Feelings don't care about facts either...  

EnigmaInitiative 53F
3123 posts
12/4/2021 1:17 pm
Feelings don't care about facts either...


Don't know if we still need put things in the first comment or not. It's been a while.

So, let's try both:

Let me start with: Hey, what's , how are things? It's been a while. I hope all are well.

trigger warning for some medical stuff and sexual a**ault. Take care of yourself, first.

Time make my excuses for my absence because I want . Besides, the why of it all is typically the reason I write.

I didn't feel like being here. I didn't feel like doing much of anything be honest with you all. Shoot, the last time I signed in, I was still fresh from a heart attack and subsequent complication of a femoral artery injury. Life, for me, has taken a hard left turn. I went from what I thought was a relatively healthy woman (excusing for arthritis and aches that came from long years of abu sing my body) who did not take even one medication one that had the most frightful experience of my life. Between the heart attack and the blood......the blood that still haunts my dreams. I was or am traumatized.

Here I was the sexually vibrant, some may even say promiscuous woman who suddenly felt...well...apathetic towards sex. And, would even go into comical tirades to my roommate about how much WORK sex was with very little payout. So, yeah, I didn't feel like signing into a sex dating website because I absolutely could not give a rat's ass about sex.

At first I thought it may be some kind of ageist “people over whatever age can't have sex” type of thing. However, the more I explored my feelings, the more I realized it was a “I personally don't feel like having sex.” thing. Still feel that way. Can't explain it, can't escape it. It isn't menopause (checked). And, it's not that I don't get horny, because your girl still masturbates. It's mainly that the thought of sex just leaves me feeling...MEH.

Then, my uncle died, in a superbly tragic way. And, I really wanted to vent, write it out, release the pain through words as I have done in the past. But, I didn't. I just stayed in my little bubble here, tending to my garden. , did I tell you I started a vegetable garden in the middle of the summer in Florida? I did. I'm brilliant. /s. Truly, though, it's been a good creative outlet for me, and is looking glorious now that the weather has become milder.

Next was the breast cancer scare. Whoooo doggie, I almost came back write then too. But, I didn't want to get anyone worked , I wasn't sure if it was cancer. I got the call this Monday that it was benign, and just kept moving forward with feeding every stray cat in the neighborhood. Ya, I'm that kind. (Don't come crying when our cat overlords take over the world, we all know Imma be saved. LOLOLOLO

And, that brings us today. Why today, you may ask, after all of that happening in your life, you chose not to return. Not a peep, not a word, for months. But, today, you're back. What about today?

Well, dear reader, I did a little google search. No particular reason, just felt like seeing what would come if I google my name. Low and behold, I click a website, I'm reading some stuff about myself, being reminded of old and email addresses. Seeing names of people I'm connected ...you know, like ex husbands?

I'm a nosy nosy woman, get over it. LOLOLOLOLOL

Number got a pass, he lives two miles away. We talk often enough that I know what is happening in his life.

Number one: Eh, nothing new. Still living with wife number two, one state away, in a house owned by his mother

Number two is where the real story is.

People

sit the fuck down

I am still unsure I can even comprehend this

I click through and get to the criminal section, and when I tell you that my stomach churned and bile came the back of my throat...

I went the sex off ender registry and looked his name because I wanted see a picture be sure it was the man I married.

Newest pictures gave hope, I was scrolling and it looked nothing like him. Then, as the older pictures started coming , my heart sank.

He's a pe do

The implications of it all. Here I am a victim of the same thing, and he knew about my grandfather. I know I told him.

I'm....well...I'm...kinda speechless at this point. I'm racing over our relationship, running through everything that happened. Shit, we were married less than a year, and it's not like I knew him all that well before I married him. It was a marriage of convenience that I regretted participating in long before I found out this bit of information.

Sex problems existed post marriage that didn't exist pre marriage. Truthfully, the man told me to have sex with whomever I wanted, just to stay married to him. I tried and couldn't. We eventually parted back in 1999 to never speak to nor see each other again.

He, according to the registry, is currently living under a bridge after serving five years in prison.

Please know, that I am fully aware that this piece of information does not do anything to change my life in a tangible way.

It's just that my feelings are all fucked over it.

And, while some say that “Facts don't care about your feelings”, I'm here tell you that my feelings don't care about these facts either.

I don't know if I'm back, really don't. Just don't know what/how feel at this point.

This week's HNW:Legs is available in the New Community.


EnigmaInitiative 53F
5828 posts
12/4/2021 1:17 pm

Let me start with: Hey, what's up, how are things? It's been a while. I hope all are well.

trigger warning for some medical stuff and sexual a**ault. Take care of yourself, first.

Time to make my excuses for my absence because I want to. Besides, the why of it all is typically the reason I write.

I didn't feel like being here. I didn't feel like doing much of anything to be honest with you all. Shoot, the last time I signed in, I was still fresh from a heart attack and subsequent complication of a femoral artery injury. Life, for me, has taken a hard left turn. I went from what I thought was a relatively healthy woman (excusing for arthritis and aches that came from long years of abu sing my body) who did not take even one medication to one that had the most frightful experience of my life. Between the heart attack and the blood...oh...the blood that still haunts my dreams. I was or am traumatized.

Here I was the sexually vibrant, some may even say promiscuous woman who suddenly felt...well...apathetic towards sex. And, would even go into comical tirades to my roommate about how much WORK sex was with very little payout. So, yeah, I didn't feel like signing into a sex dating website because I absolutely could not give a rat's ass about sex.

At first I thought it may be some kind of ageist “people over whatever age can't have sex” type of thing. However, the more I explored my feelings, the more I realized it was a “I personally don't feel like having sex.” thing. Still feel that way. Can't explain it, can't escape it. It isn't menopause (checked). And, it's not that I don't get horny, because your girl still masturbates. It's mainly that the thought of sex just leaves me feeling...MEH.

Then, my uncle died, in a superbly tragic way. And, I really wanted to vent, write it out, release the pain through words as I have done in the past. But, I didn't. I just stayed in my little bubble here, tending to my garden. Oh, did I tell you I started a vegetable garden in the middle of the summer in Florida? I did. I'm brilliant. /s. Truly, though, it's been a good creative outlet for me, and is looking glorious now that the weather has become milder.

Next up was the breast cancer scare. Whoooo doggie, I almost came back to write then too. But, I didn't want to get anyone worked up, I wasn't sure if it was cancer. I got the call this Monday that it was benign, and just kept moving forward with feeding every stray cat in the neighborhood. Ya, I'm that kind. (Don't come crying to me when our cat overlords take over the world, we all know Imma be saved. LOLOLOLO

And, that brings us to today. Why today, you may ask, after all of that happening in your life, you chose not to return. Not a peep, not a word, for months. But, today, you're back. What about today?

Well, dear reader, I did a little google search. No particular reason, just felt like seeing what would come up if I google my name. Low and behold, I click on a website, I'm reading some stuff about myself, being reminded of old phone numbers and email addresses. Seeing names of people I'm connected to...you know, like ex husbands?

I'm a nosy nosy woman, get over it. LOLOLOLOLOL

Number three got a pass, he lives two miles away. We talk often enough that I know what is happening in his life.

Number one: Eh, nothing new. Still living with wife number two, one state away, in a house owned by his mother

Number two is where the real story is.

People

sit the fuck down

I am still unsure I can even comprehend this

I click through and get to the criminal section, and when I tell you that my stomach churned and bile came up to the back of my throat...

I went to the sex off ender registry and looked up his name because I wanted to see a picture to be sure it was the man I married.

Newest pictures gave me hope, I was scrolling and it looked nothing like him. Then, as the older pictures started coming up, my heart sank.

He's a pe do

The implications of it all. Here I am a victim of the same thing, and he knew about my grandfather. I know I told him.

I'm....well...I'm...kinda speechless at this point. I'm racing over our relationship, running through everything that happened. Shit, we were married less than a year, and it's not like I knew him all that well before I married him. It was a marriage of convenience that I regretted participating in long before I found out this bit of information.

Sex problems existed post marriage that didn't exist pre marriage. Truthfully, the man told me to have sex with whomever I wanted, just to stay married to him. I tried and couldn't. We eventually parted back in 1999 to never speak to nor see each other again.

He, according to the registry, is currently living under a bridge after serving five years in prison.

Please know, that I am fully aware that this piece of information does not do anything to change my life in a tangible way.

It's just that my feelings are all fucked up over it.

And, while some say that “Facts don't care about your feelings”, I'm here to tell you that my feelings don't care about these facts either.

I don't know if I'm back, really don't. Just don't know what/how to feel at this point.

This week's HNW:Legs is available in the New Community.


LadiesR2B1rst 58M  
2423 posts
12/4/2021 2:40 pm

I hope things get better in your life. People that have never had health problems can't or won't understand. Most likely, with time you will get better. Try working on getting yourself better and put some distance between other people from your past. Just saying, it worked for me. Thanks for sharing your situation.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 6:58 am:
Thanks for coming by and responding, I appreciate it. I've been working on making my life better but it's great advice. thanks.

spunkycumfun 61M/66F  
40637 posts
12/4/2021 4:01 pm

It's good that you're expressing your feelings and stating the facts.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 6:58 am:
I see what you did there.

Nice to see you, thanks

flannel_light 59F  
4503 posts
12/4/2021 4:39 pm

My Beautiful Friend,
You are going through a lot and in some ways with the sex, I don't want it either except frome one man I am.seeing now. Your feelings are yours and get them out any way you know how girl. I have not want to come on either with what all I got going on. Take some time for yourself and get all those feelings out. I am glad to see you. I have missed you. Take care and I am here if you need to vent

The Light is shinning and she is lonely and waiting in the darkness.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 6:59 am:
Hi sweets, it's nice to see you as well.

I've missed you, too!

japaneseass 54F
50216 posts
12/4/2021 5:28 pm

Girl....it's good to see you again....yah...i am not around here, much anymore other than just pop in to see what's new, which is nothing much new here anymore...just stale, stagnant tar pit, to be...

I am glad, you are still doing somewhat ok, in spite of some health issues...yah...i am 54, and in the middle of premenopause, the shit is going down hill, real fast, no stop to it...i tell yah...it's really scary...

I am doing my garden, too...I started my cucumber in September, and I had a quite a lot by now....it's just be getting really cold in the morning, (in Brooksville), like uppper 30's, so it's dormant, but tomatoes are still growing...surprisingly...and greens...lettuce, kale, and collard...they are doing really good now...

My ex passed in spring this year...yah...it's been a shock to me...although we never be close after the divorce, but still, the man died? yah...well, he did what ever he wanted to do, more than taking some responsibility over us, so, guess he was a happy man...that's all...

you know, i missed you...oh, i got a kitten in spring, too...he is an orange tabby, he was a kitten, but now, he just turned one...I got him at the shelter...you still feeding those kitties around you?

it's really good to hear about you, babe...glad you are back...take care...


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:01 am:
Wow about your ex! It's a weird feeling, huh?

About them cucumbers, how on earth are you keeping the moths off of them? I've soooo struggled with cucumbers in general.

I'm still feeding them kittens, of course. What kind of cat lady would i be?

I'm glad you've got one of your own, they're wonderful pets and friends.

I've missed you too, it's good to see you're well.

Paulxx001 64M  
22482 posts
12/4/2021 5:38 pm

Wow! You've been through a lot, in a short period of time. Sounds like you're slowly wrapping your head around all of the stuff going around YOU.
Balance is an interesting point to find. 😶❗❗

... is there another way to look at it
Going Too Fucking Far NEW Blog Features RevealeD O O


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:02 am:
I've been through enough for five people, but it does seem as though things are finally evening out for me.

Balance is key, finding it is a real bitch though.

lonlyforlove2 79M  
31013 posts
12/4/2021 8:52 pm

I read a lot of stuff in the past. Do get on with your life in your manner, keep the online stuff out of your mind, some of it is not trutful any way, some, is though. Hope you can work your way through to today, hope your health stays good..

Stop by at lonlyforlove2
also see Lunch with Lonly , we get snow tomorrow
Check my blog on New Community, "A photo of my big Pecker"
also, " My Sunday afternoon with the kids'


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:03 am:
You're right, it is in the past. But, to say our pasts don't affect our present is kind of disingenuous, don't you think?

Thanks for stopping by and responding.

PonyGirl1965 56F
21556 posts
12/5/2021 1:37 am

I'm delighted to know you are still kicking. I am sorry you had to find some ugly info about your ex. I'm glad he is in the past.
How are your kitties?


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:04 am:
I'm delighted to see you still here, too Pony.

The kitties are well, don't you worry. They have taken over the house in their own ways.

author51 59F  
129344 posts
12/5/2021 4:38 am

Hello again my friend. It is nice to know you are still here and have updated us about your life since the last time you blogged. Take good care of yourself and your health Hun.xoxo

You can never have enough JOY in your life.xoxo

THROWBACK THURSDAY A WOMAN LAYS WAITING


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:05 am:
Hello my friend, I have missed seeing you. I hope all is well with you.

I'll be stopping by your blog in a bit to see what you've been up to.

Happy Sunday

mc_justmc 61M  
6928 posts
12/5/2021 5:05 am

It's good to hear from you! In the last few years I've started new posts and before I can finish them I delete them. They don't even interest ME, and they're about MY life. Why would anyone else want to read them. I can only imagine how shocking and upsetting that must have been to read about your EX. Learning about other's dark secrets has truly disturbed my life, too. As far as sex? Masturbation is better than ever and I crave it more than ever. Sex with another seems like so much work that I lose interest without trying. I've even had a few "come fuck me" offers and I just made a lot of excuses to get out of it. I don't know what's going on with me other than I just don't feel like making an effort. Although, I'm as horny as a teenager.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 3:39 pm:
I don't know how I missed your post this morning, hmmm...

It's good to see you're still around.

I think of my life as boring, as well. Shoot, I spend most days just taking care of cats, cooking, cleaning, and gardening. But, I suppose I just like writing too much to stop.

You sound like me, I don't want to make the effort, but I'm still horny enough to masturbate daily. Humans are weird, ya know?

justskin1 70M
13084 posts
12/5/2021 5:58 am

Welcome Back! I do hope you do not go away again. At least not for so long.
You are so right that feeling don't care about facts. Unfortunately they just are and sometimes it is hard to tell what they are. If we are lucky we can parse out the why or roots of the why of them, sometimes the why stays buried. Once I tried not to feel but that sure does not work.
I hope life quits throwing you bean balls and gives you a chance to settle down and sort things out. Maybe even get you to hankering for two or moresome sex again. (And lets you find someone you find worth it.
Meanwhile stick around and remember that sharing problems with friends often helps you and your friends.

If you see me in the real world, come say "Hi Justskin."

I always behave. Preferably not well.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:10 am:
Thanks for the welcome back. Life has been throwing me some real doozies lately, but hopefully things are calming down. I just gotta get through this colonoscopy next week. Soooo not looking forward to it. LOL

I'm working with a therapist to deal with things, but you're right sharing with friends helps all of us. I appreciate you reminding me of that fact!

And, maybe reading all your blogs and seeing all the pics will reignite that sexual fire from within once again.

Good to see you and thanks for stopping by.

TicklePlease 54F  
13837 posts
12/5/2021 6:09 am

Ugh, what a crappy thing to find out after the fact. (hugs)

I was thinking of you recently, that video of the cannon firing when we were at the Fort just cycled through my feed.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:11 am:
Hugs, thanks Tickle. It has been a hell of a year, that's for sure.

Oh my god, I just saw that same video when I was organizing my computer files. Fun times, I appreciated the time we got to spend together.

It's good to see you and thanks for stopping by.

easyrider4008 65M
2547 posts
12/5/2021 6:26 am

Sorry to hear you have had such a rough time, you sound a strong person though so keep your pecker up and here's hoping your luck changes for the better.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 7:12 am:
I'll get through this, it's just a bit of a stumbling block. But, thanks, I like to believe I'm strong, just sometimes don't feel it. Ya know?

Thanks for stopping by and it's nice to see you.

superbjversion2 66F
24167 posts
12/5/2021 10:44 am

You've been through a lot ... physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's no wonder the thought of sex is MEH. Sex partners can be a lot of work. Give yourself time to heal.

Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 3:40 pm:
It's been a hell of a year, that's for sure. I mean this is just my bullshit, think about what us as a society have gone through. Whew!

Thanks, I think you may be right, I just need time.

It's good to see you, if I didn't say that in my last response to you...and even if I did.

citizen4722 64M  
74262 posts
12/5/2021 1:32 pm

Good to hear from you again. You really did go off the radar for a while.
My health's not been that great lately truth be told but I keep going...as you do.


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/5/2021 3:41 pm:
Thanks citizen, it's good to see you.

I'm sorry to hear about your health issues, though.

Logan0867 54M  
244 posts
12/6/2021 12:51 pm

I know it's been a rough one for you and I'm so glad to see you post. Always a pleasure to read your musings and see your lovely face show up on my feed
Love you lots...miss you bunches xxoo


EnigmaInitiative replies on 12/6/2021 3:02 pm:
Yeah, after that whole pe do thing, I had to get it all out in writing. It just does something to help me. Shrugs

Love and miss you bunches too babe.

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