Sensual Dreamscape
My thoughts, dreams, stories and just general day to day .
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Step By Step, Never Giving Up
Posted:Oct 7, 2021 10:05 pm
Last Updated:Oct 8, 2021 8:00 pm
Today things were pretty difficult at first, but got better. My home health care nurse came and we went over my infusions and the paperwork, supplies, etc.

Had a very nice long with a few friends, one who happens be my FWB. Really hoping that I recover well enough see him, need his kisses and strength.

Have you ever looked at someone that at one time you thought you had something real with, and the sudden realize that they were always fake and phony? That there is no way you would ever fathom a relationship of any sort with them? Yes that happened t , not just today but a while back. Seeing how uncaring, callious, and full of bullshit they really are. I am at the age were I have no desire to any kind of game. Be honest, and if that does not work, be honest. and if that still doesnt work, still be honest. Yes it might hurt at the time, but in the long run it will bond your friendship, or whatever relationship you have if both want the thing.

So I feel I am in a good place right now. Been dealing with too much medical crap, and not enough pleasurable things. There has to be a balance, and relief of whatever you want. Yes for me, still feeling like a sexual woman in this, is very important. But extra care has be taken. One has be willing accommodate my general over needs health wise, and then we go from there. I can guarantee that you will have fun with in some regard.

Never stop dancing even if it is just in your chair and bed, or head.

Positively Spectacular.
Posted:Oct 6, 2021 11:41 pm
Last Updated:Oct 7, 2021 9:51 pm

It is so important to me right now to keep a positive attitude. Yes I do vent like the blog prior. But then I re exam my core beliefs and what I can do to make my time most enjoyable.

Now being realistic, I can not take the hurt that comes with alot of relationships. And I dont want to be that person who is bitter.

i have so many things I want to do, and then the reality of what I really can do given my health.

I want to create more, learn more, embrace the value of a true friend. Laugh, have fun, and see as many sunsets as possible

Each day gives us a new chance to love -----

Posted:Oct 3, 2021 7:49 pm
Last Updated:Oct 9, 2021 3:31 am

In the hospital, being treated for 3 different chronic infections by alot of different doctors.

Health Issues Call For A Change In Plans
Posted:Oct 2, 2021 11:08 pm
Last Updated:Oct 5, 2021 12:01 am

Last night I did a blog about assessment of myself. I have since deleted it because in the honest light of day I have had to face some truths.

Right now if I am honest with myself, I am too sick to be with anyone. Yes infections will clear but I have some others issues going on as well that time and tests will tell what they are, and how best to deal with. But for now, my immune system is too weak, and the person I felt was a close enough friend and FWB sadly has decided that he did not to just see me. I understand, it is asking alot, but I only put that if he met someone that he wanted to be involved with, he let me know so I could decide at that time what would be best for my health.

But he is free to choose to have no kind of commitment and I have to do what is best for me overall health wise. I cant risk getting ill because I am exposed without my knowledge to whatever. I knew getting into this, that this would be just what it is, and was never disillusioned in thinking it would be more. We had some wonderful times, which I will miss greatly.

So I am going to just be here to blog and perhaps make a few purely friends. Nothing more then that, just friends. I could use the support, and the humor.

I will still be thinking naughty thoughts and once in awhile write some erotica. You know I will be using my toys and keeping myself safe. I hate that I have to be this way, but it is what it is.

Posted:Oct 2, 2021 2:12 am
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2021 4:2 am

Good Evening,

Yes I should be in bed, but I have to stop in and say Howdy.

The usual for me, Sugar-free Hot Cocoa, and headphones on listening to some tunes. Dont worry, I am saving you all from hearing me usual caterwauling'. Ain't nobody have the need for that - lol.

So I am also saving you guys from having to hear any more details on my health issues. Let's just say I will most likely be going to the er here in a few hours again.

But I want reflect on the beauty of life, in the simplest things. I hear all the time how everyone is so busy with work. Please don't live to work, work to live. Now there are some jobs where you will be working long hours and that cant be helped. First responders in any agency form. Nurses, medical personal, etc.

I have never liked to feel pressure to measure up coming from anywhere. Now it is funny that I am very calm when it comes to my artwork and that competition does not bother me. though it in itself is not a competition because it is in each of our eyes and how we perceive it.

I just want to stop in and say Hi mainly. I know I am not writing erotically much anymore, but trust me I will be getting back ot that. I just need to get all this medical stuff sorted out so I can once again feel sexy. Grrrrrr, sex - yes please.

Stop to Enjoy the Day,

When The Buzz Dies
Posted:Oct 1, 2021 3:08 am
Last Updated:Oct 2, 2021 3:09 am
I will admit that there are times I struggle to retain my sexiness through all this medical bullshit. Yes I said bullshit because the doctors all make you feel like you could potentially drop dead at any moment. Not That is true for all of us, but shouldn't we be embracing life each and every day, squeezing every drop of joy, vibrancy that we can? Then they wonder why their patients are depressed.

I am not dying any more so than the reat of you. I am a real person, just because I do have some medical issues, so be it.
At least anyone involved with me, knows exactly what is going on. Accepting of the situation and still find e as sexy as hell.

Because you know that, I am when I want to be. When that certain feeling comes over you, then you are on the prowl. You can feel it in the way you move, the way you move your hips, lips, and etes. You are hungry and you know exactly what it is that you want to devour. That fine man over there, the one who thinks you haven't noticed him, but oh you have indeed.

I do want to thank all my friends again. Next week will be a action packed week for sure, but not all doom and gloom for sure. Some very nice mixed in with the rest.

Oh and my favorite vibrator broke that felt so damn good on my clit. Apparently it did that to alot of the models because you can no longer fine it. How am I supposed to get my groove on with out my favorite vibe. Sigh.

Buzz buzz buzz
Ghost Towns
Posted:Sep 30, 2021 12:25 am
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2021 2:32 am

As I am getting ready to call this a night, I am with this thought.

There are nights when you come on here that it seems like everyone in the world wants to communicate with you. Other nights, the nights you could really use a friend or two, there is not a soul to be found. Like a ghost town, and the sad little tumbleweed is the last partier leaving the dust bowl.

Right now I really need my friends. I have a number so scary things all coming up next week. I am hoping there will be some good things too. I am not scared per say, well maybe a little. But it is what it is, and there is nothing worry will not help it.

My friends, the communication you give me does indeed help me power through the rougher days and nights.It keeps me sane, and smailing. I reminds me that there is nore to this work that medical offices, and scowly crabby receptionist, etc.

Anyway thanks to all that have reached out. It does mean so much.

Blazing through Squeezing Butts
Posted:Sep 29, 2021 10:03 pm
Last Updated:Oct 1, 2021 2:25 am

This has been such a rollercoaster of stupidity as of late with the medical doctors. I understand that no one wants to get their hands dirty , but someone had decided something.

I went back and forth with numerous doctors, and so did my husband who is my psa. Finally boiled down that they could give me a medication that took care of the problem. But the staff in the ER were so rude. I mean we are all people , scared people at that. be treated like we do not matter is just horrible. Now this wasn't the nurses at , they were great.

Next week the fun begins over again. I have one day that is not dedicated a doctor or procedure. Hoping that day is a good one, but remains to be seen.

I feel like I am a specimen in a petri dish, just growing cultures for the mad lab techs to exam and note. I want to be a sexual vixen, and have some fun. I just want to cum athen cum some more.

Anyway, I am home, bag unpacked from the hospital, and getting back to normal.


A Prefix to Me
Posted:Sep 28, 2021 8:41 am
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2021 10:07 pm

As I am repacking my laptop, getting ready to again do this insane journey because my very life depends on , or so they tell me. I do want say that even when I am ill, I am still very much all woman and very sexual. I am still every bit the woman I prottray, with the sensuality and sexuality.

It does take a special man understand that I do have some medical issues. That sometimes we have postpone a potential date. But oh honey trust me, when I am well I so make up for . I will say one thing about myself, I do know that I am one hell of a lover, fwb, beneficial friend however you wish term .

I am kind, attentive, enthusiastic, I give my all and then some. I am that loving woman and that naughty for the right fwb. I make sure that you have just as good of a time as I do.

So please never discount anyone has some medical issues. I have had men have been very unkind about . I them , and they werent worth my time anyway.

Okay my firends, time shit you down and pack you up until I am in my abode at the hospital.


And it continues
Posted:Sep 28, 2021 8:08 am
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2021 10:14 pm

So apparently I am back to square one on this medical saga. My doctors say they can ot do a direct admit, and it would take two weeks to set up home health care so I could do the iv antibiotics here at home. So Here is a little bit I need to go back to the ER and go through that very long process of 8+ hours to be admitted.

There has to be a better way but these insurance companies dont care about us at all. There were so many people in the er yesterday, alot of elderly too. We really need a reform, and it shouldnt be up to our doctors to have to jump through these insane hoopes that insurance demands.

Was told the infedtion is very bad, quote "minute by minute" bad. Funny thing is I do not feel real bad. run down yes, some pain, yes. But overall I am fine.

I will be blogging from the room....................

Thank you to all my true friends. Times like this you see who really cares, and who is just in this for themselves.

To and From Day
Posted:Sep 27, 2021 9:59 pm
Last Updated:Sep 29, 2021 10:17 pm

My day was crazy.
Early doctor appt with primary doctor who thought I was doing fine, other then a infection. So we had breakfast, went for a drive. Get home and the Hema-oncology call and want me to go to the er to be admitted. I thought it was going to be a direct admit. The reason they said I had to be admitted is that I am now Antibiotic resistant to all oral medications so I need IV antibiotics. Get to the hospital and they have no orders so has to be processed through the er. 4 hours later still hadn't been seen, asked if they were going to be able to process me tonight so I could start therapy. They said at least another 4 hours before I would be seen by a doctor. And they thought it would be best if I left for the night and then got my doctor to do a direct admission.

What a fucking joke, but okay. I can turn sepsis at any moment, no worries. Grrrr But still smiling.

I am still in good spirits, this is what I am used to. At any time I can become sick, often without realizing it myself because I do not usually have any symptoms until I am very ill.

Teaches you to embrace each day and squeeze every drop of happiness out of it.

Also teaches you who really cares about you and who does not.

Keep Dancing,
Sexercise Part 1
Posted:Sep 26, 2021 11:21 pm
Last Updated:Nov 29, 2021 4:2 am

I lay you down, gently if you are precious cargo. you are indeed. Been waiting do this you night long. Now thatt dinner is over with, we strolled through a park loving the lights. Hand in hand stealing little kisses from each other. Letting that desire build higher and higher night long.

We get the hotel room a nice suite. Even you have thought of everything. A small fruit basket, waters, and roses all sititng and ready for enjoy.

I set my bag down and you help off with my wrap. You draw into your arms, looking down at . You start lean down kiss , and I close my eyes. I have been wainting this just much you have night long. Well for longer then that if you and I are honest. Months you have slowly shown more of yourself and becoming more bold.

The kiss is long,passion and just perfect. You pull away,and I say No. I grab ahold of your chin and drawn you in for another even deeper lingering kiss. Thsi kind of stumps you for a moment. I can tell you are stating get more and moreexcited. Of course the bulge in thefron of your dress slacks gives you away ten fold.

I sit down on the bed, and you hand a cold bottle of water. I thnk you and drink about half of it, knowing it is so important stay well hydrated during sex-ercise. .........................
Ins and Outs of a Large Woman's Sexuality
Posted:Sep 26, 2021 8:59 am
Last Updated:Sep 26, 2021 10:36 pm
Being a large woman, I want to invite you into some insight of what it is like to be with a woman of size.

First off, we can still move. Yes there is more to move, but believe me we are still flexible.

We are super soft, like your favorite pillow. Go ahead and lay your tired head right down on my breasts. Feel my arms around you and rest assured that you are cared for.

We can take more then skinner women. WE are not going to break, and we can still do amny different positions.

Generally we are passionate, sex as hell, know what we want. We should be treated just like any other woman. Bit of romantic pose, a flower given when meeting. WEar some nice cologne because that is a huge turn on for me. Treat me with dignity and respect.

Never say that you close your eyes and pretend I am someone else. If you cant handle me the way I am, there is the door. WE are all made differently and have our likes and dislikes. I generally do not find short men attractive. Not that I would refuse to go with a short stature man. Sometimes though men seem to think they can mistreat us big girls. That we are more eager to be with you, and that gives you license to be a prick. It does not and remember because I am a big girl, I will only put up with so much.

You never know what you are missing unless you give it a try. You might find that you really love being with a large woman.


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