Unexpected Response - And, Am I Missing Something?  

allgud69xxx 49M
70 posts
11/15/2020 12:18 pm
Unexpected Response - And, Am I Missing Something?

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-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
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allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/15/2020 12:22 pm

'Cause I'm already standin' ... ooh, ooh, ooh ... on the ground ...

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
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Naughtypursuit 54F  
2766 posts
11/15/2020 2:27 pm

....Squirrel.....I agree with Granny872.

I am with you on the no need to be in touch every day all day. Honestly I don't know how people do it. Granted I did have a time where I enjoyed it but that quickly faded. I do live with technology as I have no choice, but I have extremely poor texting etiquette apparently as I don't respond all the time.


secret_lade 48F  
9227 posts
11/15/2020 2:47 pm

I have a cell phone, but I'm not a phone person. When I was seeing the hippie, we talked every day on the phone, but he also lived an hour away and we only saw each other every other weekend. I think it just depends on how invested you are in the relationship.


pagancountrygirl 64F  
6466 posts
11/15/2020 4:00 pm

"Can we not remember something we wanted to say for 4 or 5 hours?"
Ummm....no. OK, actually, I can. Post-it notes are great for writing stuff down so I don't forget! lol
I think a lot of the problem is the culture we've fostered of the instant gratification and people have become so immersed in it, they forget that one won't actually die if they don't experience it. It's like a drug and if they don't get that "feel good" response, then what's the point? Just move on to someone/something else that WILL give them that feeling.

Pagan
Hmmmm....I know I left that wand around here somewhere!


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/15/2020 10:49 pm

    Quoting  :

The next glittery thing, indeed. But, chasing the next shiny thing also sorta reflects the difference between “hooking up” and “FWB”? Yes, it may be great that you have something right now, but is it, really? Perhaps I am a little misguided, in that I can view something someone relates to me which they obviously didn’t come up in this second as a sign they were thinking about it at some point throughout the day, even if they didn’t tell me about it at the instant they thought of it. I guess at least some of us have to be not-typical, so that’s OK, right?

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
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allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/15/2020 11:06 pm

    Quoting Naughtypursuit:
    ....Squirrel.....I agree with Granny872.

    I am with you on the no need to be in touch every day all day. Honestly I don't know how people do it. Granted I did have a time where I enjoyed it but that quickly faded. I do live with technology as I have no choice, but I have extremely poor texting etiquette apparently as I don't respond all the time.
“Hey look at that!” Does it mean those of us who can’t quite comprehend the general behaviour are too serious? Too able to focus?

We all have a chat application installed on our computers at work (probably to drop the load on the email servers), but if you’re having a not-terribly-important convo with someone, you can see where the time slips away. Perhaps, as my job function is very technical and requires focus in order to get the details right, that, while they don’t seem all that intrusive, some convos can interrupt the flow.

The personal line that I’ve always anticipated was if I had my own business, I would likely require a cell. But since I don’t have a business, that just hasn’t been a requirement. I’ve met the odd person in the last decade in work situations who doesn’t have a cell, and they always think they are literally the only ones. Aside from the ones who absolutely cannot fathom why i don’t have one, the ones that always make me laugh are people who respond “I only have a cell for work”, which they usually say right after showing pics of their kids and their vacations. LOL

I’m not always great about responding to emails, and things like hangouts messages don’t always get replied to instantly, so I may also be regarded as not having the greatest etiquette. But, you can only go with the time you have, or the inspiration you come up, right? I agree that the appealing of the “fancy new way” of doing something can fade fairly quickly for me, as well. Maybe we’ll be able to be less dependent on, or feel as constrained by, technology in the not-too-distant future. Or, it gets embedded under absolutely everything, and we stop even noticing it. That will definitely be better ... ?

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
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allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/15/2020 11:10 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    I have a cell phone, but I'm not a phone person. When I was seeing the hippie, we talked every day on the phone, but he also lived an hour away and we only saw each other every other weekend. I think it just depends on how invested you are in the relationship.
Yup, it likely depends on what stage of a relationship you’re at. And whether it’ s long convos, or something simpler, and how that fits into your life. Since I’ve had the tablet, I understand more of the culture around modern communication, but I tend to very-much like how the device doesn’t follow me around everywhere. It’s not because I would see a phone as a leash, would it? LOL

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/15/2020 11:25 pm

    Quoting  :

Awkward ... they are all from a few to almost ten years older than me. So, we can’t use the millennial “out”. I don’t think any of them are surgically attached to their devices like the younger generation, but they likely see them as relatively-instant portals, once turned on (well, not that kind of “turned on”).

The process of engaging with the two from this site did begin with IMing, not messaging, and they don’t have blogs. I don’t know if generalizing about communication modes used on here maybe mirrors preferences in the outside world, too. If so, no more IMing for me? (though, they were hot chats) And, as always, generalizations are pretty dangerous ...

That is the hilarious part ... from the dawn of this species until about 15 years ago, we didn’t anywhere the technology we do now. Have we so completely switched, in a relatively short period of time? Oh, don’t get me stated about the ability to come up with, and stick to, a plan, these days ...

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
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author51 59F  
130010 posts
11/15/2020 11:31 pm

    Quoting allgud69xxx:
    The next glittery thing, indeed. But, chasing the next shiny thing also sorta reflects the difference between “hooking up” and “FWB”? Yes, it may be great that you have something right now, but is it, really? Perhaps I am a little misguided, in that I can view something someone relates to me which they obviously didn’t come up in this second as a sign they were thinking about it at some point throughout the day, even if they didn’t tell me about it at the instant they thought of it. I guess at least some of us have to be not-typical, so that’s OK, right?
Like you I have no cell phone nor feel the need to get one. I have still had though plenty of meets and a few relationships from this site without it. Old fashioned communication for me is the way to go and if these people who insist on instantly communicating by texting you daily all the time, do not have the patience for a more old fashioned approach,then I say we dodged a bullet..My dream home is a log cabin in the woods on a lake....lol.Good post..


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/15/2020 11:38 pm

    Quoting pagancountrygirl:
    "Can we not remember something we wanted to say for 4 or 5 hours?"
    Ummm....no. OK, actually, I can. Post-it notes are great for writing stuff down so I don't forget! lol
    I think a lot of the problem is the culture we've fostered of the instant gratification and people have become so immersed in it, they forget that one won't actually die if they don't experience it. It's like a drug and if they don't get that "feel good" response, then what's the point? Just move on to someone/something else that WILL give them that feeling.
You don’t have a “garden” of post-it “flowers” around your monitor, do you? Hey, hey ... nothin’ wrong, if you do. Because I usually keep mental track of the last 15 or 20 operations in the CAD software (in case it crashes and you have to redo the last stuff), as well as keep track if lots of info spread across across many large servers, maybe I’m not a good example, since I can reasonably reconstruct a recently-forgotten thought process from a few bits (sometimes, anyways).

Sounds like you’re describing addition. And, that’s a way I’ve characterized some peoples’ behaviour, to them. I don’t know, the relatively-early stages of some kind of a relationship should be shoe-horned into that frame? Seems a little constricting. But, perhaps for those who tend to apply that type of communication approach to most everything else in their lives, it’s just habit. I used to describe society as being 10-second-attention-span, but I fear we may have “improved” to 5 seconds? Or “better”? That is an “improvement”, right?

You didn’t write Dr. Feelgood for Motley Crüe, did you?

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
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PonyGirl1965 56F  
22090 posts
11/16/2020 1:46 am

People, especially some women, are too darn clingy. Too territorial. And apparently too dumb to pay attention when you tell them you do not have a cell phone. The problems are endless.

I admit I enjoy communication with lovers every few days to daily. The only person I will text more often is my husband. And only if I leave the farm while he is gone. Otherwise he can hear about my day when he gets home. If we text all day we have nothing to talk about in the evening.


TicklePlease 54F  
13851 posts
11/16/2020 5:17 am

I'd hazard a guess that it's more of a "we only talk when it's on HIS schedule" kind of thing. You admit you're slow at getting back to emails and hangouts, and chatting is only when you are free. If an interested woman wants to chat with you but can't because you don't use modern technology (even if it's just to say "I'm busy but I'll text you back when I'm free" ) then she's going to lose interest. Maybe it's different in Canada, but here I find that the only people who don't have a cell phone are people who brag about that fact and look down on those of us who do as being "leashed" or "followed." (or they're on the downlow and are afraid of their spouse tracking them) Technology has changed, the Luddite aversion to that just reminds us of our grandpa.


hippiechick1967 58F  
13154 posts
11/16/2020 6:04 am

Different expectations about communication are always tricky. I prefer to get to know someone via email before I give out my cell number and, even then, would be annoyed if he texted me all day at work. I think if we like someone we have to make more of an effort to communicate in a way that will entice them, not turn them off.

Elevate me...


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/16/2020 12:43 pm

    Quoting author51:
    Like you I have no cell phone nor feel the need to get one. I have still had though plenty of meets and a few relationships from this site without it. Old fashioned communication for me is the way to go and if these people who insist on instantly communicating by texting you daily all the time, do not have the patience for a more old fashioned approach,then I say we dodged a bullet..My dream home is a log cabin in the woods on a lake....lol.Good post..
Perhaps I’m too-OK with a little-bit old-fashioned way of doing things, as well. Maybe I should expressly state it at the top of my description? LOL It was a bit odd the get to the meet point without one, and then things went sideways. Ah well, maybe it means there some more folks out there than I thought who are down with not being caught up in the “modern” way of doing things. Which is hopeful.

Yeah, you wouldn’t have to twist my arm too hard to live in a place like that. Considering how long I’ve been working from home now, do I really need to live in the city? Even if there was something going through the shop which I needed to be around for, a (relatively) few weeks a year in a hotel near the shop wouldn’t be the end of the world. Hmmmm ... now you’ve got me thinking ...

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/16/2020 8:36 pm

    Quoting PonyGirl1965:
    People, especially some women, are too darn clingy. Too territorial. And apparently too dumb to pay attention when you tell them you do not have a cell phone. The problems are endless.

    I admit I enjoy communication with lovers every few days to daily. The only person I will text more often is my husband. And only if I leave the farm while he is gone. Otherwise he can hear about my day when he gets home. If we text all day we have nothing to talk about in the evening.
That is the thing, in a couple of cases, at the first it didn’t seem to be an issue, but then somehow became one. I’m going to leave any assessment of a portion of the female side of the species to you or others.

Maybe there’s something to that. Perhaps a little slower, with something more to say is what makes sense to my mind. Interesting point.

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/16/2020 8:52 pm

    Quoting TicklePlease:
    I'd hazard a guess that it's more of a "we only talk when it's on HIS schedule" kind of thing. You admit you're slow at getting back to emails and hangouts, and chatting is only when you are free. If an interested woman wants to chat with you but can't because you don't use modern technology (even if it's just to say "I'm busy but I'll text you back when I'm free" ) then she's going to lose interest. Maybe it's different in Canada, but here I find that the only people who don't have a cell phone are people who brag about that fact and look down on those of us who do as being "leashed" or "followed." (or they're on the downlow and are afraid of their spouse tracking them) Technology has changed, the Luddite aversion to that just reminds us of our grandpa.
I tend to look at it that, while we enjoy talking not in person is enjoyable, life can easily get in the way. None of us, at least in the spheres of people I interact with, is 20 years old; we all have established lives. A fair number of profiles here and in the more vanilla-dating world express the desire that women (since that I search for) don’t want to change their lives, but add something to it. And even in these specific instances, they are busy women. I often tell people, when we start conversing more, that I have no issue with them not replying immediately; I’m not going to read anything into it, because life’s priorities can change fairly quickly. Even if someone didn’t get back to me for two weeks, I wouldn’t be going down the “why didn’t you reply” route. My first question would be something along the lines of “is everything going alright?” But, perhaps you are correct, that interest is lost if the way I tend to do things doesn’t fit with want they want. Something to ponder ...

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/16/2020 10:02 pm

    Quoting hippiechick1967:
    Different expectations about communication are always tricky. I prefer to get to know someone via email before I give out my cell number and, even then, would be annoyed if he texted me all day at work. I think if we like someone we have to make more of an effort to communicate in a way that will entice them, not turn them off.
Even though the folks on here are certainly more open about the naked-fun side of getting to know new people, finding the match of interests, perspective and intention is still not so simple. The communication element is one part of that, and the balance of what works for both, as part of that.

I prefer to try to be able to converse by email off the site before meeting. Even that level of communicating, without needing to converse by phone, in order to meet, has often been sufficient. Maybe I’m just too interesting, once you get to know me IRL? LOL (yeah, let’s not go with that )

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


allgud69xxx 49M
502 posts
11/21/2020 4:30 pm

Two weeks was just my made-up, exceptional example. In the cases I was referring to, at least where “regular contact” had been established, it was 2 or 3 days, at the most, by either party. And I was clear with them that I did not require same-day replies.

I guess that’s one of the benefits of being a guy - the chances of a woman only getting in occasional contact just in order to get laid isn’t really that likely?(that consideration certainly doesn’t intersect with my life!) Now, unfortunately, for women, the reverse may not be true. Your example probably isn’t that atypical, sadly. But ... drinking A LOT of beer in a day may actually qualify as “work”? Not a terribly useful kind, however ...

As for world leaders, they have large staffs, and virtually all of their waking hours are scheduled ... so, there’s probably an entry in the calendar “20:15:30 to 20:24:27.5 - Call home, says goodnight to kids”, or some such. And don’t go beyond the 20:24:27.5, because the chief of staff will have a conniption (although, only the third one, that specific day ...)

-- allgud69xxx

Yeah ... that's right ... I went there ..
Wanna msg, but can't - my Postbox blog Another way to say hi my Postbox


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