Fun with a normal white guy...
Sharing experiences in the world of debauchery.
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Posted:Aug 18, 2021 6:44 pm
Last Updated:Aug 29, 2021 1:31 pm

Warning - the following may contain copious amounts of self-pity as well as what may be considered a humble brag.

Five months have passed since I was RIF'd out the door by my previous employer and I'm living the slog. That's what my job search has come to feel like. Plenty of interviews (with properly done makeup, of course) but no offers. Despite being very good at what I do, in some instances, the deck is stacked against me. I've been in the same role as many of the hiring managers I've met, none of these companies are in KC nor do are they seemingly wanting to incur relo costs, and finally, I'm not cheap. Oh, there's also the one I never thought I'd reach the point where I'd encounter it, age discrimination. However, at the risk of it being a train, I feel there's light at the end of the tunnel. I'd interviewed with the largest (by a massive margin) company in my industry and while they made that offer to an internal candidate, management really wants to find a place for me within the organization (their words). I told you I was good at what I did. So, I've already had interviews for a second opportunity and am in the process of scheduling for a third. In the meantime, savings are being eaten.

As a result of this situation, my motivation for doing much of anything has either gone out the window. I haven't shot a match at all this year. Practice and actual matches have been hindered because the weather here in the flatlands has vacillated between a million degrees and monsoons. In fact, a couple of matches were called due to lightning, so not much of a loss that I wasn't there in the first place. As a result, I suck, being neither fast nor accurate. There were two matches over the weekend and the weather was perfect. Because of the most recent monsoon on Thursday, the range would have been a swamp for Saturday's match, but Sunday was glorious. But I just can't be bothered to load up my gear and go shoot like a noob.

What I've come to enjoy more than competing is shooting tiny groups at targets two hundred or more yards away. Because you're completely focused on making each shot count, it's impossible to stress about other aspects of life; sort of like meditation with suppressed gun shots. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to do that for over a month, because the very high end barrel I used to build my precision rifle has suddenly decided it's defective. The manufacturer is replacing the barrel under warranty, but they don't know when they'll have one to ship to me. I should be back in business this week though, because I just ordered a new barrel to put in the gun. I'll sell the replacement when it shows up.

My other enthusiasm has pretty much been confined to the garage. When I quit competing the first time and sold my equipment, I found myself with enough funds to buy a certain German sportscar I'd coveted since my college days. Not a new one, but an older driver quality car. Nine years ago, I traded it for a slightly newer model. This was just before collector car prices went bananas. A rising tide lifts all boats, so even mine increased in value by over thirty percent. This pushed it into investment territory, so no more autocrosses or putting a ton of miles on the car. And now, just within the past few months, values have exploded again, adding another thirty plus percent to the car's value. Suddenly, my 'fun weekend car' is worth more money than I took home last year. So, I'm not even driving the thing at all (read enjoying it) right now, for fear of diminishing its value. Yes, I fully realize it's a burden most others would happily take from me, but I just want my fun car.

Woe is me, but the sum total has left me unmotivated about most things and feeling generally dull and uninteresting. Yes, I realize some could argue the latter has been a constant for years.

While I'm whining and crying, I've apparently killed another bakery. This makes no less than four that have gone under within two months after I've decided to regularly patronize them. Store owners laugh when I inform them I'm the baked goods angel of death...none are chuckling now. Anyway, the latest is / was a cupcake place very close to me. Cupcakes aren't my fav, because the cake to frosting ratio is wrong, but they were my only option for decent cake foodstuffs in Kansas. I particularly liked the ones that looked like Hostess chocolate cupcakes. You know the ones with the cream filling and swirls on the top. Since those are no longer available to me, I created my own layer cake version. Doctored chocolate cake, decadent white filling, enrobed with whipped chocolate ganache. Each of those are yummy, but should be amazing together. I'd planned on posting a picture, except that it looks like it was made by someone who should wear a helmet in the house. Combination of whipped ganache being a mofo to work with and my having the cake decorating skills of a wombat (they suck at cake decorating).
That Fucking Washer!
Posted:Jul 22, 2021 4:23 pm
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2021 2:34 pm

I've been without a washer for over three weeks now. As I'm sure you all remember, mine went batshit and decided too much water wasn't enough, flooding my laundry room. Troubleshooting said the water pressure / level sensor was likely bad, so I ordered a new one. Not only did that not fix the issue, my washer started exhibiting new psychotic tendencies.

So, I said fuck it and ordered a whole new motherboard. A national retailer's website said they had it in stock, but a week later, it still hadn't shipped. Long story short, the CSR informed me it was in stock, just not at their warehouse. Okay, thanks Sparky; cancel my order.

So, I tried another online retailer, also showing it in stock. Success! I had a tracking number by the end of the day (this was last Tuesday) and it was expected to arrive in two days. Well, two days became never, because FedEx seems to have lost the shipment. So, I ordered yet another motherboard. This one arrived today. Hooray!!!

Installed that fucker and was ready for some serious laundry group groping. Ran a test cycle to make sure everything was kosher and because I'm writing about it, you know the outcome wasn't positive. This fucker is still overfilling!

I took a dinner break, but am heading back upstairs to curse, throw things, and be generally pissed off.

Update - No way I was letting a fucking appliance beat me. A bit of additional fiddling and it fell into line. It passed a diagnostic cycle and is currently running a light load of real laundry. Now, all I have to do is find out where the fuck the other motherboard I paid for is.
Fucking Filters
Posted:Jul 18, 2021 6:30 pm
Last Updated:Jul 20, 2021 11:57 am

This subject isn't anything new, but I don't recall seeing a proper rant on the topic. Therefore, I'm picking up the mantel and including it in my Old Man Ranting Series

Technology has delivered to us digital camera technology that yields photos with amazing clarity and resolution. Today, even cell phone cameras yield superior quality, particularly compared to high end digital cameras of even a few years ago. With all of this amazing capability, it would follow that dating profile pictures would be crystal clear, but sadly, this isn't the case. Someone created some filter app (maybe there's more than one; how would I know?) that allows the user to soft focus pictures to felony level, making it almost impossible to distinguish someone's features. And a considerable number of women are utilizing this filter to laughable results. Perhaps men are as well, but I don't look at their dating profiles. Seriously, I've seen so many of these that I almost scheduled a doctor's visit to be checked for cataracts. The worst are the ones who dial in eye liner enhancements to max level, making them appear ready for the next best horror film and causing small to cry.

I'm sure most of my readers share my position that these filters have no place on dating sites. Unless you plan on meeting someone after consuming half a bottle of Don Julio, you want their photos to provide an accurate representation of who you're about to meet. Perhaps the only exception to posting such photos would be if someone had their portrait done by Annie Leibovitz and she incorporated some sort of filter. But the most gifted portrait photographer on the planet doesn't use them, so there goes that excuse. Look, none of us become more attractive from our late forties onward; it's a fact of life. And try as you might, those filters don't fix ugly, so if you're using them, save yourself the guaranteed ghosting after (or during) your first date.

Some will never give up their squint inducing fog filters. I recently saw a profile on the Big T where not only were filters used in the manner I've described, but the woman was positively combative about using them. Apparently, potential matches challenged her on the subject and she was asserting her right to post pictures that didn't look like her.

While on the subject of filters, if you're past forty years old, leave the fucking snap chat filters alone. Unless it was a Halloween costume, bunny ears, cat whiskers, etc. don't paint you as playful or fun. It just screams immature. Worse yet, the majority of those you love the bunny ears typically run the picture through the Don Julio blur filter first, completely obscuring any facial detail. A forty something woman that does that screams she's trying to hide ugly.

Embrace who you are and be proud of it, people.
User Interfaces - WTF??
Posted:Jul 17, 2021 8:37 am
Last Updated:Jul 18, 2021 6:20 pm

The second installment of my Old Man Ranting Series

seems be an unwritten rule amongst those create interfaces for software, apps, and other consumer devices. That is once users have become accustomed to finding everything they need, we must change the fucking interface. Until tonight, my ire was mostly kept in , but I two major 'gotta change' landmines within the past 48 hours and I'm pissed. Strangely, the culprit laid both mines.

Yesterday, I decided I wanted use the Amazon music app for the errand run I was about embark on. When my phone hooked up my Bluetooth stereo, the screen changed to what I came to discover was car mode. And , this thing made no sense. I couldn't find the specific music I wanted listen . Was Amazon thinking 'Let's cause people crash their cars by making them have figure out a whole new UI that was created prevent people from crashing their cars.' I'll spare you my tirade about parties deciding for you what you should see. Fortunately, I could disable and did at my first stop.

Then tonight, when I kicked on my Fire TV for entertainment while on the treadmill, I was greeted by a 'we've updated your experience' screen, followed by a two minute video explaining how they'd fucked everything up...I mean moved everything to where I can't find ...oh, , you know what I mean. Getting out of the video was challenging; really wanted you see the masterpiece. Profanity echoed from the walls of my gym! Fortunately, I was able get the content I wanted quickly.

In all fairness, I shouldn't be surprised at Amazon fucking shit up. The hardware they make, or more accurately the hardware they have made put their on, is almost universally shit. The aforementioned Fire TV was the second in that location and 4th or 5th replacement overall. Don't get me started on the new Kindle. The first generation was a simple device; reliable, durable, easy use, and had real buttons. This latest version is a handheld advertisement that's anything but intuitive and utilizes a touch screen and processor that makes've...ever...seen. My decade old Kindle was much faster, had greater functionality, and didn't barrage me with ads. Unfortunately, the battery took the big dirt nap, leaving me no choice but to replace it.

Back to the UI topic. The biggest offender of them all, with respect to moving shit around unnecessarily, is Microsoft. My job requires me to use Office; , Powerpoint, Excel are daily staples. The upgrade associated with Windows was an abomination, with features and functions moved all over the place, and some actually being removed. The learning curve was insane and I'm still not as adept with it as I'd been with the previous versions. Were I hold Bill Gates at knifepoint and force him tell me why he committed such blasphemy, I'm sure he'd whimper something about it being more intuitive. Considering that current users, 'd already gotten used the UI, outnumber new users, might find the new UI easier learn, by about one trillion one, I think most would agree that fucking up the existing UI be fucking moronic.

those have any input in designing this sort of stuff, let me offer some words of advice. Users of consumer devices don't want have figure out your shit more than once. After the initial learning curve, which had better be brief, they want pick up their device and use NOW. If you implement a facelift your UI that requires users watch a two fucking minute video guide, you've failed and are undeserving of your job or life. If your new UI requires any sort of acclimation curve versus the old one, you're a failure. People don't like new and unimproved.
Dirty Laundry Conspiracy
Posted:Jul 16, 2021 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 7:37 pm

I found a real conspiracy! This is the first in a series of shorter entries that can be described as rants. over 50 now, which affords license to rant about anything that I find objectionable.

As I mentioned on July 1st, my washer had shit the bed or at least decided to become psychotic and fill itself until it over flowed. Shortly after I wrote it, the replacement water level sensor arrived. There was much celebrating after I installed it and began a test cycle. However, my good mood was dashed as the washer not continued its obsession with overflowing, but also developed a of other behavioral issues. I'd found a guide online for almost every other model, but the guide for the one I have didn't seem to exist. It was this point I said fuck it and ordered a new control board for the washer. Another $0 flew from my pocket. But least Sears said it was in stock and would arrive or near the end of last week. It didn't; in fact my order still showed as not shipped as of Monday.

So, I called Sears on Monday and was disconnected. With their wait times 30 minutes, I didn't try again until Tuesday. I asked why the part hadn't shipped, when it showed in stock (and still did, along with an 'order now to have by Friday'. I was informed that they didn't have any in their warehouse, to which I responded by saying that was the definition of NOT in stock. They began to reply about stock elsewhere. Oh, so it's in stock somewhere, just not at your facility. I directed the guy to cancel my order and placed another order somewhere else that said they had it in stock (perhaps gullible). But the second place came through and sent me FedEx tracking info within 2 hours of my order. FedEx said my package would be delivered yesterday. Life was good, until it wasn't.

As I write this, the status with FedEx is that the package left Champaign, IL but that's where the trail ends and my scheduled delivery has gone 'pending'. To add insult to injury, now receiving twice daily updates from Sears that my part's backordered. The fuck it is...I cancelled it. Except it appears the little drone I spoke with didn't actually handle that, which means I'll have to protest the charge on my .

Someone not wants to vaccinate with nanodicks that will allow Bill Gates to track , but they're also colluding to keep from having a functioning washer. It's been over two weeks and pissed.
My Own First Scammer
Posted:Jul 15, 2021 12:49 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 11:01 am

If you've read my blog, you know that I'm no stranger to scammers, having dealt with the African ones who stole all of my father's savings. However, today is the first time I've encountered a scammer on a dating site. In all fairness, it's surprising it took this long. I'd sent a note to a woman who seemed interesting; she was neither 27 nor out of my league. In fact, she wasn't as attractive as most of the women I've dated. Her response was that she's out of sorts due to a migraine and $65 short to buy the meds. "Feel like death is so bad."

It's funny, because the tactic is the total opposite from what would work on me, if anything really could motivate me to send some unknown chick money. Even if I were completely clueless about scams, I still wouldn't have sent her money due to her behavior being a complete turnoff.

Regular readers know I can't just ignore a scammer and not fuck with them. I just sent her a note, stringing her along, the intent being to see how much energy I can suck out of her. Perhaps the next will be an offer to share some of my (non-existent) migraine meds if she comes over, ready for a gang bang, once they kick in.

Update: I just received a 'thanks' as a response to my 'gee, I hope you feel better; we can talk when you're back up to speed'. you know how much I lack entertainment being unemployed?
A Bit More Eye Shadow....No, The Pink One
Posted:Jul 2, 2021 1:38 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 10:48 am
As mentioned in my last post, I was headed to Ulta (it was closer than Sephora) in search of guidance and product that would prevent me from looking like a professional, Type A cadaver during my video interviews. My dear readers, it was a life changing experience. The artist who assisted me was the best! and opened my eyes to a whole new me, better. I know spending hundred dollars sounds like an excessive to spend, but I FABULOUS and feel beautiful! In accordance with the new , I prefer to be referred to as Mona, going forward. My after picture is .

Okay, I did go to Ulta and was assisted by a very understanding team member, who knew just how much information I wanted to be regaled with. I think her first indication came with my response to whether I wanted liquid or powder, which was 'beats the hell of ; what's easier?' She hooked up with a powder foundation that matched my skin, but with a bit of color, and a budget level brush. She also explained how to apply the product.

I just got done with a dry run and have confirmed that a man, binary and lacking nuance times. I really did like I'd just completed the first step in becoming Mona. This will take a bit of playing around to achieve my goal without looking like a pale guy, with a shit ton of makeup on his .

What other guy shares this kind of shit and not isn't embarrassed by it, but embraces the fucking weirdness???
The Troll - Ban or Keep? (Update - Ban His Ass)
Posted:Jul 1, 2021 5:33 pm
Last Updated:Jul 8, 2021 10:39 am

Other bloggers will know who I'm talking about, when I refer to incoherent, unbalanced, and belligerent asshat that recently reared his ugly head, while wearing oh so cooool sunglasses.

And it's those other bloggers who I'm asking, do we as a community, ban him like a dress on prom night or keep him around for cheap cannon fodder? Perhaps have a prize at the end of the week for best response to him.

What say you, my esteemed fellow bloggers?

Update - I was reading some of his comments on other blogs and he's spouting full on hate speech.

Shit and Drag Queens
Posted:Jul 1, 2021 5:23 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 10:48 am

It's been quite the week, filled with all sorts of things impacting my dull life. I didn't feel as though any of these topics deserved their own entry, so here's the omnibus update. Buckle up, buttercup.

The job interviewing process has become manic, with what should have been five interviews this past week (I feel like one of the popular girls!). Most companies aren't bothering with phone interviews anymore, preferring to go right to video calls for first and second rounds. I've worn the same dress shirt for at least four interviews, at this point. I'm only wearing it for an hour at a time, so it's not as though it gets dirty or wrinkled. It goes without saying I also wear shorts for these interviews.

I'd be lying if I said I miss in person interviews. For those who've never been on one in another city, it's not much fun. Get up at O Dark Thirty, rush to the airport, pray flights are on time, arrive at destination, rent car, head to interview, try to push the stress and fatigue out of your system and appear vibrant and on the ball for an hour. Rush to catch your return flight, land at midnight. Try to remember what you said on your interview. My favorite one of these was when I flew to Chicago in front of a heavy snow storm. Flights were being cancelled all over the place. I wound up flying into Baltimore, staying the night, then driving to Richmond in the storm.

Next up is something that if it was a dessert, would be called Masochist's Delight.

Changing the furnace filter required a trip down a hallway I never visit and during that exercise, I discovered that my does have some separation anxiety, illustrated by the half dozen piles of what was loose shit. By the time I discovered the little brown piles of joy, they were becoming fossilized and approaching diamond hardness. I'll spare you the details of the required cleanup effort, but it probably goes without saying a good time was not had by all.

My clothes washer decided to demonstrate its ability to sustain water flow and flooded my laundry room. It demonstrated its displeasure with my ceasing that activity by not working since. I'm fairly sure it's the water pressure / level sensor and have a replacement arriving next week. In the meantime, I'm reprising my college student role, by taking laundry to my parents.

The battery on the Caddy SUV I appropriated from my parents has passed into the great lead acid beyond and from what I've read on the internet, there's a fifty fifty chance a trip to the dealer will be required for a memory re-flash. Yet another reason I'll never buy American again.

On the positive side, I quit smoking a week ago and haven't killed anyone (yet). Yes, I'm an intelligent individual and yes, I know it's bad for me, but it was one of the few things that gave me a modicum of pleasure. Ultimately, I had to face the fact that I wasn't thirty anymore and couldn't grab a smoke, then jump into a vigorous workout. It was finally catching up to me and I found myself lacking energy and occasionally becoming winded when I shouldn't have. Since quitting, my workouts have been infinitely more productive and I'm quickly losing the weight I gained during the parental Florida incident. Stress, ice cream, and no place to work out will pack on the pounds.

I'll finish with something scandalous. Tomorrow, I'm going to Sephora and buying makeup for myself. No, I'm not joining a drag queen show, even though I have the time. For the aforementioned video interviews, I've set the stage quite well, I think. I've got the right stuff in the background and an inexpensive set of photo studio lights to help minimize the effects of aging. Unfortunately, I have a very fair complexion and the lights wash me out and make me look like a member of the undead. I'd read that a large number of men were using makeup to optimize their appearance on video conferences and it seems I'll be one of them.

What do you think? Vanity, craziness, or solid marketing?
Staying in KC - The Best Option?
Posted:Jun 22, 2021 8:43 am
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 10:48 am

We'll wait a minute or so for my regular readers to pick themselves up off the ground after reading the title...

As I await what I hope will be a solid job offer to arrive this week, I decided to be proactive and explore living options. I checked out both the shit PA city, where my new office would be located (I grew up there, so I know it's shit) and home (Richmond, VA). Because I would want to relocate to Richmond, regardless, I would only lease a house in PA. Richmond could be a lease or potentially a purchase out of the gate. Long story short, the housing situation is fucked, which I somewhat expected, considering the boom that's going on at the moment.

Because of said boom, I've ruled out buying a home in either location. It would piss me off to spend a bunch of money on a house, only to see it lose 15% of its value, once things even out again. Besides, the only things on the market are overpriced new construction. On the rental side of things, there are literally no options that meet my criteria at any price within 45 minutes of my potential new office, in PA. At 46 minutes out, there's a 5,500+ sq ft house for rent at $3,250. Both are a bit above my threshold. Hell, I'd get lost in that place!

Richmond is slightly better, in terms of rental options, but not great. There are slightly better purchase options, but damn, if those prices haven't jumped since I last went house shopping in the area.

Much as it kills me to say, I think it's in my best interest to stay put in KC, where I've got a reasonable lease, and ride things out. This might make for a difficult conversation with my new employer, but unless they want to offer me an even beefier signing bonus, they can't force me to move somewhere there ain't a place to move into. Don't get me wrong, I'll still hate this flat hell hole, but I'll at least have a solid exit strategy.
Analyzing Statistics - Airplane Crashes
Posted:Jun 21, 2021 7:00 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 10:49 am

While surfing random material today, I came across the following statistic:
80% of airplane crashes occur during either the first eight minutes or the last three minutes of the flight. I would argue that 0% of crashes occur within the last seconds of the flight.
Scientists and Dating Sites
Posted:Jun 16, 2021 4:21 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 10:49 am

Because my life doesn't contain sufficient trauma, I continue the on again, off again, dating thing, although a lesser extent, knowing I'll be moving in the near future. In any case, I've discovered another trend I think is worth reporting on. I've only encountered this one on Pl3nty of F1sh and it's a head scratcher. Over the course of the past few weeks, I've noticed a number of women listing their occupation as cosmologist. For those who may not be clear on what a cosmologist does (I was a bit vague, myself), they're scientists that study the universe; how it formed, how it's changed, and what exists within it. What's odd is none of them have advanced degrees and all have pictures with their faces with impeccable makeup.

Yep, there are a bunch of women cosmetologists who can't even spell what they do for a living.
It's a Fucking Axolotl FFS!
Posted:Jun 11, 2021 2:36 pm
Last Updated:Jun 12, 2021 11:27 am
Lately, I've been writing about some subjects that are a bit controversial. To be clear, I don't expect everyone to agree with me. Everyone's entitled to their opinions, just as entitled to mine. I live for spirited debate and will concede, should someone make a well reasoned counterpoint to my position.

But my last entry, which had to do with statistics on what Americans believe in, got more than its share of 'hate '. Strange, considering I didn't throw in a ton of opinion, instead regurgitating facts and statistics. Despite how much dying to turn the tables and the overly sensitive dump supporters snowflakes, that's not what I want to highlight here.

We've all seen the the 'What do you think?' on the side of each comment, allowing you to agree or disagree. Most every comment critical of our former president had at least one disagree, while those that insulted me had at least one person agree. Believe it or not, that doesn't bother me.

However, what really fucking pisses me off is that someone clicked disagree on my comment 'Axolotl can regrow the same limb up to 5 times'. How the fuck can you disagree with a well documented fact, you moron? It's a cute little thing that hasn't done anything to you. You can disagree with me all you want, but you do.not.fuck.with.the.amphibian.

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