Looks Like I.m Going To Jail... Is Prison Sex... As Good As They Say It Is...๐Ÿค”  

Paulxx001 64M  
9149 posts
8/26/2019 12:11 pm

Last Read:
12/2/2019 8:16 am

Looks Like I.m Going To Jail... Is Prison Sex... As Good As They Say It Is...๐Ÿค”

Looks like I'm going to jail. At least... that's, what the two police women said to me (last Thursday), as they frisked and handcuffed me; then shoved me, into the back of their car.

I'll admit, I kinda enjoyed, their hands on my body. Everyone needs skin-on-skin contact, right? In fact I reminded them ; "Hey... you missed a spot." I didn't enjoy, the hard plastic seats they pushed me onto. I sat there and answered their questions. The 'bad cop' (a cute blond), asked me, if I was having a rotten day, cuz according to her ; "It's gonna get, a heck of a lot... fucking worse." She smiled a mean smile... when she spoke.

This all started, with a missing receipt. I was, as surprised as anyone, by the turn of events and how they unfolded. Who knew, overweight security guards, could run so fast (and be that happy) - to catch a stealer? In any case... I believe, that I was set up. I mean, who consciously steals, two cans of soup? A steak, a lobster... a pork chop... perhaps ; Campbell's best? I think not .

Later on (after being informed of what might happen to me), I got to thinking. Is prison sex, as good (or bad ), as they say it is? Is some sex, better than no sex? I wonder if you can tell the size of a man's dick, by looking at his hands. I'll find out the answers, to all of those questions... soon enough. According to a helpful... lady friend of mine... she suggested that I prepare myself. "Lube up a hair brush... and practise - you'll be fine. It'll expand," she chimed.

She's probably, already made plans to move on. That's what happens, when you - unknowingly - hook up with a criminal. You make decisions. I'm sure some of you, are making yours. For the haters out there... rest assured ; you won't have - Paulxx001 - to kick around for much longer. I'll be a distant memory; a vacant profile. There will be others , to replace me... as someone here recently, pointed out. And for those who care... I do , love cheese cake. Somehow, I'll let you know, where to mail it... once I'm settled in.

I saw somewhere (probably 'Pornhub'), that even the female guards, will peg you. Obviously, I am preparing for the worst. Yet I'm hopeful, I'll get that job, in the prison kitchen. I thought at first, I'd try for the laundry room. But you know what shit , happens there! Ever watch, 'Shawshank Redemption' ? Then... my lady friend, reminded me, that most stabbings, occur in the kitchen or cafeteria.

I'd start, a 'GoFundMe' campagne. But most of those, are designed to help, people with good intentions... not defend, the 'evil' . Oh well...

I walked around the pharmacy today, looking for a hair brush and some lube. Any suggestions ?

.....................................
Note : A F F is deleting words in the t.ext. Please be patient.
...................................
. ..


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 12:12 pm

Yep...
I'll have to photocopy my recipes for ; Bacon Scallops and... Spicy Chicken with Spanish Rice. I'm pretty sure... the 'gang members' I'll meet.... will appreciate those gems! ๐Ÿค”


author51 59F  
128960 posts
8/26/2019 12:21 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Yep...
    I'll have to photocopy my recipes for ; Bacon Scallops and... Spicy Chicken with Spanish Rice. I'm pretty sure... the 'gang members' I'll meet.... will appreciate those gems! ๐Ÿค”
Book 'Em Dano.... Would you not get your day in court first? I do know that one can get copies of the receipts out of the printers for the credit and debits along with customers that paid cash for the items, even if you the customer lost the original...

You can never have enough JOY in your life..xoxo

PUBLIC OR PRIVATE SETTINGS ON AFF
WICKED WEDNESDAY YOUR MUSE


superbjversion2 66F
24131 posts
8/26/2019 12:45 pm

I'm a very good baker โ€ฆ I'll start looking for my recipe for Lock-pick Lemon cake right away. Let me know where to send it.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


lust4life59 63F
2504 posts
8/26/2019 12:55 pm

Forget Shawshank Redemption, that's a tea party. Watch the old HBO series Oz about life in prison..........heeheehee


1seeking1 56F
3767 posts
8/26/2019 1:19 pm

Sounds like you had quite the adventure, most
Stores can reprint receipts.


Livin_my_Life14 51F

8/26/2019 1:25 pm

sounds like you had an exciting weekend!!

Did I ever tell you I wanted to be an FBI agent! I got some handcuffs!


Tmptrzz 59F  
106151 posts
8/26/2019 1:40 pm

Interesting who knew you could go to jail over a missing receipt Especially over these items ,two cans of soup? A steak, a lobster... a pork chop... I have never heard of such a thing. But stranger things happen I guess. Sounds like you enjoyed getting frisked there. I hope all works out for you, and your day gets much better..

Seduce the mind and see what a wonderful adventure the body will take you on..


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:44 pm

    Quoting author51:
    Book 'Em Dano.... Would you not get your day in court first? I do know that one can get copies of the receipts out of the printers for the credit and debits along with customers that paid cash for the items, even if you the customer lost the original...
Yep... Court day on the way...
I don't expect jail... but ya never know? ๐Ÿค”
I start up a blogging class for the inmates... I'll be a good inmate. ๐Ÿ˜Š
Not sure about anal sex... Ever try it? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:46 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    I'm a very good baker โ€ฆ I'll start looking for my recipe for Lock-pick Lemon cake right away. Let me know where to send it.
You're a good baker? ๐Ÿค” hmmm... ๐Ÿ˜Š
Cooking doesn't require precision... so I never ventured outside my comfort zone... I love lemon cake ๐ŸŽ‚...
Can you bake Boston Cheese Cake? ๐Ÿ˜


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:48 pm

    Quoting lust4life59:
    Forget Shawshank Redemption, that's a tea party. Watch the old HBO series Oz about life in prison..........heeheehee
Ok... what's with the evil laugh? ๐Ÿค”
I'm gonna go and check it out.
Something I should know? ๐Ÿ˜”


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:49 pm

    Quoting  :

Ok.. That's funny... and scary! ๐Ÿ˜ฑ
Any tips? ๐Ÿค”
Drop by any time... ๐Ÿ‘


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:52 pm

    Quoting 1seeking1:
    Sounds like you had quite the adventure, most
    Stores can reprint receipts.
True... They can...
That security guard had it in for me... ๐Ÿ˜Š
I'm innocent...
Isn't that what they ALL say? ๐Ÿค”
Omg.... I'll remember you fondly... and our time together....
Wait a minute...... we haven't had any time together? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:53 pm

    Quoting Livin_my_Life14:
    sounds like you had an exciting weekend!!

    Did I ever tell you I wanted to be an FBI agent! I got some handcuffs!
Really? Oooooo... I love handcuffs! ๐Ÿ‘
Have you ever used them? ๐Ÿค” ๐Ÿ”ฅ ๐Ÿ’ฆ ๐Ÿ˜ฎ


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 1:56 pm

    Quoting Tmptrzz:
    Interesting who knew you could go to jail over a missing receipt Especially over these items ,two cans of soup? A steak, a lobster... a pork chop... I have never heard of such a thing. But stranger things happen I guess. Sounds like you enjoyed getting frisked there. I hope all works out for you, and your day gets much better..
Supposedly... you can go to jail for stealing a pencil.... Which is stupid...
Anyway... I doubt.. things will get that far.
Just in case.... I'd love a batch of your BBQ chicken... ๐Ÿ˜Š ๐Ÿ‘
They'll let me have those, right? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ


sexual692012 67M
127 posts
8/26/2019 2:33 pm

Caution ! They will not be using hairbrush


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 3:42 pm

    Quoting sexual692012:
    Caution ! They will not be using hairbrush
Hmmm... yep... I thought about that.
Thanks for the heads up. ๐Ÿ˜Š
Drop by any time. ๐Ÿ‘


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 3:48 pm

    Quoting  :

Oh yeah... the book cart guy! He does get around and enjoy leisurely walks... chatting it up. And you know me and chatting... ๐Ÿ˜Š
Curling iron? Really? ๐Ÿค” Oooo... I don't know about that. You'd have to show me how. Should I plug it in? ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ
I might be able to talk my way outta this one.
I'm gonna blame it on you!
I was distracted and thinking of her... then I'll show the judge, one of your posts.
Ya think it'll work? ๐Ÿ˜ถ


superbjversion2 66F
24131 posts
8/26/2019 3:50 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    You're a good baker? ๐Ÿค” hmmm... ๐Ÿ˜Š
    Cooking doesn't require precision... so I never ventured outside my comfort zone... I love lemon cake ๐ŸŽ‚...
    Can you bake Boston Cheese Cake? ๐Ÿ˜
All I need is a recipe. Oh! and a springform pan...I don't have one of those any more.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 4:32 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    All I need is a recipe. Oh! and a springform pan...I don't have one of those any more.
Ok... so never mind that.... How's about your specialty?
What do you like to bake?
Your goto... prime time... never fail items! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜Š


pocogato12 69F  
37175 posts
8/26/2019 5:14 pm

I can lend you my secrets for Handcuff Hamburger or smuggle in a key in the lobster souffle. How about Kick-poo-Joy- Juice slushie??with vodka??

(Virtual Symposium Group) use Virtual Symposium Group


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 5:30 pm

    Quoting  :

That's so true... about 'us'... they'll evaluate me, and figure out, I'm as... ahh.. normal or fucked up as anyone.. lol
So.... how do I ride a horse, without getting my balls busted?
That's the only thing that I care about. ๐Ÿ˜Š


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 5:35 pm

    Quoting pocogato12:
    I can lend you my secrets for Handcuff Hamburger or smuggle in a key in the lobster souffle. How about Kick-poo-Joy- Juice slushie??with vodka??
Well... I like secrets...
I presume... those won't work.
Did you say smuggle? Or snuggle? ๐Ÿค”
One of them won't work..
Maybe at this time.... neither will.
That's sad...
it was fun.... Remeber me in a song...


superbjversion2 66F
24131 posts
8/26/2019 6:03 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Ok... so never mind that.... How's about your specialty?
    What do you like to bake?
    Your goto... prime time... never fail items! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜Š
Cookies are my go to item. I like something I don't need a fork to eat. I have cookie recipes that were my great grandmother's. But my best is a basic, chocolate chip cookie. I've been making those for over 50 years. Could probably make them blind folded but I wouldn't want to actually test that theory.

Second choice would be applesauce cake.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


Paulxx001 replies on 8/26/2019 6:22 pm:
oh.... I'm allergic to nuts.... Peanuts are ok though. ๐Ÿ˜Š

Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 6:16 pm

    Quoting superbjversion2:
    Cookies are my go to item. I like something I don't need a fork to eat. I have cookie recipes that were my great grandmother's. But my best is a basic, chocolate chip cookie. I've been making those for over 50 years. Could probably make them blind folded but I wouldn't want to actually test that theory.

    Second choice would be applesauce cake.
I LOVE chocolate chip!
Sure... The homemade ones are to die for.
I can only imagine yours... They're obviously great.
I'll never taste them...
... and that's a bit sad ๐Ÿ˜”
Yep... well.. It's what it is right?
... it's what it is...


mc_justmc 61M  
6926 posts
8/26/2019 6:35 pm

PeggedPaulxx001?


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 7:38 pm

Yep.. That sounds fucked up.
l may be able to talk my way outta that.
It's all good. I heard that one can make great friends in there. Ya know anyone who walked away... a better man?
It's supposed to rehabilitate you. Right? ๐Ÿ˜—


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 7:39 pm

    Quoting  :

lol.. I'm laughing out loud. Good one!
Drop by any time! ๐Ÿ‘


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/26/2019 7:42 pm

    Quoting  :

I'm pretty sure that... won't work.
I'm figuring rehab... and electro shock... In six months or so... I should be normal... like everyone else.
Ya think ? ๐Ÿ˜—
You're normal..... right?


author51 59F  
128960 posts
8/27/2019 12:17 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Yep... Court day on the way...
    I don't expect jail... but ya never know? ๐Ÿค”
    I start up a blogging class for the inmates... I'll be a good inmate. ๐Ÿ˜Š
    Not sure about anal sex... Ever try it? ๐Ÿค”
No wonder you had a bad week my coffee mate.. Why yes I have a few times..It only hurts the first time...lol

You can never have enough JOY in your life..xoxo

PUBLIC OR PRIVATE SETTINGS ON AFF
WICKED WEDNESDAY YOUR MUSE


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/27/2019 12:22 am

    Quoting author51:
    No wonder you had a bad week my coffee mate.. Why yes I have a few times..It only hurts the first time...lol
I'm sure things will work out. Just an annoyance for sure... ๐Ÿ˜Š
Only the first time? omg... I don't know if I should laugh or not... ๐Ÿ˜ฎ


Annie_V 52F

8/27/2019 2:50 am

some days it must be exhausting in your brain
I adore the way you think

An orgasm a day , makes you so much happier at work and play


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/27/2019 6:47 am

    Quoting Annie_V:
    some days it must be exhausting in your brain
    I adore the way you think
Sometimes, I can't sleep at night because I hear voices.
And they're all talking SO loud. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ
Ya ever hear them? ๐Ÿค”
But at least, I'm entertained...


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/27/2019 7:54 am

    Quoting  :

Good point! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜Š


sexyldy1000 61F  
9559 posts
8/27/2019 10:13 am

Donโ€™t drop the soap ๐Ÿงผ in the shower ๐Ÿšฟ. Slippery when wet would take on a whole new meaning.


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/27/2019 12:56 pm

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    Donโ€™t drop the soap ๐Ÿงผ in the shower ๐Ÿšฟ. Slippery when wet would take on a whole new meaning.
Good safety tip. ๐Ÿ‘ Thanks!
Any other's that come to mind...? Feel free to share.... lol ๐Ÿ˜‚


sexyldy1000 61F  
9559 posts
8/27/2019 4:03 pm

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Good safety tip. ๐Ÿ‘ Thanks!
    Any other's that come to mind...? Feel free to share.... lol ๐Ÿ˜‚
Start with the smallest and work your way up...โ€ฆ
[image]


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/27/2019 4:22 pm

    Quoting sexyldy1000:
    Start with the smallest and work your way up...โ€ฆ
    [image]
Ahh... oki doki...
I think I'll pass... ๐Ÿ˜Š


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/28/2019 4:00 pm

    Quoting  :

Eeee.... hmm... So I don't drop my soap, right? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ And bend over to pick it up?
Good thinking! ๐Ÿ‘ ๐Ÿ˜Š
Have you ever tried, the back door? ๐Ÿค”


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
8/28/2019 5:26 pm

    Quoting  :

Hmmm.... I'll google it.
I guess I can flip on a porn site. And see how it's done.
Then again.. I don't really want that type of education.
Thanks for the soap idea. Although, I'm pretty sure, they won't let me walk in with my own stuff.
Hey.. maybe I'll get a book deal... My Life As A Prisoner...
I'll send you a copy....
Well.... we shared a laugh or two...


secret_lade 47F
9004 posts
11/28/2019 3:00 pm

Oh my... that was hilarious. Thankfully the hair brush was not needed.


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
11/28/2019 4:13 pm

    Quoting secret_lade:
    Oh my... that was hilarious. Thankfully the hair brush was not needed.
Thankfully! ๐Ÿ‘
Have you ever... ugh... played in that domain? ๐Ÿค” ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ—๐Ÿฅง๐Ÿฆƒ๐Ÿ€


secret_lade 47F
9004 posts
11/29/2019 2:07 am

    Quoting Paulxx001:
    Thankfully! ๐Ÿ‘
    Have you ever... ugh... played in that domain? ๐Ÿค” ๐ŸŒ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ—๐Ÿฅง๐Ÿฆƒ๐Ÿ€
On myself? I have not... I have allowed my partners to play there, though. I don't open myself up there to just anyone though.... has to be someone I really like.


Paulxx001 64M  
22478 posts
11/29/2019 8:39 am

    Quoting secret_lade:
    On myself? I have not... I have allowed my partners to play there, though. I don't open myself up there to just anyone though.... has to be someone I really like.
"... someone I really like..."
OK point taken. I guess I haven't found anyone I like enough yet. ๐Ÿ˜ถlol ๐Ÿ˜‚


Become a member to create a blog