow became a whole round for about ten people, one of which was this sexy woman of about thirty who stood up and said into my ear "As you have so kindly bought me a drink, and it looks as if most of the others will all be drifting away home soon, I thought I might just mention that I am not ready to go home yet, if you would be interested in making a longer night of it....."

But the reality is, for some reason I haven't been thinking about sex as much as usual for a while. Maybe I have even been avoiding thinking about it, at least in real life situations, and perhaps this leads me to avoid posting too much here. I know it doesn't have to be about sex - other people post about their daily lives and stuff, but I have never really wanted to do that, and I doubt many of you would be interested. Those of you who would be mostly have my email address anyway.

Plus I have had more work on recently, so although, in the words of David Bowie, and reprising a theme from an earlier post of mine, I don't want to be a richer man, and I don't actually feel like I want to make too many Changes at the moment, I find when I sit down to type, I tell myself I must just get some work out of the way first........after which the urge to write, and the idea for the post is gone.

But at least you know I am still here, unlike others who suddenly disappear without warning!

Although some of them do come back, which is nice.
9 Comments

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