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Smoke Detectors
Posted:Sep 16, 2018 12:46 pm
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2018 4:04 pm

On an unrelated to dating note, I've uncovered another constant of the universe, with respect to smoke detector batteries.

First, when a battery begins to die, should you be awake when it happens, it will chirp constantly until you begin walking around the house, attempting to determine which alarm is making the noise.

Second, when it goes into the death throes of constant, unrelenting chirps, it will always occur between the hours of 2 and 4 a.m.

Seriously, I've got one chirping its fucking head off right now; the whole way through my last entry. Once that entry was posted, I began the process of determining which alarm it was. The chirping stopped until I sat back down to write this. Now it's chirping away.

Kansas Sucks - Part 1 of Many
Posted:Sep 15, 2018 9:03 am
Last Updated:Sep 16, 2018 11:36 am

A few of my previous posts have alluded to the challenges of living in Kansas, but they don't tell the whole story. Having lived on the East Coast all my life, I didn't realize what I'd be getting myself into by moving here. I figured KC was a halfway decent metro area and the US had become so bad could it be? This is the first part in a series I wrote for a blog I post elsewhere, outlining empirical aspects of the total suck that is Kansas.

For those whose first reaction to these posts is 'well, move the fuck back, asshole', it's not that easy. First, the job offer I received to get me to the flat lands was quite attractive. Also, there's the little matter of the section of my contract that requires me to repay the $20k in relo money I was given, should I leave inside of five years. Therefore, any comments challenging me to move back to Richmond should include a separate pm requesting account numbers in order to wire me the $20k I'd have to pay back.

Also, for those who take issue with my bashing the state, those who live here mostly recognize the state sucks as well and bemoan it's shortcomings.

Moving along, let's begin with the DMV.

The DMV is never fun, regardless of where you live. However, this week, Kansas took the experience to a new and painful level for me. In this state, you must traverse a multi-stage process for titling / registering your vehicles, when you move from another state. First, you must present the vehicle and title to the Kansas Highway Patrol for them to validate the VIN's match, then do the DMV purgatory. I took both of my cars for the VIN check, a few weeks ago; each requiring over an hour of waiting and messing about with apathetic civil servants.

Wednesday morning, I set out for the drivers license facility (different than the DMV) and managed to knock that out in about an hour. Not bad for the typical government parade of sloths. What made me chuckle is the temporary DL I received, which looks like a bar receipt; on thermal paper and everything. This thing has to last 30-45 days; imagine trying to keep a receipt from Target that long (in your wallet). Both PA and VA (the two other states in which I've lived) had the capability to create the card on site, so you walked out with a real license.

Bar receipt in hand, I trekked to the DMV to finish the process. After waiting the proper 25 minutes, I was called to window 12, where I presented my completed paperwork. The drone behind the counter told me I must have handed her the wrong title, because the inspection sheet noted a KTM motorcycle. I don't own a motorcycle which meant the damned inspection station screwed up. Back in the car, I trudged to the KHP facility, where I was told to sign in and take a seat. I responded 'I don't plan on being here long enough to need a seat. You need to remedy this mixup and have me on my way.' The woman manning the counter looked at me and, I swear on my grandmother's grave, looked at me in confusion and asked 'remedy?' I glared at her and said 'fix'. 'Oh, okay; wait a minute.' A few minutes later, I made the return trip back to the DMV. I approached another counter, this time, and presented my now correct paperwork.

'Do you have your VA registration?'

'Uh, wasn't on the list of documents I was to provide, based upon your website.'

'Well, I need it to determine timing for your taxes.'

It's obvious I had the registration for the vehicle I was driving, but the reg for my other car was, shocker, in my other car.

Thus, I found myself making another trek, still nowhere near completing my task. After grabbing some lunch, kicking a few kittens, and otherwise releasing my frustrations, I returned to the DMV. This time, I had everything I needed and was able to complete the full transaction. Although, the final act was to pay KS property tax on my cars, which was 20% higher than what I paid in VA. I pretty much said to the drone behind the counter 'you've got to be kidding! You charge more than a real state and still have shit roads and services. How the hell do you charge this much?' Not surprising I received no response on that one.

In any case, I'm now legal in the state of...I can't even say it.
Date From Hell, Kansas Style
Posted:Sep 14, 2018 7:17 pm
Last Updated:Jan 1, 2019 11:41 am

A little story of a date from hell I had this summer (previously posted elsewhere).

Her profile and initial round of notes indicated she was a special needs teacher. She was quite attractive, well educated, and well spoken. I'll fast forward through much of the intervening communication and provide the salient facts. On the topic of sex, she wanted it. I'm fairly skilled at creating images, which resulted in her specifically stating we'd meet for dinner and she'd come over and begin to explore her submissive side. I do love me some exploration. We both seemed to want a genuine relationship and I parroted her desires, in that aspect of our communication.

At this point, I'll mention recognizing a few red flags, including how her successful, and apparently fuck nuts, attorney husband had traded her in on a younger model. But considering she earned two masters degrees, and worked with special needs , she didn't register as an Out of Work Trophy Wife.

The day before our date, she went a bit dark, cutting email down to a single note. I asked her if everything was okay, at which point she told me she thought I was pushing for something more serious than she wanted. I responded that I had no interest in jumping into anything. Her note made it clear she didn't accept what I'd told her. Perhaps I'd have changed her mind if I'd mentioned that there's no way in hell I want to establish anything remotely resembling roots in fucking Kansas. (more on my hatred of the state in another entry)

By the time our date rolled around, I knew there was no way she was coming home with me. She arrived decked out in designer clothing and admittedly, looked quite delicious. Dinner was full of vacuous conversation, where I learned she actually wasn't teaching, or really working at all. She was dabbling and not happy with any of her teaching options. That one wasn't an immediate bell, because I was still determining whether I could get her in the sack. Sorry, I'm a guy after all. Dinner ended, with no conversation about her coming home with me, so I broached the topic. As expected, she declined, sticking to her story of my wanting to move too quickly and how she didn't want to hurt me. I commented that she had clearly made up her mind before coming to dinner, which she denied. I'll come back to that.

I made the mistake of somehow giving her the impression I was interested in why she came to dinner, knowing she wasn't going home with me. Oh shit, was that a mistake.

This woman let me have it with everything she could think of:
Rushing into a relationship,
How she didn't like the phrasing I used in one of my notes
How I didn't apologize properly for something she felt I needed to apologize.

She was put off that I couldn't come up with any sexual fantasies, when she asked (sorry, they're not really fantasies after they've been fulfilled).

Then, she berated me for foisting fantasies onto her (except they weren't fantasies, but dirty things most other women enjoyed).

She took issue with things I'd said that I never said; those had to have come from some other guy.

On and on it went, with no end in sight. I've had women I'd been dating for months tell me off in a shorter amount of time than this woman I'd just met. She'd run through her list of transgressions, then circle back to the beginning, finding some new grievance to add for the next rotation. I've never experienced anything like this!

I did everything I could think of to indicate the conversation was over, to gracefully make an exit. I did this twice, but she wasn't losing any steam! In order to eject from this ride to hell, I wound up doing something I've never done to a woman before. I got up and walked out on her, muttering something to the effect of 'have a nice life'.

What a truly horrible encounter.

On top of it all, she had this lovely sense of entitlement and air of self-importance. I had a difficult time not blurting out, 'listen princess, you're just an educated, unemployed woman, who hasn't accomplished jack. You may want to back your attitude down a bit.'
Transparent and shallow; not the things I look for in a woman.

To add insult to injury, I spent $30 on some fucking grapefruit flavored Absolut that she asked for me to have for her. The money has nothing to do with it, but I don't appreciate of the bitch every time I open the freezer. I sure as hell won't drink it. Anyone want a bottle of nasty vodka?
Even Gorillas Blame The Cat
Posted:Jun 23, 2018 8:08 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2018 7:25 pm

It seems Koko, the gorilla, passed this week at the age of 46.

She apparently had quite the personality, and with the ability to sign over 1000 words, was able to share it with others. Koko had a pet cat, she named All Ball. The best story I've heard about Koko was her ability to scapegoat All Ball, just like a person would.

When no one was around, Koko managed to rip a sink out of the wall in her habitat. When the humans returned, they asked Koko who ripped out the sink.

Koko signed, "The cat did it."

Sad that Koko is with us no more, but she's left her mark for showing a gorilla can often display more humanity than humans.
Safety Is Important - Flotation Devices
Posted:Jun 18, 2018 8:39 pm
Last Updated:Jun 20, 2018 10:32 am

Well, I've reached a point where I'm back to the online dating world and have noticed something new about women in Kansas. Damn, there are a lot of them here with implants! These enhanced blouse bunnies are easy to spot, because chests just don't match the rest of these women's bodies. I'm sure there are plenty of women with implants who seek a more natural look, and you'd never know without a feel test, but these women have chosen the porn star big wahwahs route. No way you could miss those pontoons.

Giving it some thought, this trend shouldn't be much of a surprise; of the first observations I made, viewing dating profiles, was the rather robust trade in cosmetics, here in the KC area.

And while finding time to pen this short 'holy shit, lots of fake sweater meat here' entry, I've also encountered a bunch of women who seemingly wear false eyelashes all the time. As with many of these things, I encountered woman in particular who had fake lashes so large, they prevented her from wearing sunglasses and smeared her windshield, which hened my awareness to them on other women. But even in the most casual photo, there's full makeup and accoutrements.

I'll resist the temptation to venture further into what the dedication to bolt on's and such say about some. It's a woman's body and she's free to do with it as she chooses. Perhaps it's a thing, here in flyover states. People sure as hell don't spend their on travel or other enrichment, so they might as well buy a set of rockin' tamales. Some major league yabos, I tell ya.

And yes, I enjoyed working in as many euphemisms as I could in the short entry; because like most men, I'm twelve and easily amused.
1 comment
Welcome To Kansas!
Posted:Jun 9, 2018 8:48 pm
Last Updated:Jun 10, 2018 6:35 am
I've alluded to the difficulty I've been having meeting a good fit, here in Kansas. There are a few key reasons, which I really do promise I'll get to. Until then, I'll just leave this here...
FWB And The Foundations Of Language
Posted:Jun 3, 2018 4:49 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2018 8:13 am

I hate Kansas and regret moving here (more on that in posts to come), but I remain single (another topic I'll cover). Because I plan on getting the fuck out of here as soon as it's feasible, I don't have much of a desire to meet 'someone special' and put down roots. However, there are certain needs that remain unfilled, obviously, so I've been on the hunt for something more casual.

Early last week, I found a woman on another site who said she was looking for a friend with benefits. Perfect, I thought, and sent her a note. What followed was an exchange that continues to befuddle and frustrate me, a little. I'll spare you the blow by blow, but when I began moving the conversation into naughtier waters, she made it clear we'd have to develop a connection before we jumped into the sack. That she loved her last FWB and wanted the same thing in a new one.

I sort of scratched my head and responded that the absence of an emotional connection is an existential requirement for FWB arrangements. That even the Oxford Dictionary defined it as a casual sexual relationship and all of my previous FWB arrangements fell within that dynamic. She said FWB can mean different things and it comes down to those who are engaged in it. And why was I so hung up on definitions? At that point, she also accused me of mansplaining. Clearly, there are at least two words / phrases that don't mean what she thinks they do.

The point I decided to not try to make with her is that shared meaning of words and phrases are how we effectively communicate with one another. It's the basis for fucking language! We can't just decide to adopt our own meaning for generally accepted words and concepts or language breaks down. If you consider hiking to be wearing hiking boots while standing up on a long board as it rides a wave, you can't just say 'Perhaps I do hiking differently than the textbook definition.' No, you're not hiking, you're surfing! Likewise, if you're expecting an emotional connection to a FWB, you're doing it wrong.

Hoping your weekend was more fruitful than mine!
Posted:May 20, 2018 7:44 pm
Last Updated:May 25, 2018 10:04 am
Gotta love a quality bot. They're getting better; she even was able to name a KC restaurant.
Dirty Pictures And Trust
Posted:May 18, 2018 5:07 pm
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2018 12:14 pm

Being on this site, it's more likely than not that there are at least a few pictures of you in which you're sans clothing and/or involved in a sex act. These may have been taken by you or a partner, current or previous. Regardless of who took what, there are almost certainly some of those photos in the possession of a partner, again current or past.

The question that's been rolling around in my head is whether you're comfortable with the other party having those photos in their possession. Do you trust them to not share without your permission? Could there be a jilted lover in your past who you're concerned may post your pictures far and wide? Perhaps they know some of your colleagues and in a drunken rage, your dirty photos find their way into your office?

For clarification, I'm referring to pictures that include faces, where the subject can be clearly identified. Photos of only breasts or genitals only don't count, because our identities aren't exposed in those. Like many other men, I've got a number of photos of previous partners in highly compromising positions and I often wonder how concerned they are those pictures won't wind up on a website somewhere. If I asked, I know the response would be 'well, I am now!' So I'm asking here.

I'm not asking how much or little you'd care, were your pictures circulated without your permission. This is purely a question of trust.

How much do you trust the partners who possess compromising photos of you to not share them without your permission?
I trust my lovers to do the right thing and keep our pictures between us.
I'm a bit worried, but not about anyone in particular.
There's someone I was with; it wouldn't be out of character for them to try to hurt me that way.
I lose sleep at night, because people can be so hurtful. Thanks for reminding me, asshole.
6 Comments , 63 votes
Joining The Klan
Posted:Apr 30, 2018 4:57 pm
Last Updated:Feb 24, 2019 4:48 pm

(From yesterday) Sunday morning in the flat lands and I'm waking up al again. This is noteworthy because I had women eager and willing for me to do very bad things to them, this weekend, and I bailed on both. Each brought her own brand of lunacy to the table, and since they dropped in at the same time, I thought I'd share.

The first woman was a previous float in my parade of loons. We had traded notes a few months back, but not met. She was the first woman who had actually heduled a sexting session. Seriously, she told me that we would sext that evening and at the appointed time, began sending x-rated pictures and videos. Perhaps I'm different from most guys, but I need a bit of warming up before such a stream of material excites me. In any case, before I wander too far into the details, I blew her off because she was an oddball. She was oddly self-absorbed and shared way too many details of her dysfunctional past with me. Because she fancied herself as a writer, those details came in the form of epic length emails rife with nonsensical metaphors. Ask her what time it was and she'd share interminable thoughts on time itself, as well as how it impacted her previous struggles with mental illness.

This woman reappeared and wanted me to afford her another opportunity to date. Having suffered her bullshit before, I told her I needed a fuck toy and she would come over Saturday (last) night to provide that . She readily agreed and the epic notes returned. Fuck, I forgot what a whack job she was. She also had the strong aroma of a stalker. Next!

The other woman, in some ways, was even more fucked up than the first . Like the first, she was smart, educated, and had something to say. It didn't hurt she was gorgeous as well. I'll also mention she was black, for reasons that'll become clear in a bit. Sandi was an interesting girl, in that she worked like crazy to maintain her tough, outer shell. She also seemed to enjoy keeping me on my toes. For those reasons, I took some of her demands with a grain of salt. But she made demands that, in my mind, had her straddling the fence between high maintenance and manipulative. For example, when we planned to talk on the ph for the first time, she got angry I wouldn't share my number as soon as the plans were made, even though we wouldn't be speaking for several hours.

There were other things that rang some bells, such as her way of engaging her fwb's. I'll stop for a moment and state that of the other things I appreciated about Sandi was her sex drive and level of perversity matched my own. Back to her fwb's, she would fuck them, but refuse to kiss them. This, she told me, was in order to compartmentalize feelings versus sexual pleasure. I found this to be rather odd, because I've kissed every of my fwb's and they've eagerly reciprocated. She also made it clear she was no 's sub; in fact, she told me I would be her's. Also, she enjoyed having a man go down on her, but hadn't experienced that in , due to the vulnerability involved. For those who guessed intimacy issues, you can collect your t-shirt in the lobby.

We had planned to get together last night, but talked every evening this past week, almost always enjoying some ph dirtiness before hanging up. Sometimes, the ph sex was the main event. She slowly opened up to me, after realizing I really wasn't interested in just fucking her. That trust allowed her to share her deepest, darkest sexual fantasy with me. I've d some very naughty, dirty things sexually, but what she shared shocked even me. She wanted me to secure a set of Klan robe / hood and put her in her place as an inferior black girl. To treat her like a possession, rough her up / choke her, and degrade her without mercy. I sort of said 'youwantmetodowhatnow?' I find the Klan to be the worst of those with whom I share the planet and to have a strong, black woman want to bring them into the bedroom absolutely floored me. It would have been difficult for me to put on a set of Klan robes. That being said, within certain boundaries (i.e. no other species, football teams, at, etc.) I'll do what it takes to take my partner to new levels of sexual pleasure. So, that was the role for that night's ph fun.

I'll spare what broke the camel's back to make me bail, but part of it was she also had the delightful ent of stalker on her. Strange I've never really smelled that before, but encounter in a week.

Another fun week in Kansas, boys and girls.

Just as an FYI, If any's interested, finding KKK robes and hoods is pretty much impossible. Neither Amazon nor eBay list them, and if those don't offer something, it's likely not available to buy. There's my tidbit of knowledge for the week.
Do You Know Yourself?
Posted:Apr 24, 2018 4:56 pm
Last Updated:Apr 24, 2018 9:27 pm

The words on the reen stung a bit. They were from a woman with whom I thought I saw what could be an amazing relationship. Our third date had been even more fun than the previous and it was clear our desire would take over on number and we'd become intimate. I'd told her I wanted us to be exclusive. Regular readers know I'm a fan of monogamy, plus I really liked this woman. But there were the words.

I don't want an exclusive sexual relationship with you.

After a bit of back and forth, I got to the heart of the matter. She wanted a sexual relationship with me but wanted to explore new possibilities, being fresh out of her marriage (dating separated people...never a good idea). She wanted to sleep around a bit.

I responded by asking "you know we're talking about you, right? The woman who, on our second date, wouldn't invite me up to her apartment in order to continue the heavy make out session that had begun in my car because 'I barely know you'. The same woman, who on our third date, required some serious arm twisting before she finally relented to having me up; for the same reason, I might add. (and not to have sex) And you think you can casually fuck random guys?"

While we were a couple, we would often joke about that, and she would always finish with 'I could totally be a slut.' Sure you could, sweetheart.

My point in sharing this story is that her lack of understanding of who she was and what she was capable of could have torpedoed something great between the of us. (instead, it was her abysmal self-esteem that served as the projectile, but that's another story)

The experience that spurred this entry though, occurred recently, and was deja vu all over again with a similar encounter a few ago. While both women fell into the same demographic, data points do not make a trend. But the data points are the same. The women were full blown submissives, who hadn't been with a man in at least a year. Having spotted their concealed desires, I brought each 'out of their shell' and was met with a sentiment of 'I want you to take me asap' and called 'master' by both. Then, to borrow a line from Top Gun, they each realized their sex drive wrote a check their body couldn't cash. In other words, both flaked. The first got halfway to the wine bar, at which we were meeting, and realized she couldn't go through with fucking a complete stranger. She was apologetic, I was supportive. There was some chemistry, but we never reconnected. The second ghosted me before we could meet. I sent her a note a week or so after, asking why she ghosted me, to which she responded to the effect of 'those things you said to me before we even met were rewed up'. Oh, you mean the things that you were self-stimulating to as I said them? As noted, both women couldn't overcome their own inhibitions, even though they clearly thought they could.

The moral of these stories is understanding the person in the mirror is vital, when you're attempting to find a mate or chart your course. Without knowing yourself, you can never hope to truly know some else.
Dating Profile of the Week
Posted:Mar 5, 2018 8:16 pm
Last Updated:Mar 6, 2018 4:57 pm

Let me state up front, that I'm not poking fun at this profile in any way, shape, or form. Something about it struck me as humorous in the 'wow, not exactly the party girl type, is she?' sort of way.

My self-summary

I spent most of my 20s traveling to Antarctica researching polar plankton. Now, I enjoy documentaries (the more depressing the better!), live music and art here in Kansas City.

I can usually be found walking my two awesome dogs.

Again, it struck me as humorous because like all men, I'm actually 12 years old.
1 comment
Is It Better To Have Loved And Lost?
Posted:Mar 3, 2018 10:28 am
Last Updated:Mar 4, 2018 6:59 pm

I'm finishing up an entry around those famous words from Lord Tennyson:

I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it when I sorrow most;
'Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.

Before I publish it, I want to hear what others have to say on the topic.

Is it true that it's better to have loved and lost or could we be just as happy to not have loved in the first place?

Open forum to comment freely...

To link to this blog (New2Midlo) use [blog New2Midlo] in your messages.

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