Life in the Nursery~
 


Welcome to my little corner of the world. Please feel free to come on in, slip off your clothes and stay for awhile.

What you will read here are just random thoughts, dreams, and fantasys......whatever I choose to write. This is my life.

I tend to write whatever is on my mind, so don't take anything on here personally. I am just being me. I don't write about anyone specifically....so if you read something and it hits home, I seriously doubt it was about you. If it hurts your feelings I am sorry. Being open and honest is the way I am.

So come in and join me...., I have something special to show you.....here in the baby's nursery

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Just another Manic Monday
Posted:Jun 11, 2012 9:30 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2021 9:1 am
13889 Views
I loved that song back in the day. Manic Monday....kinda fit. Always seemed to wish it was Sunday.



MANIC MONDAY
by The Bangles

Six o'clock already
I was just in the middle of a dream
I was kissin' Valentino
By a crystal blue Italian stream

But I can't be late
'Cause then I guess I just won't get paid
These are the days
When you wish your bed was already made

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

Have to catch an early train
Got to be to work by nine
And if I had an airoplane
I still couldn't make it on time

'Cause it takes me so long
Just to figure out what I'm gonna wear
Blame it on the train
But the boss is already there

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

All of the nights
Why did my lover have to pick
Last night to get down?
Doesn't it matter
That I have to feed the both of us
Employment's down

He tells me in his bedroom voice
"C'mon honey, let's go make some noise"
Time it goes so fast
(When you're having fun)

It's just another manic Monday
I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
My I don't have to runday
It's just another manic Monday

I wish it was Sunday
'Cause that's my funday
It's just another manic Monday
0 Comments
Slapped...again
Posted:Jun 8, 2012 7:13 am
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2021 9:1 am
14556 Views

It seems that no matter what I say.....no matter what I do.....I always seems to be wrong.

This has been a rough couple of days. Decisions to be made. Choices. Talks.

I have basically been crying for the last couple of days. I have spent my entire life being told how worthless I was. Not wanted. Never would be wanted. This by family.

My now ex husband told me that there was no reason to dress up, wear make up...etc. No need. And when we split...no one will ever want you. I like to think it was the alcohol speaking, but somehow don't think it was completely to blame.

My grandmother raised me after my mom died. She told me repeatedly that my mom never wanted me. She wanted to throw me away. I like to think it was mental illness speaking, somehow I don't think it was completely to blame.

I have spent my life always being there for everyone around me. I always took care of everyone else. Their needs, their feelings, my whole life. I have let people walk all over me. Stomp my heart, my feelings and make me feel completely worthless. I even believed it.

Yesterday was rough. I cried. I listened to endless sad songs. I cried with my teddy bear. I posted sadness on the bookface. And you know what? I was reprimanded. I was told that I was being hurtful to others.

I took mini me to a youth function last night. Casual. I went inside, I sat in the dark. I wasn't being unsocial. I was keeping from crying. I also needed to be alone. I had a vicious headache. Probably because I had not slept. Had not eaten. Friends said hello, I responded in like. No I didn't make small talk. When meeting was over, I got in my car....I drove home.

I know I am a bad person. I am a bad mother because I don't listen to my the way a "good mother" should. I don't take critism very well. I take everything to heart. So when cruel words are thrown at me....I believe them, I take them to heart, and guess what....it hurts.

I needed a hug yesterday. I needed someone to hold me. I need to be told that everything would be ok.

Everything that I say gets taken into the wrong context. I say one thing it is taken to mean that I am cold. I sit quietly it is taken to be that I am rude. I cry and it is taken to mean that I am wanting people to feel sorry for me. I don't know anymore.

Guess what? I woke up this morning. I opened my eyes. I checked my emails. I read my Bookface.... I read my watched blogs.

I am alive.
0 Comments
Love me
Posted:Jun 8, 2012 6:58 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2012 7:09 pm
14848 Views

Love me tender...

I love the words of old songs. I mean if you think about it, they speak to you. They tell a story. Sadness, love, life...everything in-between.

LOVE ME TENDER
by Elvis Presley

Love me tender,
love me sweet,
never let me go.
You have made my life complete,
and I love you so.

Love me tender,
love me true,
all my dreams fulfilled.
For my darlin' I love you,
and I always will.

Love me tender,
love me long,
take me to your heart.
For it's there that I belong,
and we'll never part.

love me tender love me true all my dreams fulfill for my darling i love you and i always will
Love me tender,
love me dear,
tell me you are mine.
I'll be yours through all the years,
till the end of time
love me tender love me true
all my dreams fulfill for my darling i love you ----and i always will
3 Comments
Emotional....
Posted:Jun 7, 2012 12:28 am
Last Updated:Jun 11, 2012 7:33 pm
17777 Views



Today was an afternoon filled with emotion. And tears...and hurt.

I brought up my relationship status with mini me. I asked her how she felt about me dating my courter. We have been "dating" for almost two months now. Yes she has now met him. And we have had dinner a couple times together. She likes him.

This afternoon though...she spoke. She is scared of being replaced. She also is afraid I will change. This has been something from past relationships (men), wanting me to change for them. And as she put it "You've been acting different since you started seeing "

This broke my heart. I explained to her that she has been and always will be my number one. And I also reminded her that there was no way I would change for a man... likes me just the way I am by the way! And as for acting differently... well I personally thought happy was a good look!

So, I took this to heart. I made the decision to stop. Let go. And let my heart be broken for the last time. I am the bad guy. To mini, to my friends...and I unfortunately broke the heart of a very special man.

I took a drive to a local lake. I sat in my car and cried. I walked in the rain...and cried. I drove home...and cried. I recieved multiple texts from and cried..... I emailed and let him know what was going on. And how much he had actually come to mean to me. Then I settled in to watch a movie...and cry.

My movie ended. I picked up my phone and noticed that I had several emails....And this is what I found....

"So you were raised by your Grandmother because your Mother died when you were very young. You know all about not having a Mom because that's what you lived. Although my relationship with my Mother is very complex and often troubled, I can't begin to know what its like to not have a Mother.

It must have been incredibly painful for you growing up without your Mother. You must have yearned to just know your Mother and have your Mother in your life. Now that you are a Mother, you are determined to be there for your no matter what. You would sacrifice anything for her. That's normal for Mothers but it's a much stronger feeling in you because of your background.

So "mini me" feels uncomfortable about our relationship. She feels threatened. She feels that you are changing for me. Does she feel that she is not receiving enough attention since we've been seeing each other?

Do I understand this correctly? Is this how things are? I hope you will correct me if I'm wrong.

So the killer for our relationship is that you feel so strongly about protecting "mini me" that you will sacrifice anything for her. It seems like you are sacrificing our relationship simply so she won't feel uncomfortable. I am not a threat to your relationship with "mini me". I have always tried to be very respectful of your time with "mini me". That's why I used to email you and didn't call a lot. I didn't want to even begin
to encroach on your time with "mini me" and your relationship with
"mini me". I know she is your first priority and that is the way I want it to be.

But to throw our relationship away completely at this time seems
like a major overreaction to me. Can't there be some kind of negotiation and adjustment? Does it have to be so final and fatal? It seems like all or nothing. We're just getting started "Baby". Isn't there a way that we can learn and work this out so everyone is happy? Please don't overreact
because of your background. Keep in mind that "mini me" is growing up. Your relationship with her is going to change very shortly. She's going to be becoming more independent soon. She'll be going to college before long. She'll have her own family before you know it. Is it really necessary to throw away something wonderful at this point? It seems like you are
breaking both of our hearts so "mini me" won't feel uncomfortable. I think that's a terrible waste. It seems very unnecessary to me.

Correct me if I'm wrong. I have to fight for you "Baby". I want you in my life. My relationship with you is too good to just let go just to spare "mini me" some temporary discomfort. We can work things out.

There isn't any good reason at this point for you to be heartbroken. Write about this in your blog and see what the people say. Feel free to include this message. I think they will agree with me.

I want you in my life "Baby"! I have loved every second I've gotten to spend with you and I haven't been able to enjoy you nearly enough. Please don't throw me away."


So now...I ask for you...My friends, followers...strangers...my family...to tell me what to do. I can honestly say that this man has actually stolen my heart. I haven't felt this kind of happiness in a very long time. And I am actually kind of tired of having lived the last 40 years in the shadows, the sunshine actually feels good!

16 Comments
Friends...ok, still gonna laugh!
Posted:Jun 5, 2012 6:45 am
Last Updated:Jun 14, 2012 8:03 am
15479 Views
Ok, so I got lucky last night. NO, not that kinda lucky. Although it woulda been fun on both our parts!

A friend that I haven't really talked to in awhile called me up and we chatted. Caught up on each other, etc.

And he let me know that he is in a "relationship". Congratulations!!! I am happy for him. I really am. At one point we were seeing each other pretty regularly. But I think it worked out that we were meant to be friends. Great guy who will make some lady very happy.

So...on to the good stuff.



We talk sex. I mean hello! Sex is good! Sometimes very good! Except when you aren't getting any! We talked about everything in between relating to sex. And somehow we wound up talking about virginity.

Now I am 40. He is older . In today's day and age virginity in most adults is hard to find. I admire anyone who stays pure. I do, becuase me...I kinda like sex.

So that got me thinking. How do men....especially men who have a very high sex drive date virgins? How do women....again with high sex drives date virgins? That would be HARD!

******************************************************************
On a side note...

I will tell you this...but you have to stand on one foot, close your left eye, stick out your tongue and promise not to laugh!

Yesterday while mini me and I were out shopping around for some odds and ends....

The young woman at the register (mid 20s) asked what year I was born. Not thinking anything, I replied 1971. "Ok, just checking to see if I needed to give you the senior citizen discount."

I wanted to cry! Mini me is rolling on the floor laughing her furry little butt off!
9 Comments
Catching up....
Posted:Jun 5, 2012 6:28 am
Last Updated:Jun 22, 2012 7:09 am
14742 Views

Well made it through my weekend!

Busy little bugger it was! Saw my courter on Fri night. We had dinner, ran little errands, drove around talking before finally heading back to his house to settle in for a movie. After the movie ended we flipped through channels and ended up falling asleep on his couch...it was nice. Left at like 3:30 in the softly falling rain...

Sat. mini me came home early so we could go shopping for her a dress and shoes. Finally found one of each... She settled down ON MY BED to paint her little piggies black...with glitter of course!

Sunday up and at em! Mini me had her confirmation. She made a good haul too! It was a little akward sitting in the pew. I found myself a little corner...and i'll be darned if the ex and his parents didn't come and plop down next to me!!! Oh well, united front for the squirrel! There was a portion of the confirmation where the parents say something. The ex and I worked it out ahead of time...I would say the first part he would say the second. Some parents chose only one parent to say the entire, others chose to say in unison. Well as I am saying my part...I hear his mother saying along with me! Oh well... After the confirmation was over we went to lunch. I had mini me extend an invitation to her dad & grandparents to join us. So off we head to the restaraunt.

As we all sit down, I give mini her present (she had recieved several cards (some with money) from the church along with other nice items). She had wanted a new purity ring, a necklace and a christian t-shirt. Well her dad hands her this HUGE bag. Great the bugger outdid me! Inside....a Ken doll. Now at this point.....I am really, REALLY trying my darnedest not to fall off the seat into the floor rolling in hysterical laughter. And he says...."Isn't that what you said you wanted?" Now, his parents turn. My ex-mil hands her a very pretty box. A shoe box is inside. This will be useful on our vacation she says.... Inside....a Kindle Fire. Then it all makes sense...Ken doll...Kindle...play on words.

So she walked away happy. AND she actually got to bring the Kindle to my house!!!!

After lunch, off we went to change clothes to make it to the telethon. She did a great job. I took lots of pics and posted them on my Bookface place. She really did look beautiful. I was very proud of her.

Yesterday was my first day of summer break. I actually got to sleep in til 9:16! Of course I awoke at 12:10a, 5:34a too!
5 Comments
Courtship
Posted:Jun 2, 2012 8:03 am
Last Updated:Jun 4, 2012 9:28 am
15449 Views



So, I am honest and upfront.

I say so in my profile. I am not in this for a quickie. Been there, done that. Not really looking for a FWB option. Although, there are a few that I could see. My jock... And of course curl. Aramis? Yeah, totally.

But all in all, I am looking for love. I am a true romantic. No matter how many times I have been hurt....I lick my wounds, whine and get back out there!

I have my profile on here. I am on a vanilla dating site. I am trying to find that special someone. Someone who wants me. For more than just sex.

Could it happen? I think so. There have been potential guys, that I could see myself getting serious with. But at the same time, they don't. Has to be a two way street. Been there, done that...for the one-sided.

So along comes the "Foreigner" guy. The guy who inticed me to go on a first date with him to a Foreigner concert. Yeah...

So we have been talking. And going out. And hanging out. He is courting me. And guess what? He is a gentleman. He opens doors. He holds my hand. He kisses the top of my head...just because.

Well, mini me informed me the other day that it was about time that she met this courter.... Her words also included something along the lines of texting a friend who is in law enforcement and asking him to run a background check! She said no more stalkers!!!

It is nice to know that someone wants me. And isn't all about sex.

Where is this going? I don't know. But it is nice knowing that there is someone who wants me.

12 Comments
Finally rest...kinda
Posted:Jun 2, 2012 7:48 am
Last Updated:Jun 3, 2012 12:36 pm
14323 Views

Well the school year has come to an end. Made it through!!

Of course, I am sore! My knees hurt from crawling around doing inventory for the last two weeks. My leg hurts from a shelf falling and gouging a streak. My thigh hurts from meeting a book sticking out and leaving a very nasty bruise!

I am tired!

And on the last day of my work week? I murdered the laminator. And when I called the repair dude...I had to leave a message. Which means when he comes to repair...I can't defend myself.

On a happier note. This weekend will be busy, but for good reason.

When my ex and I split and later divorced, a deal was made of sorts. He wanted to make sure that mini me went through confirmation in the Lutheran Church where he and his parents belong. Ok. Well, Sunday mini me will be confirmed. I could not be more proud of her. She even designed her own invitation.

I told her that we would go out to lunch afterwards. And I told her to invite her dad & grandparents to join us.

Later that afternoon...Sunday....the local 's Miracle Network telethon will be held. And mini me will be junior hosting. So if you are in the Oklahoma area...catch the telethon. Great organization, doing great things for the of Oklahoma. And somewhere in that last hour will be my mini me!

Last weekend mini me went to a youth function. She worked her butt off to learn a march. She worked her butt off memorizing a part. Then she asked for a postion as a friends page....(She had the whole girls resume postion down!) Sadly the march didn't go off the way it was planned, BUT it went off and that was great. The part didn't place, BUT she did her best which is what matters. She didn't get the personal page postion, BUT instead got a different state postion.

On the way home, she was talking about her plans for her local postion that she will be taking in Jan? And the things that she wants to do? I had tears in my eyes...she wants so bad to help others. And at that moment driving down the road, I saw my mini go from my little girl....to this beautiful young woman!
3 Comments
Very interesting.....
Posted:May 31, 2012 9:48 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2012 7:34 am
13927 Views

So something is developing...

Yes, yes....

Something is definitely going on.

3 Comments
Quickie!
Posted:May 23, 2012 4:47 pm
Last Updated:Dec 5, 2021 9:1 am
14221 Views
Well took advantage of actually being home before 9-10 pm!

Been a long couple of weeks. Running around with mini me. Practices, work, life!

And guess what? Baby is getting frisky! I have not had any ANY playtime in quite awhile now. Either with a friend or even on my own!

So...tonight...since I dropped mini off at her grandparents after some shopping...

Baby decided to pull out her toys...cue up some sounds on the porn...and let loose. Ok, so I put a pad down because I knew we would be making a nice wet spot! And I made sure that the batteries were fresh and the extension cord was handy!

I am on the countdown...6 school (work days) left, 6 more days making an honest buck on the street corner , and only 3 more days of lunch/recess duty!!!!

Have I mentioned that I am really REALLY frisky? Yeah...maybe some time soon I can find a way of taking care of that issue!
1 comment
Don't give up on me!!!
Posted:May 21, 2012 5:47 pm
Last Updated:Jul 27, 2012 4:03 am
14659 Views

I'm still here.

Been busy....lots of stuff going on.

So please don't give up on me.

4 Comments
Seriously?
Posted:May 14, 2012 6:15 pm
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2012 7:35 am
15011 Views
I got an odd text Fri night. Of course it was forgotten about because of the phone call about my aunts passing.

The rebounder sent me a text! OMG!

Yeah, that was out of the blue. He made the small talk. Asking about mini me. Asking about me. Telling me that mini me and I should come to the lake with him and his new family this summer.

Yeah...now for the good shit!!!!

He asked if me and my signifigant other would like to join him and his new woman for drinks and whatever might come about.

Oh, I know you didn't!

I didn't know what to say. First...don't have a signifigant other (don't think so at least) to speak of. And secondly, I wouldn't touch his winkie with a dried up granny virgin puss!!!!



I mean he is skanky! He dropped me over and over time and time again. Who knows who and/or what he was doing! I know that the last time we were "together" was the night he got me drunk and tried to have a threesome with me and another woman. This man is a sick, twisted little squirrel!
8 Comments
Upbeat...
Posted:May 14, 2012 6:06 pm
Last Updated:May 15, 2012 4:26 am
15052 Views

Trying to stay upbeat.

Called uncle after I got details Sat. night about funeral. Mini me was a little freaked after seeing a cousin post pic of my great aunt , looked alot like my grandm.

Went to funeral home this evening with mini me. She was really freaking. Her nerves on edge. Luckily she saw some people she knew. Family that is also part of the youth organization she belongs to, but much higher.

She also got the chance to meet one of my cousins....that was scary~! While we were at the funeral home we went ahead and went to my moms grave. Mini wanted to put flowers there. My cousin followed and we stood and talked. She is 5 months younger yet looks like she is 10 years older. She is a former meth/crack addict who is now clean. I am happy for her.

Tomorrow is the funeral. Mini me and I will go. My family (or what blood related I have) is dwindling.
2 Comments

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